Sing for joy!

Hey there TTYF, Clarity here to review as requested.

First of all, congrats on getting this poem featured! It's certainly good.

This poem is actually quite short, and I'm still trying to decide whether it's too short. I do really like it, but I think that another stanza or two would do the poem good. Although, saying that, it works just as nicely like this. You list the things of joy at the start, tell us where they happen... then ask a question.

Your first two stanzas work up to the finale very nicely, so well done.

To be completely honest, I can't find much to critique. But I will say that this is a nice little poem and that I look forward to reading more from you.

Happy YWSing,

-Clarity

Hey there! Isha here to review as requested (duh).

First off, I really like the premise for this poem. It's full of things that we forget (that there's always been good amid the bad, and that there always will be, or whatnot). On the other hand, I felt like it was... incomplete, somehow.

Short poems can be excellent. They can deliver a punch that wouldn't have been delivered otherwise, and they have this tendency to sweep you away. However, they can also come off as choppy. The message, on occasion, ends up being just preachy. I think that that's what this is doing for me, to be totally honest.

Something is missing. And I really wish that I could give you a better idea of what, but I can't really place my finger on it? The flow was actually pretty excellent. I think that the imagery is a little lacking in the first and second stanzas, though. 'sing in the background of life' is bland. 'Roll in the waves' is bland. 'lie on the earth like stones' is actually a simile that I LIKE, and is substantially less bland. It doesn't sound like something I've heard five million times before.

So, I'm going to place my finger on imagery and hope that I'm right. Because the premise IS excellent, but something somewhere along the lines needs work. I found the first and second stanzas to be really quite bland to read. All it takes is a little playing and a little brainstorming

Good job and keep writing
~Ish

lol I was wondering why it had so many likes.

TAKE THAT YOU FIEND! WRITING YET ANOTHER KICK-ASS POEM!
Great job, it was amazing.

-Gravity

I have to pretty much agree with everything AEChronicle said. It's simple, sweet, but doesn't take away from the beauty or meaning of it all. And it is indeed beautiful and meaningful.
I really loved it. Thank you for sharing.

"Love and loud laughter

roll in the waves for all time.

Why can't you hear it?"

What a question. I think it's something all of us should be asking ourselves. We're all to angry. This reminds me of reading the Psalms in the Bible. Rejoice for rejoicing's sake. Especially because there's a lot to be happy about in today's life.

Your poem is short, and sweet, but that doesn't retract from its essence. Personally, I don't much care for long poetry, as it starts to get old and repeat itself. You've done a good job here of stating your quick message in an easy-to-understand way, but not by telling anyone their stupid or wrong in what they do. Honestly, this is the way to affect change.

And, of course, the last line is great, as it's bringing to light a controversial point that so many of us seem to forget. It's not that we're incapable of being happy, it's that we choose to be unhappy.

Thank you TakeThatYouFiend!

hey there
ok , i liked how positive and happy your poem is , and your words so simple but strong .
also it's well organized , three lines in each part *so good*
i mostly liked the starting , i found that it's attractive and meaningful.
" Rhythm and music
sing in the background of life.
Why can't you hear it? "
so keep writing

Well, is good to sear some positive and beautiful poem once in awhile amidst all the sea of depressing poetry.

Great poem.

Beautiful! Absolutely, positively beautiful!