Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i like it because , your telling me or least the base of this writing is that every one gets or should have the chance to be love by some for who they really are. it sucks to be in love and have to pretend to be something you hate to the very being of your soul. it sucks getting used to being the person you hate. turning or morphing in to that thing that scares you most.
Ikie! Sorry for the super late review! But I'll give one to make it up! Oh, wait, I will give one whatever happens! Sometimes all these reviews make me crazy! But don't worry, since you have this quirky sincerity (kudos to that) I'll make a very personal review for this one
!
Now first, the subject of the poem. A common topic to discuss: an expansion of the idea 'Don't leave me'. Well, I do love it, still! The topic is a classic, and I see that you've written it as freely and openly as you could, as seen from the tone and mood, so I think it is quite unique, if not special
Next, just a short bit I tell to every poet! Show, don't tell. Yep! You don't narrate the story, you narrate how it goes. I believe that the emotions would be better said in figurative speech. For example, the line 'But embrace me with open arms,'. Yes, it gives imagery, but how about adding what feel do you sense when you are embraced? It would not only show me, but let me feel it, too. Although, I might say that the poem's narration is all in all fine with me because it's some sort of dialogue, so I appreciate it in every angle!
Maybe I'll stop there. This is a great start at poetry, I tell ya! It would be nice to see more of your poems, Ike! Well, good luck writing more of these poems!
Your pal,
Al
Very nice poem. I will have to read some of your other works. Anything below that is in bold are just a few things that need touching up. Otherwise nice job!
Love me as I am now,
Spoiler
For I’ve made countless mistakes,
And I shall encounter more.
But embrace me with open arms,
Comfort me with loving eyes,
And accept me without a doubt.
And I shall do the same. I think that this line should be taken out, and only put in at the end of the poem. Just a suggestion, I found that it threw me off a bit when I was reading.
Do not loathe my history,
Do not fret for my potential,
And only love my current self.
And I will do the same.
NHNT
Nothing wrong with writing both prose and poetry. I started out primarily as a prose writer, but I acquired a love of poetry along the way.
Poems are faster to complete than stories, oftentimes, though they're not necessarily easier. XD
Making and encountering don't quite match up in meaning, which weakens the meaning of these two lines a lot more than you'd expect. You have so few words to work with in a poem, so when two words' meanings don't work together, that really hurts the poem as a whole.
The period of the line before added to the stanza-all-its-own really, really separates this line (and the "will do" line) from the rest of the poem in a not-good way. There's emphasis, and then there's over-emphasis, and what's happened here is over-emphasis. In this case, simply getting rid of the period ending the preceding line should fix things.
Overall, it's not a bad start for poetry, but there's definitely room for improvement and experimentation. Before you decide that you're not a poet, try studying poetry a bit more; you may be surprised at just how nuanced it can be, even/especially the form poems.
I really like your poem! It is written from a great perspective, and I love the way it is spaced; it adds drama. The only suggestion I have is to use a wider range of vocabulary and some metaphors to paint an image in the reader's mind. Keep writing!