Kale

This isn't bad, but it isn't good, either. You've got your basic ideas, and they're strong, but they're quite bare at the moment. A lot of people have similar ideas/experiences, ...

No matter how many times I’ve made you frown You’ve never thrown a fit The rhyming was pretty okay, right up until these two lines. They completely broke any flow ...

There were a lot of ellipses in this, and a lot of them were completely unnecessary. Overusing ellipses is a great way to make readers doubt your writing skills since ...

I will preface this by saying that I haven't read Burden. That said, I tend to prefer sequels that can stand alone, and while this partially can, there are some ...

This ended rather abruptly. Combined with the sudden switch from second to first, and the entire piece overall feels disjointed and incomplete. First- and second-person can work very well together ...

When really she was in the back room With sealed lips, thinking you were spared Spared what? Right now, these two lines don't make much sense grammatically, and there's no ...

It is the crys of Should be "cries". Sadneess to me "Sadness" is misspelled here. This poem is very plain, for lack of a better word. Sadness is such a ...

On the one hand, I like simple and literal poems. On the other hand, there is such a thing as being too simple and literal, and this poem is both. ...

Interesting use of indentation. Some words felt a bit too spaced-out ("stream of forever" in particular), but it really reinforced how stretched-out certain moments were/felt without feeling gimmicky.

Nothing wrong with writing both prose and poetry. I started out primarily as a prose writer, but I acquired a love of poetry along the way. Poems are faster to ...

Continuesly coming, Oh, Should be "continuously". The "Oh," also left me wondering if these were meant to be lyrics or something. It felt out-of-place compared to the rest of the ...

The thing about sonnets is, aside from the 10 syllables per line and the pattern of rhyming, within each line, the meter must be iambic. In other words, there's a ...

On the one hand, I liked the repetition of "In a moment". On the other hand, there were times when I felt that "In the moment" would've been more appropriate, ...

There's a lot of "I" in here, and I found it to be a bit of a detraction, to be honest. It wasn't so much that the poem was "I"-centric; ...

Here, you're talking about sadness, something everyone can immediately relate to, and yet your language treats the subject as if it were something foreign. I got the impression from your ...