Published April 21, 2012
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Spared what? Right now, these two lines don't make much sense grammatically, and there's no clear implication of what "you" was spared from. As a result, the cared/spared rhyme feels extremely forced, especially since the rhythms of the rhyming lines does not match up.
Rhyme is based on patterns and is an extension of rhythm. If there is no clear pattern in the rhythm, the rhymes will fall flat. Throughout this poem, you have an inconsistent rhythm, which sabotages the rhyming, which in turn detracts from the poem.
Poems do not have to rhyme. Some poems work better without rhymes; this may be one of them.
If you do wish to keep this a rhyming poem though, you'll need to work on the rhythm. There are a couple of articles in the KB you might find particularly helpful: Hannah's article on Poetic Devices and Lumi's on Iambic Pentameter.
Rhymes cannot stand alone and require a strong rhythm to work. A strong rhythm, on the other hand, does not need a rhyme, so there's no need to force rhyming.
Nicely written, I really like the flow of it! Depressing and slightly chilling, yet I like it a lot
Thanks!