Twit's Scratch and Tear

Hello again Twit!

I'm back to request another review. We had a great back and forth about my "prologue" so I came back for more of your awesome opinions. Would you take a look at Chapter 1 for me?

(Part 1) work.php?id=95055
(Part 2) work.php?id=95059

I split it up because it was a little long. (~ 4,500 words). I tried some different things this time and I'm looking for good feedback. Anyone else viewing this thread is welcome to comment as well. Thanks!

(Congrats on completing your Essay btw)

Kindly review this please? Thanks! It's the second chapter of 'The Dreamer' (you've already reviewed the first one...) Thanks again!

Done everyone!

Hi Twit, could you review my short story Discord Gear? Thanks.

Hi there! I was wondering if you could review my short story? It's a fantasy piece that I wrote for my English class. A review would be wonderful if you could do it. It's called Once A Friend, and here is the link. work.php?id=95312

Done everyone!

Twit!
I'm Ba~ack!

OK, so no one has posted here for a while so I thought I would bump your thread up a bit.

I love your detailed reviews and honesty. So I thought I would come back for more punishment

work.php?id=95667

This is chapter 2 of the story I've been working on. You reviewed the previous two parts for me already. (Although I re-posted edited versions of the Prologue and Ch.1 based on yours and other's suggestions). You weren't too fond of the characters last time, so I tried to work on that. Along with stronger POV consistency too.

btw, you've already done several reviews for me, is there anything of yours that you would like me to review? You can PM it to me or just throw it up on my wall, if you want to that is.

Anyway, take as long as you like. I'm willing to wait for your greatness! Thanks in advance!

Done, Dude!

*le bump*

One poem please. Urgency is requested as I am planning on entering it into the schools poetry comp so I need it done soon.

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=94049

Would you mind reviewing the beginning of my second chapter in my story? Gosh that was a mouthful! Well anyway, I would love to have some really harsh criticism because I feel like something's off with the whole story but haven't managed to figure it out yet! Take as long as you like and thank you!!!!!
work.php?id=95948

Done noninjas and Raelyn!

It's been a while, but if you have a spot of time old sport, could you take a peak at this?

work.php?id=95837

Merci.

Hello Twit,

So here I am once again, seeking your assistance I recently posted Ch. 3 of my story. (Two parts again this time)
Part 1: work.php?id=95978
Part 2: work.php?id=95979

I was careful to try and stay with a strong POV and not jump around like my previous chapters (except for a couple flashbacks). But I'm not sure if I succeeded. There is no more "the girl" or "the man" anymore, but I'm not sure if there is anything else in my writing that shifts the POV. If there is, I can't "see" it.

I'd be interested to know if you think that this latest chapter is better or worse than the previous entries. Along with any other knowledge you could share to help me improve.

That is, whenever you have time for it of course. I'll be patient.

Hi! I was wondering if you could please look at my very first section of my novel Sazerac? It would be so helpful and I would be more than happy to return the favor!

Thanks,
Threnody