I wonder how many wishes a star can give
As it streaks from the velvet sky?
Perhaps as many as you can make
Before it vanishes from your eye?
-
I wonder how many wishes a shooting star can hold.
What if only the first person to see it
Can make a wish before it grows cold?
Then our wishes won't all fit.
-
But I guess I'll wish anyway,
Whether it comes true or not.
Even if those wishes fade away
At least I've wished a lot.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
I really love this - to me it gave a great sense of hope. Even though the whole poem was about doubt it was just the last line that turned my view around completely and i really liked that.
It also suggests taking chances, you don't know if your wish will come true or if the star is already full up of them but you do it anyway. I love the similes and the use of language so overall i think it was a good piece of writing and just keep it up because i've read through some of your other poems and theyre all very good!
from
cara f x
Thanks so much for your feedback! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate you telling me so.
I really like this. It's beautiful in its child-like simplicity and the whole tone is just so wistful. The end was absolutely perfect, it somehow struck a balance between meloncoy and hope. I love your style of writing and will definitely read more of your work in the fututre. This poem made me smile, and I've had a really shit day so that in itself is something! Keep writing, you have a talent.
Thank you so much! Your compliments mean a lot. I'm glad you liked it!
I like this poem a lot. I love how you compare the sky to velvet. Such a lovely comparison. Some of the rhyming seems a little forced and awkward. The beginning of the second stanza throws everything off a little bit. It's an interesting thing, when thinking and asking about wishes and I think your questions are beautifully delivered. I was however thrown off a bit, because there isn't a question in the last stanza. Maybe try making another stanza that also doesn't have a question? I guess it's fine like that, but all of my poems have to be perfectly symmetrical. Haha.
Your grammar is pretty good and I really like it. It reminds me of dreaming.
Thanks for your feedback! It's very helpful and I'll happily consider your suggestions.
Okay it started Good,
But better to say on this one
you said
Before it Vanishes from your eye?
Would have been better if it was
Before it Vanishes from your eyes
But other then that Great work
Congrats
Dragon!
Thanks for reading and giving me some feedback! I appreciate it a lot!
Hi Liaya,Dark here with review!
I like your poem that raises questions factly and answer all the questions anyway.The theme such as 'childish' but enthralling the readers.
# I wonder how many wishes a star can give
As it streaks from the velvet sky?-->Question.
Perhaps as many as you can make-->Answer.
Before it vanishes from your eye?
Actually,the rhythm here is a bit off.You can try reread this stanza loudly and stop when you feel the peculiarities through the rhyme.The 'grows'* at the third line don't fit to deliver a strong message about how 'the shooting stars burn out'.
I like the end.It is something that makes me stunned and think about it!Good job,you actually can improve this beautiful poem soon.Keep it up.
kudos,cheers
dark
Thanks so much for your review! This is really helpful!