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Magik: Search for the Tome (Prologue & Chapter 1)

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Prologue

Early 1930s,

Hong Kong

“Come back here! Don’t try to run away!” yelled an angry voice in Cantonese.

Matthew Tan, not heeding the calls of the angry voice to stop, rushed down a flight of stairs as fast as his legs could carry him. As he exited the building he was in, he found himself in right the middle of one of Hong Kong’s famous and colourful street markets. The street were crowded with people both young and old going about their business and merchants trying to peddle their wares. There was also the distinct smell of incense sticks burning and food which permeated the cool night air. The young Chinese man, standing in the middle of the moving crowd in the hopes of concealing himself, closed his eyes for a brief moment, imagining the entrance to his friend’s antiquities store in his mind’s eye. He opened his eyes to find himself still in the middle of the street he was on and not in front of Wong’s store. I can’t blink out?

“There he is! Over here!” shouted a voice in Cantonese over the already noisy atmosphere.

Matthew turned towards the direction in which the voice came from and saw the figure of a bald man wearing a black jacket over a white shirt coming towards him along with two other of his associates. Not good, not good, thought Matthew as he began to run again. He weaved his way through the large crowd of people of fast as he could, all the while gripping his wand tightly in his right hand and a cricket sized orb made purely out of jade in his left. “Sorry, so sorry,” apologised Matthew every time he bumped into someone as he weaved through the crowd to make his escape. I wonder why they aren’t blinking to catch me? Then it dawned on Matthew that the reason as to why he couldn’t blink out or why his enemy wasn’t blinking in to seize him was because there was probably an anti-blinking spell cast over the street they were on to prevent thefts. I need to get out of the market.

Matthew looked back to see that the men pursuing him was getting closer, pushing their way through the crowd to get to him. He could also see that all three of them had their intricately carved wands drawn. This isn’t a place for a duel. I need to find a way to distract them and get away from here, lest innocent people get caught in the crossfire. Matthew quickly scanned his immediate surroundings, hoping to find something that could help him. That could work. Matthew lifted his finely carved chestnut wand and pointed it towards a stall selling newspapers.

“Etbulliet!” Matthew yelled.

The stacks of newspapers on the stand he was aiming at shot up into the air before swarming his pursuers like a swarm of angry bees, slowing them down and obscuring their sight. That should slow them down, said Matthew to himself, smiling while admiring his spell work briefly before making his escape.

Almost there, said Matthew to himself, seeing a large beautifully lit Chinese arch which served as the entrance as well as the exit to the street he was on. His joy, however, was short lived as he soon saw the familiar figure of William Choo, the boss of one of Hong Kong’s newest triads, blocking his way along with his two bodyguards. Matthew looked around his surroundings to try and find another way out, another exit, but there was none. He only could go forward, and it looked like he would have to fight his way out of this mess.

“Hand back the orb,” demanded the William in impeccable English.

Matthew shook his head. “You know I can’t do that. This orb belongs in a museum where it rightfully belongs.”

“That orb belongs to me!” yelled William. “It is mine!”

Matthew could see that the people were starting to disperse in all directions, not wanting to be caught in the eventual crossfire if a duel takes place.

“If you don’t hand back the orb to me willingly, I will take it by force!” William along with his two bodyguards drew their intricately carved wands from their belt holsters, readying themselves for battle.

There’s no way I can take on three triad members at once, thought Matthew, analysing the situation. He could feel sweat starting to trickle down his back. I’ve no choice. I’ve to give him the orb.

“Fine, you win,” said Matthew in defeat. “You can have the orb back.”

Matthew lobbed the jade orb he had been holding tightly in his left hand towards William. The triad boss smirked as he caught the jade orb with his left hand. “A smart choice.”

“You have the orb back,” said Matthew. “So can I go?”

William smiled maliciously as he shook his head slowly. “I”m afraid I can’t let you do that. The other triads would think me weak if I let someone who’s stolen from me simply walk away with no consequences. You have to be punished.”

Matthew sighed. “I thought you’d say that.”

Matthew in one quick motion raised his wand and pointed it towards the orb William held in his hand. The jade orb immediately began to glow and pulsate before exploding in a brilliant flash of light that was as bright as the morning sun. Matthew who had been shielding his eyes from the flash of light could see that William and his two bodyguards were blinded, as they were feeling the air around them, trying to get their bearings. The jade orb that was previously in William’s left hand was also nowhere to be seen. Now’s my chance.

“Debilito!” yelled Matthew. A blue bolt of pure magical energy surged out of his wand and hit William, causing the triad boss to fall back, unconscious. Matthew then proceeded to do the same to his two bodyguards, knocking them both unconscious. That should keep them off my back for a few minutes.

Not wanting to waste any time, Matthew immediately made his way for the large archway which served as entrance and exit for the street he was on. As soon as he passed the archway and onto another street, he reached into the inner right pocket of his dark brown leather jacket and pulled out the real jade orb. Time to get you to a museum, said Matthew to himself, smiling as he looked at the beautiful jade orb. He closed his eyes and in a flash of blue light, disappeared, leaving only a faint trace of white smoke behind.

***************************************************************

Chapter 1

Four weeks later,

Great Britain

Matthew, standing in front of a large blackboard which was already filled with notes and other drawings, drew the picture of a staff on it with the small piece of chalk he held in his hand. The staff he was drawing was like any other staff, save the elaborate headpiece which resembled that of a falcon’s head with a sun disk resting on its top. Matthew, unlike many of his colleagues, preferred to actually write and draw on the blackboard with his own hands instead of using his magic to do so. He turned around upon finishing his drawing of the staff to address a classroom which was filled with familiar faces. Matthew was still surprised that so many of his students from his history class had decided to take his class on Ancient Artefacts as one of their electives for their sixth year.

“The Staff of Ra,” began Matthew, pointing to a drawing of the staff on the blackboard . “Is said to have been forged by Ra himself. According to hieroglyphic records, it is said that the staff bestows its wielder the power of Ra. The power to control fire as well as the sun. Hieroglyphic records indicate that-”

The school bell rang, its ringing sound filling the classroom.

“We’ll stop here for today. Any questions?” said Matthew as soon as the bell stopped ringing.

One of his students, a Chinese girl, raised her hand to ask Matthew a question. “Yes, Mia.”

“Where’s the staff now?” asked the fifteen year old student.

“No one knows for sure,” answered Matthew. “The staff and the temple where it was said to have been in has been buried beneath the sands of Egypt, lost to time. No one has been able to find it yet.” Matthew looked to his students and smiled. “But perhaps one day in the future, one of you, will be able to find it. Any more questions?”

There were no further questions, so Matthew dismissed the class for the day. As soon as the last of his studentshad left the classroom, Matthew began to pack up to leave as well. Just as he was about to erase the notes and drawings he had made earlier on the blackboard, he heard the sound of the old but sturdy wooden door to the classroom opening. He turned his attention to the classroom’s entrance and saw an elderly bald man with a wrinkled kind face dressed in a bespoke dark grey suit stepping into the room. Following closely behind the elderly gentleman was a middle-aged man with combed back curly dark brown hair who was also wearing a bespoke black suit along with a pair of black thick framed glasses.

“Is something the matter, Professor Xavier? Am I in trouble?” asked Matthew, looking at the headmaster of Cambroxzen before briefly glancing over to the man who stood next to him. I wonder who that could be. He looks like someone from government.

Professor Ian Xavier smiled warmly, like how a grandfather would to a grandchild. “You’re not in trouble, Matthew. You have a visitor here from the Custrox Office, Mr. Chistopher Hart.”

I wonder what the Custrox Office wants with a lowly history and archaeology professor like me.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Professor Tan,” said the Ministry of Justice official in respectable English. “I’ve heard a great deal of things about you.”

“All good I hope,” chuckled Matthew.

“Of course,” said Hart. “Your reputation of an adventurer and obtainer of rare antiquities and artefacts is quite well known.”

“So what can I do for you, Mister Hart?”

“Professor Tan, what I’m about to tell you is strictly confidential,” began Hart. “Nothing goes beyond this four walls and the three of us. Is that understood?”

Matthew nodded. “I understand.”

“Over the last year, there’s been chatter going around that Adolf Reichfeur has been secretly trying to acquire various artefacts from around the world. Two days ago, our counterparts in Egypt confirmed that chatter. They intercepted a series of messages addressed to Adolf Reichfeur himself, indicating that one of his dig teams had managed to discover something in one of their dig sites outside of Cairo. Unfortunately we can’t make anything out of it. Maybe you can?” Christopher Hart reached into his suits inner pocket and took out a piece of paper which he unfolded immediately. “Temple of Thoth dig halted. Unable to open inner chamber. Help needed deciphering unknown hieroglyphs found in outer chamber. Alastair Croft.”

“The Temple of Thoth is real,” muttered Matthew under his breath.

“What exactly is the Temple of Thoth?” asked Hart.

“It is a temple that the Ancient Egyptians built to worship the god Thoth,” answered Professor Xavier.

“It is also said that the Tome of Thoth, is housed within the inner chamber of the temple,” added Matthew.

“Now what is the Tome of Thoth?” asked Hart as he corrected his glasses.

“Its a book of spells, said to contain some of the most powerful and potent spells in all of Ancient Egypt. It was a source of power for many of the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt,” answered Professor Xavier.

If Reichfeur gets a hand of the Tome, there’s no telling what sort of chaos he could unleash on not only Europe, but the world.

“Professor Tan-”

“Call me Matthew.”

“Matthew, you were a student under Alastair Croft, right?”

Matthew nodded. “That’s right.”

“Do you know as to why Reichfeur’s men would mention the professor in their communique?”

“Because he’s an expert on the Temple of Thoth,” began Matthew. “He spent most of his life studying about the Temple and searching for it. For a lack of a better word, he obsessed over it. No one knows more about the Temple of Thoth than any other men or women on the planet. And I have a feeling that they want him to help them deciphering the unknown hieroglyphs to get into the inner chamber.”

“We need to find Professor Croft before Reichfeur’s men do then,” said Hart. “Do you know where he is?”

“Last I heard, he was in Egypt,” replied Matthew. “But that was about two years ago.”

“Is it possible for you to find him?” asked Hart.

“I…could try asking an old mutual friend in Cairo. He might know where Professor Croft is. But I can’t just up and leave like that, I have classes to teach.”

“Don’t worry about your classes, Matthew,” said Professor Xavier, smiling. “I can take over them until you return from Egypt.”

“A-Are you sure, sir?” asked Matthew.

“Of course I am,” said Professor Xavier, still smiling. “It would be nice to teach again.”

“So will you help us find Professor Croft?” asked Hart again.

Matthew nodded. “I’ll find the professor.” He just hoped that wherever Professor Croft is at right now, that he is safe, and that he finds him before any of Reichfeur men does.

***

The large circular office of Professor Horatio Baldwin, potions master of Cambroxzen, was brightly lit, warm and inviting; nothing like the gloomy, dimly-lit, cold and uninviting dungeon it was located at. Matthew realised that very little has changed in Professor Baldwin’s office since the time he was a student at Cambroxzen. The walls of the office were still lined with shelves of glass jars both small and large that were filled with bits of animals and plants, floating in potions of varying colours. There was also still the large portrait of the famous 15th century potions master, Richard Boyle, which hung above the roaring fireplace. In the corner, there was still the large oak cupboard which Professor Baldwin kept his personal stash of Potions ingredients and Potions which he had brewed. The only noticeable difference Matthew could see was the picture frames that were placed on the professor’s finely made desk.

“So where’s your adventure taking you to this time?” asked Professor Baldwin, smiling so broadly that his double chin became even more obvious.

“Egypt, professor,” replied Matthew who sat across from his Professor Baldwin.

“Now what did I tell you about calling me professor,” said the hefty built man.

Matthew chuckled. “Not to do so any more.”

Professor Baldwin smiled. “Exactly, my dear boy.”

“I’m sorry, but its not easy to stop calling you professor,” said Matthew. “After all, I’ve been calling you professor since they day I met you. It’s kind of hard to shake eight years worth of conditioning.”

Professor Baldwin burst out laughing, his laugher echoing throughout his office. “Quite right, quite right. So, what takes you to Egypt this time?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you,” apologised Matthew, shaking his head. “The Custrox Office has sworn me to secrecy.”

“I see, I see,” said Professor Baldwin, nodding. “Well whatever it is, it must be important. So, the usual, my dear boy?”

Matthew nodded. “The usual.”

Professor Baldwin drew his wand from the inner pocket of his chequered tweed jacket and pointed it at the oak cupboard where he kept the potions which he had brewed. The doors to the cupboard opened, and Matthew could see that there were many potions of varying colours being stored in it. Four round glass bottles, two red and two green, levitated out of cupboard slowly and towards Professor Baldwin’s desk.

“There you go, my boy,” said Professor Baldwin as soon as the four round glass bottles gently landed on his desk. “Two healing potions and two antidote potions.”

“Thank you,” said Matthew before picking up the four round glass bottles one by one and placing them inside his leather sling bag.

“Don’t mention it my boy. It’s a pleasure to help. Tell me, Matthew,” began Professor Baldwin before pausing for a moment. “On your adventures, do you often have to sneak in and out of places undetected?”

“Sometimes, but not all the time,” replied Matthew. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve something that might be of great use to you.”

“What is it?” asked Matthew, curious to know what his former potions professor had.

“An invisibility cloak,” replied Professor Baldwin, smiling.

Professor Baldwin opened one of the drawers of his large desk and proceeded to take out a fairly large wooden box which had intricately carved markings on it. He opened the wooden box upon placing it on his desk, and in it was a silver cloak.

“Here you go, my dear boy,” said Professor Baldwin, taking out the silver cloak and handing it to Matthew. “It’s a little old, but its still in perfect working order the last time I checked.”

Matthew as he graciously took the cloak from his former professor. Although Professor Baldwin had said the cloak was old, it still felt soft and smooth in his hand, like finely woven silk, and it shimmered ever so slightly whenever the light from the fireplace hit it. “A-Are you sure you want to give away something so expensive?”

“What’s an old potions professor such like myself going to use an invisibility cloak for?” began Professor Baldwin. “I think it’ll be better off with you instead. You’ll have more use for it then I will ever do.”

“Thank you, Horatio. I-I really appreciate it,” said Matthew before putting the cloak into his sling bag. “I’ll make sure to put it to good use.”

Professor Baldwin smiled. “I know you will, my dear boy.”

The sound of the school bell ringing echoed throughout Professor Baldwin’s office.

“I should get going. I still have one more class to teach.”

“As do I,” said Professor Baldwin, getting up from his chair. “Stay safe, Matthew, and comeback in one piece.”

Matthew smiled. “I will, and thanks again for all of your help.”

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Eternity
Review

Hello! Kilg here for a promised review!

Hmm, more fantasy; I don't normally review fantasy and a lot of the time I tend to stay away from it, but a lot of you fantasy writers have drawn me in with this crazy-interesting stories.

Plotline: I enjoy it. Though, it's not entirely clear to me. There are a lot of things I had to go back and reread because of misunderstanding context. However, I enjoyed the plot line so far and I'm eager to read more!

Description: Yaaaaaaay! Description. Alright, so as a writer, my biggest thing about writing is description. This is something you lack. You're all well in good in dialogue, but I'll get to that in a moment. Describe characters, surroundings, noises, your sight, etc. What is your character seeing? Feeling? Thinking? Doing? Smelling? Etc. Character development and detaiiil are two very important things within a story.

Dialogue: I'm not too much of a big fan of dialogue. Too much of it is taking away from detail. Too much can bore the reader just as too little can. Sprinkle it in here and there in regards to the importance of dialogue, not the small talk. That's, of course, just a suggestion. ALSO, spice up your words after dialogue. Such as:

"said Matthew."

Spice it up with emotion. "Matthew snapped." or "Matthew grinned deviously."

Other than that, grammar wise I see no issue. Just watch for too much use of commas and all that ^^

Have a good day! Keep on writing!

~Kilg

User avatar
JadeBunny
Review

This is a really good prologue! There were some grammatical errors, like “But perhaps one day in the future, one of you, will be able to find it. Any more questions?” instead of “But perhaps one day in the future, one of you will be able to find it. Any more questions?”. (Note the removed comma.) Also it was a little too long for a prologue in my opinion. However, I like that there wasn't too much infodumping. I hope you continue the story. I'm reminded of Harry Potter a bit, but the story was original enough to make it not feel too similar. There's some redundancy at the beginning where you said a voice shouted in Cantonese twice. If you've already said it once, the reader's going to assume everything is said in Cantonese unless stated otherwise.

User avatar
JadeBunny
Comment

This is a really good prologue! There were some grammatical errors, like “But perhaps one day in the future, one of you, will be able to find it. Any more questions?” instead of “But perhaps one day in the future, one of you will be able to find it. Any more questions?”. Also it was a little too long for a prologue in my opinion. However, I like that there wasn't too much infodumping. I hope you continue the story.

User avatar
LerajeAnguis Comment

Just... Finally. A prologue done right. No backstory, no infodump. An exciting adventure, as it should be. Seriously, thank you.

User avatar
Ninlil
Review
Ninlil wrote a review · Sat Dec 17, 2016 10:38 pm

Hej!
Reading this was highly enjoyable. Indeed I could hardly concentrate on anything but the story.
Yet after a second time of scanning it through I can point out following things that need some honing.

The language was overall adequate and witty. Some formulation were slightly awkward or unsuitable.
For example:
At the very beginning, it says "a voice in Cantonese" twice. The second time simply saying "someone" without "in Cantonese" would suffice.

This orb belongs in a museum where it rightfully belongs.”

This sentence could be cut in half, as it is basically stating the same thing twice. Also in the following sentence, you use "belongs" once more, you could try finding a synonym instead.
He turned around upon finishing his drawing of the staff to address a classroom which was filled with familiar faces. Matthew was still surprised that so many of his students from his history class had decided to take his class on Ancient Artifacts as one of their electives for their sixth year.

I had to read these sentences several times because they are way too long and there is a huge clump of information to take in. Try to divide them into smaller sentences and only give the reader the most essential information. For example "as one of their electives" could be erased, as it doesn't seem crucial to the plot. (Plus, I don't even know what electives are)
Although Professor Baldwin had said the cloak was old, it still felt soft and smooth in his hand, like finely woven silk, and it shimmered ever so slightly whenever the light from the fireplace hit it.

There is no need to mention that Baldwin said the cloak is old, as we just read him saying it.
I could go on, but all of these are minor flaws and do not disrupt the flow of the story. I advise you to read it through a few more times with a strong focus on the language, ideally with the assistance of Strunk and White

Now to the content.
I was very entertained by the action-packed prolog that immediately captured my attention and pleased with the 1 chapter that let me venture deeper into this historical world filled with magic.
Already at the beginning J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter world came to my mind, especially after the presentation of the invisibility cloak. It has been a few years since I read the series, so I can't tell how much overlaps, yet if you do not want to write a fanfiction, keep a safe distance from her world and fill yours with own, unique ideas.
Otherwise, I don't have anything to pick on.
Well, except that almost all characters are male, just in case you weren't aware already.

So to conclude I am truly intrigued by this beginning and I hope you keep working on it.



i enjoy repeating things twice in poetry. but only ever twice. nothing tragic ever happens thrice if i have control of it
— theromanticchemist