Walking up by the lakeside
with the cold morning dew,
thick fog began to creep
under my feet, it crept up on me.
Scared and confused in the mist -trouble and tears,
like a lost boy tried to escape from it.
The slapping sound of the wind on water
and fishing boat whistle - calling my name,
I continued to walk along the lake
to find the end.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
I love this! It sounds so dramatic at the end, when he/she is walking to find the end of the lake
That poor person walking and walking to find something that doesn't have an end. Tragic.
I couldn't find anything that I would change except here. It sounded a little bit choppy:
Excellent poem!
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
Hey there! I'm Onyx from the Knights of the Green Room, I will be reviewing your poem today.
Comments
You did a great job, the poem is nice and short yet it tells a story! I like that a lot, so here are a few things I would like to point out.
Some reason this sounds a bit weird to me. It seems like you should add something into this to make it sound better to the reader.
Why is "slapping" italicized? Is there a significant meaning?
Great ending here.
Over all
Again as I said before, you did a great job with this! Though I don't know the style of the poem but you still did a great job! If you need anything else reviewed or if you have any questions. Feel free to send me a message and I would be more than happy. Thank you for your time and keep on writing!
~Knight Onyx
For some reason, I like these mysterious poems, where you don't know why, just now.
I was taught that when writing a poem you put a capital letter for every new line. For some reason, I find this part wrong-ish.
thick fog began to creep
under my feet, it crept up on me.
Because we already know that fog was creeping and know we know fog has crept up on you...wait what?
But that was the only thing that got my mind to go bazookaring away at me.
It's really good and I can't wait to see more (or read more) from you.
Thanks my dear^^ I appreciate your view!