The Magnitude of a Moment

by Twitch

Published April 19, 2012

In Poems

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In a moment 
I blink my eyes
Truth becomes lies
A lost love dies

In a moment
A message sends
The one rule bends
A friendship ends

In a moment 
My pink gum pops 
The only ball drops
A worn heart stops

In a moment
I win the game
we can feel shame
Nothing's the same
Comments & reviews · 1
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Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review Review · May 9, 2012

On the one hand, I liked the repetition of "In a moment". On the other hand, there were times when I felt that "In the moment" would've been more appropriate, such as in the first and second stanzas in particular, though now that I think about it, "In the moment" would work for all the stanzas. Making the moment more definite would help the repeated first line connect better with the other lines of each stanza. Right now, they're a bit disjointed, and it's a bit puzzling.

This puzzling disjointedness is particularly noticeable in the second stanza. "In a moment a message sends" doesn't make as much sense (to me at least) as "In the moment a message sends". The first version leaves me wondering "The message sends what?" while the latter version feels more like the message is sending a moment that triggers the rest of the events in the stanza.

Little things like these really do make a huge difference in a poem, and considering how the line was repeated throughout the poem, what would otherwise be a minor blip becomes a bit more obvious.



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