Published April 20, 2012
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There were a lot of ellipses in this, and a lot of them were completely unnecessary. Overusing ellipses is a great way to make readers doubt your writing skills since overuse of ellipses is one of the most recognizeable hallmarks of an inexperienced writer, especially when the ellipses are not consistently written (you sometimes have ".." instead of "...").
The thing is, you have a very good flow and some strong images in this piece, and if you could vary your punctuation a bit more, cutting down on all the ellipses, you'd create a much more competent first impression. How a poem looks is very important, and the more polished your piece looks, the more people are likely to read it.