There are an infinite number
Of possibilities between
The numbers .01 and .011.
I thought what if our chances
Were measured in numbers
And not just percents.
Then there’s the possibility
That I could have never met you.
And maybe then,
I’d be safe to fall in love again.
So tell me you caused so little damage,
And I’ll calculate the results.
It can’t be so little
With infinity involved.
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hey there, Knight Cailey here with a review for my fellow Flaming Keys teammate, member, whatever you want to call it.
Happy Review Day!
I love how you start with infinity and end with infinity. Like just those two lines immortalize the poem and make it go on for infinity, which is so sweet. I also love the title, Little Damage, and it's actually the reason I chose this poem to read and review.
With that being said, on to my review, I really thought I had read this before, which could mean a few different things. One, that I did read this before but then didn't have the chance to leave a review. Which actually happens more often then you would think. But I think it also means that this has room for some more unique touches. I think you could add some more original ideas and words so that if I ever read this again I would know without a doubt that I had read it and liked it.
But of course going about doing that is a lot harder than just saying "make it memorable." I thin you do a good job of this at the beginning. I mean, a lot of people have heard and know that there are infinite numbers between say, 1 and 2, but you did it much more uniquely by choosing an even smaller number to show the infinity even more.
I think some more concrete examples would be nice, too. More detail, more figurative language, just more little subtle hints that make this different from all the other poems about infinity and falling in love.
However, I don't want it to sound like this isn't memorable or something. It's a really good poem, and again I love the infinity and the way you compare falling in love to something mathematical, like it can be figured out instead of just being an emotion that doesn't make sense.
I hope this helps! Keep writing and let me know if you've got any questions!.
Hello love.
Two things wrong.
First - change that first sentence to "I thought - what if our chances"
Second - since you're asking a question, you'll need to end that sentence with a question mark.
Add in that bolded word.
Overall - nice job. I think capriciouscoralyn covered most of what I thought, so follow her advice! My personal opinion - I liked it a lot. I think it was rather cool that you found a clever way to combine numbers into a poem. I think your poem was easy to read, thanks to a good format and jus the way you wrote it. The flow was clean and steady, so kudos on that.
~Iggy
Honestly, I like this poem. To be able to construct a piece of poetry which combined both the concept of numbers and love is too difficult not to find awe with. Perhaps indeed, love is one-sidedly treated as when measured in percentage. The fact that you were able to procure that question upon the reader's mind is incredibly fantastic.
However, critique-wise, I guess I should point out a few things. At the first verse, you mentioned the numbers ".01" and ".011". I was hoping for a reason why you chose such numbers but it never really redeemed itself. Perhaps, you were trying to conjure the smallest gap possible to describe infinity but if it were to signify something concrete in the poem, then I think it would've redeemed quite beautifully. I guess I should say that there's something lacking there, but I'm sure it had to be something you can properly explain. Another thing I quite noticed was how you broke the lines. I'm not saying its' wrong or anything. I just thought that there were a few awkward lines. Like in the third verse:
"And maybe then,
I'd be safe to fall in love again."
To separate "And maybe then," was a little awkward since by itself, it holds no meaning. I believe that in every poem, there should be a reason why each line is broken apart from the next line. Perhaps if you made it
"And maybe then, I'd be safe
To fall in love again."
since it holds much more impact upon the time the reader's reach that line. They could go like "Safe? Safe from what?" then bam! That's when you say the next line.
Grammar-wise, there are some things I took notice like "So tell me you caused so little damage," was something I could not fully comprehend. Perhaps there is a missing word which I have no knowledge of. Another would be, "I thought what if our chances". I guess it got a little swift in the making that there seems to be a gap between "thought" and "what" but I'm not sure. Maybe our fellow writers could attend to this matter. Also to
"There are an infinite number
Of possibilities between"
I'm not quite sure whether it's grammatically correct of not. I don't usually point out grammar mistakes so I don't know exactly if it should be "There is an infinite number" or "There are infinite numbers" or if it should stay the same. I guess, someone else could help with this?
Poem-wise, it was good. It was satisfying. Keep it up and I do hope I get to read more of your works soon.
Thank you so much for your review.
I'm glad you liked it, because I wasn't sure about it.