Young Writers Society

I love this poem. I pretty much describes how I am most days. With the want of isolation to be calm. I am not a people person to say the least. Mainly because I don't like to deal with all of the drama that comes with people. Everyone is always going somewhere, talking about something and loosing sight of what's right in front of them. If people would just take a breather, stop and watch what's going on around them. They would be out of their heads and be able to actually see things in a new light while noticing what needs to be changed. Anyways, as for the poem and what to change, I would maybe add a little bit more detail and make it longer. Mainly in the first break, it feels that you are just jumping to the next line rather than transitioning to it. If you were to add one or two transition sentences in there and maybe some after it would feel more like it is flowing together rather than choppy.

Overall, I love the poem and meaning of it. Hope to read your next work.

Hi DreamWork!

I felt that this was a good poem, but you could do much more with it!
I'm not sure if it is a typo, but in line 2

"than stands among the crowd,"

I think it should be standing. You should keep your tenses precise.
I like how you try using juxtaposing (putting things side by side that are either comparing or contrasting each other) different ideas like Line 3: "Real but invisible."
However in this line, I'd use other, higher vocabulary. Maybe Real with the Inconspicuous? Or any other word that is delusive. Maybe you'd like to incorporate the delusive phantom hope that evades the grasp of an unappealing reality?
I feel like this stronger sense of vocabulary will make your piece stronger. The word "hubbub" in Line 5 would not be incorrect to include in your poem (especially when dictated through the author's opinion) but I feel it does not serve a purpose in this particular poem and the message you are trying to convey.
That line makes the poem awkward but if you exclude that line, I LOVE the lines
"So let me isolate myself,
away from the place that is not mine."

I think if you take out line 5, and put those 2 lines together, the poem will have a flow, and that message conveys beautifully.
Additionally, if you do keep line 5, you would have repeated the word "away" twice, which may or may not be part of your purpose.

I love the serenity you paint using imagery, with the blue lake. And the loneliness with the crow.
It might be useful to incorporate even more imagery, such as "the black tarred feathered crow". I think you can expand that stanza much more. I think metaphors and imagery are your forte, so run with it!

In Line 10 "let me accompany the silence" why not make silence a noun? Sometimes doing this with words, will also increase the strength and beauty of your poem. Therefore, you can change the line to
"Let me accompany Silence".
I love the diction of "let me accompany", it sounds challenging, and provoking. It instills the concept of going against the social norms, and also a sense of individuality that is often accompanied when writers bring in the concept of woods, the forest, or nature.

I don't see how the last two lines of your poem really fit into what you were writing before. Along with the little grammatical error (change stranger to A Stranger or Strangers), how does this person convey the individuality you were portraying before?

The syntax of the words "knocking at the door" is a little bit awkward. Unless that was your intention, I would suggest changing "at the door" to "on the door".

So the line would go something like

"Until interrupted by strangers
knocking their way
into the oak shielded serenity
of my house".

Other than all that,
good job in the format of your poem.
Keep writing and Good luck.
Happy Review Day!!!!
-Sbitonti

The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR. Here on Review Day!!!!

I will build a house in the woods,
let me accompany the silence,

Crystal here! Reviewing for you tonight! This is what I thought. If I answer my own questions I'm writing this as I read it so please have that in mind.

So.... this is about being alone? I think it is, maybe its the way I read it but the point of it and what this poem means is a little confusing.

I will be calm as a blue lake,
lonely as a crow.