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Runaway- Chapter 2

by yourlocalsatanist

We hear a knock at the door and Cullen gets up to answer it. It was one of the workers, Lisa, I think. She came to call us down because someone wanted to look at us along with other kids, “Be right there” Cullen says. We get our shoes on and walk down the stairs. When we make it down we finally see why they wanted to call us down, It was a goth family. Me and Cullen look at each other and sigh. We sit down on one of the couches and just talk with each other. The family picks lizzie and her little brother Joanah. They all leave and I get up to go to my room and in the hallway Cullen grabs me. I look at him confused when he says. “Ravin, theres something you need to know.” “what is it?” I ask him confused. “My birthday isnt in 3 months, it’s tomorrow..” He tells me. It takes me a moment to take that in but then I finally say. “So you leave tomorrow..?” I say hoping he is just joking with me. “Yea” He tells me. I look at him dissapointed. “Why did you lie to me?” I ask him. “I didnt want you to get disappointed or sad that we’ve only been hanging out for 3 days and then I just leave.”

He tells me while his voice is sorrowful. After we talk it out we go to the room and I lay down to go to sleep. The bad part about all of this is I developed feelings for Cullen over the past three days I’ve been here with him and now hes just leaving. Its the next day and I wake up to a knocking on the door. Cullen answers and talks to the person, when hes done though he walks back in with no emotion. “Its time for me to leave” He tells me. “Oh..” I say trying to hold back tears but my voice cracks. “You’ll be fine, I promise.” He tells me. “I know” I say to him as a tear rolls down my face. “Goodbye” He says to me. “Goodbye” I say as my voice cracks and more tears roll down my face. He grabs his bag and walks out the room, I cry when he leaves. I cry for a bit until I can’t cry anymore. Hes gone.. I can’t believe he is truly gone, after only three days? Ive got to chase after him I have to find him I can’t just let him leave. I make a plan to runaway from the foster home. I grab my black hoodie and my Sweatpants and I repack my bag and open the window in my room. I jump out and tumble onto the ground and then quickly get up. I look around at the pitch black city and see a person, I look at the person in hope it’s Cullen. I walk up to the person slowly and there he is, Cullen is right infront of me and I run to hug him. He is surprised but hugs me back. “How are you here?” He asked me. “It doesnt matter, i’m here now with you..”. The hug last for a bit until I let go. “Cullen I have something to tell you..” I say to him. “What is it?” He asks me. “I think- or well I developed, feelings for um… you..” I say sheepishly. “Really?” He says to me. I look down when I finally hear him say. “ I like you too.” 

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Points: 43
Reviews: 1

Wed Nov 01, 2023 7:59 pm
Flowers wrote a review...

I read the chapter before this one and I was waiting to find this one. I'm glad I did! I really like how you added the goth family, not many people would do that, I feel they would do a rich or casual family. I also wanted to add that I was kinda surprised he was leaving and got disappointed but after she ran away from the foster home and found him telling him she likes him, I was kind of expecting him to say it back.I just wanted to say it was a pretty good chapter and had a nice twist to it.

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667 Reviews

Points: 10927
Reviews: 667

Sat Oct 28, 2023 10:42 pm
Messenger wrote a review...

Back one more time today and I can say before I even read it that removing the bold lettering already looks better and is easier on the eyes to read. So, let's get to this review, shall we?

1. Right off the bat I'm confused how three days have passed. Perhaps I missed it, but it seemed like she Arrived at the home, met Cullen, went to sleep and woke up the next morning. Then they hung out and now he's telling her he lied and it's been three days?

2. I'm not sure Cullen's explanation makes much sense. If he was leaving immediately, why even befriend Ravin? He didn't seem to approach like he was into her, but we'll get to that.

3. I'd like to see the scenes extended more. What does this home look like? What does Cullen look like for that matter? How does Ravin feel about not getting picked by the families that come in? Does she want to go back to her dad, or does she want to go solo?

4. Oh boy. So, he's eighteen now, we've established, and she's fifteen. They have feelings for each other, which isn't necessarily crazy, but it does seem extremely predatory. He almost lured her in from the beginning and now doesn't have the courage to tell her that their relationship is literally illegal, and a little creepy. The fact that he had her get in bed was already weird, but now just seems incredibly creepy. I hope there's some sort of twist coming, and that he's not just a weird dude :/

5. Overall, right now, I would focus your next chapters on making your writing in paragraphs, including your dialogue, making sure you're writing in the same tense throughout, and adding a little more description using the five senses of taste, touch, smell, sight, and hear!

~ Messy

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1080 Reviews

Points: 344
Reviews: 1080

Fri Oct 27, 2023 5:38 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Cullen likes Ravin too? On one hand, Ravin could run away with Cullen, but risk getting hurt when she could have stayed in the foster home. On the other hand, she could stay at the foster home but get sent to a horrible family. Or risk never getting adopted at all. Where does her happiness lie?

I hope that you will have a fantastic and amazing day and night. Goodbye for now!

yourlocalsatanist says...

Thank you, I hope you have a good night or day too!

Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr