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Chalice of Life: Chapter 10 (Part 1)

"This is the place," announced agent Christopher Hart of the Ministry of Artifact Recovery to his partner of almost twenty years, Russell Luther. He then walked up the steps to the front door of the brown stones house which had probably seen better days.The house was located in a rather dodgy London neighbourhood. Russell followed his partner’s lead. He was a tall and well built black man. His black hair was shaved and his short boxed styled beard was greying slightly. Like Christopher, he looked ever so much like a gentlemen. Dressed to impress.

It was a cool and sunny day in London today with not a cloud in the sky. Few people were out and about doing their own business, those who were did not pay any attention or give a second glance to Christopher or Russell who were both wearing a finely tailoured suit and a long black trench coat over them. They had gotten a potential lead on the case involving the theft of the Chalice of Life from Eragash, and their lead led them here, to the house of one of the bank’s guards that failed to report in for work for over a week after the break in. The disappearance of this particular guard especially after the break in immediately raised a red flag with both Christopher and Russell when the bank eventually informed them of the missing guard. Both Christopher and Russell did not like the fact that Eragash had kept this pertinent piece of information to themselves until the day before. Precious time has been lost if indeed this missing guard is in someone way related to the break-in.

Christopher knocked gently on the worn out and weathered front door of the house and waited for a response. “Coming, coming,” said a motherly like voice from the other end of the door. The door creaked open slowly to reveal an elderly woman on the other side of the door. She was a rather plump woman who was half a head shorter than Christopher and a head and a half shorter than Russel. Her shoulder length hair was greying and she was wearing a soiled apron over a very simple and plain grey dress. It looked to Christopher that they had caught the elderly woman in the middle of her cleaning her house. “Can I help you two gentlemen?” asked the old lady to the duo.

“Good morning madam, does a Mr. Leo Fletcherly live here?” asked Russell who had a typical British accent. His voice was deep, soothing and reassuring.

“Yes, yes he does live here,” answered the elderly lady. “Is the young man in some sort of trouble?”

“No madam. We just need to ask him a few questions,” answered Christopher politely.

“May we come in?” asked Russell politely.

“Yes, yes come in,” invited the elderly woman.

The house looked much better on the inside than on the outside. The brown coloured walls of the entrance walkway which lead up to the stairs were lined with pictures of what looked like family pictures of the elderly woman on one side, and on the other side, hung decorative plates of animals. The way this old lady has decorated her house somewhat reminded Christopher of his grand aunt’s Petunia’s house which he would visit every summer.

“Can I get you two gentlemen anything?” asked this elderly woman to the two agents.

“That won’t be necessary madam,” replied Russell with a warm smile. “Though, could you tell us a bit about Mr. Fletcherly?”

“What do you want to know about him?”

“What sort of person is he like?” asked Christopher to the elderly woman.

“Well he’s a nice boy. He joins me for tea from time to time and helps me around the house when he is able,” answered the elderly lady before she paused for a moment, “but for the past month, he has been acting...weird and unlike himself.”

“Weird how?” Russell asked.

“Well he doesn’t greet me hello like he normally does when he comes back and he has been turning down all my offers for tea. Plus he locks himself in the room for most of the time. I thought nothing much, I chalked up his change in behaviour to stress,” answered the elderly lady to the two agents.

“Interesting indeed,” voiced Christopher out loud as he adjusted his glasses.

“Do you mind telling us where his room is, madam?” asked Russell.

“Oh yes, certainly. Its up these stairs and to the left. You can’t miss it. Please be gentle with him, he is a good man,” remarked the elderly lady to the two artefact recovery agents as they took their first steps up the stairs that led to the first floor.

“Don’t worry madam, we’re only going to be asking him a few questions,” assured Christopher before continuing up the flight of stairs.

Christopher and Russell stood in front of the door that led into Mr.Fletcherly’s room. On the door was pasted a huge sign written ‘Do Not Disturb’. Christopher disregarded the sign and proceeded to knock on the door. There was no response. Christopher knocked on the door again. “Mr. Fletcherly, we are agents from the Ministry of Artefact Recovery and we need a word with you,” announced Christopher loud enough that perhaps the whole house could hear him. Still no response whatsoever.

“Is he even at home?” queried Russell to his partner and friend.

“He should be. If he wasn’t that nice old lady downstairs would have told us,” replied Christopher before he knocked on the door yet again, this time louder than the last.

“Hang on, let me check,” declared Russell as he placed his index and middle finger of his left hand on his left temple before muttering an incantation as he closed his eyes. A ring of blue energy made out of runic inscriptions formed around his two fingers. Russell opened his eyes slowly. His dark brown iris was no longer dark brown, it now glowed blue.

“I see you’re still proficient in the use of Ancient Magic,” remarked Christopher to Russell.

“Of course,” responded Russell with a smile. “I don’t want to be totally useless if I ever get my wand taken from me through some unforseen circumstances.”

“Very true, very true. So is there anyone in that room?” queried Christopher.

“I see a life sign in the room. It’s rather weak though,” answered Russell. “It looks like whoever is in that room is in trouble.”

“Well then, we better get in there, and help that person” announced Christopher as he tried to open the door. Unfortunately, it was locked. Christopher let out a sigh. He released the door’s knob and hovered his hand over it before he started to chant an incantation. Almost immediately after chanting, a fairly large circle of yellow energy with runic inscriptions formed on the palm of his hand. The door knob began to glow before the sound of the lock unlocking could be heard. Before opening the door, Christopher drew his wand from his trench coat’s left inner pocket. Russell followed suit.

Christopher opened the unlocked door quickly. Russell entered the room first and immediately made his way to the source of the faint life sign he had picked up earlier on with the spell he used. Christopher followed closely behind him. The room was in a mess. It looked as if someone had ransacked the place. There was paper and items strewn all over the wooden floor, and the little furniture in the room was overthrown. What happened here, said Christopher to himself.

Russell and Christopher found the source of the faint life sign signature, it was emanating from the body of Mr. Fletcherly. He was tied and bound to a chair and was staring blankly into space. His eyes were grey and looked devoid of life.

“Russell call an ambulance,” ordered Christopher as he pointed his wand towards the direction of Mr. Fletcherly. Russel nodded before walking off to make the call. The tip of Christopher’s wand began to glow before producing a cone of energy which emanated from the tip. He waited to see whether the dark magic detection spell he had cast picked up any sort of jinx, hex or curse that might be placed on Mr. Fletcherly or the area that surrounded him. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of any traps that might be have left behind by whoever had tied up and bound Mr. Fletcherly. Once he was certain that there were no traps, he approached the injured Eragash vault guard who had gone from a potential suspect to a victim. Christopher with one downward cutting motion of his wand, cut the ropes that bound Mr. Fletcherly to the chair. Fletcherly’s body slumped as soon as the ropes were cut.

“How’s he doing?” asked Russell as he placed his phone back into his trench jacket’s inner pocket and walked over to his partner.

Christopher knelt down next to Fletcherly and placed two fingers on his neck to try and take his pulse. Fletcherly’s pulse was slow and weak, and it was getting weaker. Christopher shook his head, “Not good. He’s getting weaker. It appears that he’s been cursed with some spell that is slowly draining his life force,” stated Christopher as he looked at Mr.Fletcherly’s blank grey eyes. He had seen this sort of curse firsthand. It was used to protect the tomb of a pharaoh that he and few artefact recovery agents had been assigned to. He wondered as to why whoever placed the curse did not kill Fletccherly outright. Whoever placed the curse on Fletcherly was clearly someone evil and who delighted in the suffering of others.“Are the healers on their way?”

“They’ll arrive shortly,” answered Russell. “Who could have done this?”

“I have no idea,” replied Christopher as he stood up from his kneeling position. “But whoever it was, apparently doesn’t want Mr. Fletcherly to talk.”

“Do you think he was collaborating with the person who broke into the Eragash? And payment for helping was getting cursed?” queried Russell as he stroked his greying bearded chin.

“I don’t know,” replied Christopher as he stroked his chin. “We would have to ask him, if he manages to survive.”

The sounds of footsteps rushing up the stairs turned Christopher’s and Russell’s attention away from Mr. Fletcherly and towards the door of his room. Two Emergency Healing Unit personnel came rushing into Mr. Fletcherly’s room through the door which neither Christopher or Russel had bothered to close behind them. The two EHU personnel were both carrying a dark blue sling bag with the symbol of the star of life. They were both also wearing a bright neon green rain jacket over their white uniform which had the words ‘Healer’ inscribed on the back.

The two EHU personnel upon entering the room quickly attended to Mr. Fletcherly and took his vitals before they began casting a number of healing spells on him to try and stabilise his condition. Christopher was impressed by their abilities. It was not easy to be a healer. Not only must they be proficient in all sort of healing charms, but they also must possess a decent enough knowledge of jinxes, hexes as well as curses and their respective counters.

“He’s not stabilising and his vitals are continuing to drop. We need to get him to hospital immediately,” announced one of the healers. His partner nodded in agreement with his assessment.

“Where are you taking him to?” asked Russell who like Christopher, had been observing the healers as they tried to stabilise Mr. Fletcherly.

“We’re taking him to Royal London,” answered one of the healers who then placed his thumb on Mr.Fletcherly. His partner followed suit. Almost immediately after his partner placed his thumb on Mr. Fletcherly’s forehead, the three of them disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind a little brimstone.

“I guess we best make our way Royal London then,” said Russell to Christopher who was standing next to him.

Christopher nodded his head. “Yes, yes we should. I hope that the healers there can stabilise him. Because so far, he’s our only solid lead on who could be behind the theft of the chalice.” 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
megsug
Review
megsug wrote a review · Tue Jan 05, 2016 4:27 pm

Ah. I'm familiar with this stage in the novel where your reviewer base drops off. T'is the life of a novelist, I suppose.

This was by far your best chapter. It was smooth, interesting, and the prose was better than it has been before. I'm really very impressed. The addition of this life draining spell is definitely interesting though I feel like if the guard lives things will be a little too easy for Russell and Christopher.

I'm a little confused about where Mr. Fletcherly lives. Is it a boarding house?

I also found the sign on his door a little juvenile. The only people I know who have Do Not Disturb signs on their doors are middle schoolers...

I have to wonder what things change in a society because there's magic. They called for an ambulance but then the healers just magicked out of the house to the hospital. There's no need for an ambulance. The healers can just teleport to the address. Would there even be cars in this world since people can just transport via magic? This is important to your world building. Because then the question is: what else does magic make useless?

I can't answer those questions for you since this isn't my world, but I think it's something you should be thinking about as you move forward!

And now I'm moving forward.
Megs~

User avatar
Ronald559
Review

Few people were out and about doing their own business, those who were did not paying any attention or give a second glance to Christopher or Russell who were both wearing a finely tailoured suit and a long black trench coat over them.


Those who were did not paying? Or pay? Also this is a run on sentence. It should after doing their own business. Those who were paid no attention. (that might be easier on the read)
Also tailored not tailoured. Unless that's some fancy way to spell it.

I know you are trying to give us description on characters. Like this black character in the beginning. Is this the first time we are meeting him? There's an excessive amount of description surrounding that character. And the way he is described makes me wonder if the main character has a crush on him or something. It was distracting to me, because I was wondering its significance.

The dialogue at times feels a little synthetic. Like a sitcom. You could work on dialogue a bit so that it feels more realistic. I thought it would be appropriate to use english lingo. They are after all in London. Whatever is normal for todays times. It was an easy read which is a good thing, and I didn't get frustrated. You did a good job here, and I think a lot of people would enjoy the story itself.
The one big thing I noticed is your use of adverbs. When you find an adverb kill it, that's what Mark Twain would say. You have so many adverbs and that hurts you in the long run. This is because you could be using other words to achieve the effect of an adverb. Don't use adverbs that often. There should be like 1-3 per chapter at most.

Heya! I'm here for a review!

This chapter was honestly really good, so I had to get pretty nit-picky to find anything. I don't have any notes on plot or characters really, because both were done really well. So, I apologize that this review consists mostly of Typo type things. A quick note on the plot though. I was at first shocked that this wasn't about the main characters. But as I read on I saw that it saw a good addition to the story, that is needed. So good job on this, it's added a nice twist. :)

Spoiler
“This is the place,” announced agent Christopher Hart of the Ministry of Artifact recovery to his partner of almost twenty years, Russell Luther before walking up the steps to the front door of the brown stoned house which has probably seen better days.

Ok, so this sentence is pretty long. I'd suggest breaking into 2 sentences. Maybe something like this~
"This is the place," announced agent Christopher Hart of the Ministry of Artifact Recovery to his partner of almost twenty years, Russell Luther. He then walked up the steps to the front door of the brown stones house which had probably seen better days."

He was a tall and well built black man.

This is up to you, but I personally think "African American" would sound better than "black". That's just a personal preference though. :)

It was a cool and sunny day in London today with not a cloud in the sky.

I don't *think* "today" is needed. I'm not sure though.

Few people were out and about doing their own business, those who were did not paying any attention or give a second glance to Christopher or Russell who were both wearing a finely tailoured suit and a long black trench coat over them.

I think for this to flow right "paying" would need to be "pay"

“but for the past month, he has been acting....weird and unlike himself.”

An ellipsis only needs three dots ("...")

The door knob began to glow before the sound of the lock unlocking could be heard.

It may just be me, but I think "lock unlocking" sounds a bit odd. Maybe "lock clicking" or something would should better, but I'm honestly not sure.

What happened here, said Christopher to himself.

"What happened here" should be in italics or inside quotation marks. :)

I noticed that sometimes there was a space between "Mr." And "Fletcherly" and other times there wasn't. I'm honestly not sure which was its supposed to be though...


Overall, this chapter was really good and I'm sorry that this review consisted mostly of nit-picky type things.

Have A Great Day!

~Myth

Thanks for the review. Wasn't expecting it to come out this fast. I'll get to fixing those problems right away. Thanks again!



someone hide fried pickles in my tree
— Iggy