Young Writers Society

Hi WaywardxWanderer.

I am completely entranced by this piece, the title of which having initially intrigued me because I too admire the stars. I am not used to reviewing poems but I will give this my best shot.

"i have been asleep for so very long."
The idea of the narrator being "asleep for so very long" seems to refer to a passive existence. Merely surviving, not thriving. I interpret this line as the narrator standing still and watching the world around them unfold. This line is very powerful because I think many of us have felt this way at one point or another, myself included.

"and stars leech their melancholy tune into my bones."
This line is my favorite and really intrigues me because I have always considered the moon as the most melancholic of celestial bodies, not the stars. This give me a new perspective on the stars for how they are seen clustered together from our view but in actuality they burn far from each other and may feel lonely as a result. In this line, the narrator seems to compare themselves to the stars in that they too live in the darkness of night even during the day. The narrator can both relate to the stars in this way and maybe find comfort in that similarity too. Sometimes knowing we aren't the only ones struggling internally can be a comfort. We all carry scars from our past experiences and may feel broken as a result but knowing we aren't alone in that feeling is huge. I find immense encouragement in this poem.

I really enjoyed this poem, you words are beautiful, provocative and ethereal, just like the stars. Your poem has an obscure tone in how few words there are, yet speaks volume to the human condition.

Thank you for sharing!

- Poetry Misfit

Wow.

This is phenomenal. Your imagery is so simplistic, but you really hit home with some great phrases that just capture a very specific, clear picture. I kind of just want to go line by line with you because I think each line has it's own voice.

i have been asleep for so very long

so long that night circles about my head

even in the day

and the stars leech their melancholy tune into my bones

i cradle this brokenness so gently,

terrified that something will make it whole

You're poem says so much and carries a lot of weight with so few words. Its very well written, and I love the line "stars leech their melancholy tune into my bones". I cant help but feel like I can relate to the poem.

Overall Its a great poem.

hello, this is such a sweet little poem you have here. It says a lot in only six lines.
I realize, that sometimes shorter is better however I do think that here you could do a bit of expanding even adding just a few more lines, a bit more explanation, and description.
The title of your poem is what first drew me in a and I could spend way too long just trying to analyze that. I think this is something that @WrenZorya would like to read.
I absolutely adore your last two lines. "I cradle this brokenness so gently, terrified that something will make it whole" Its so powerful, so quick to get its point across and just as quickly it ends leaving you a little shell shocked with a lot to think about.
Over all your poem is beautiful. Keep it up. Take what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

as always,
Wolf

Hi! Just dropping in for a bit of a review. So first of all, I think this poem is so lovely. I love your diction and the way you describe things. I can't necessarily name a favorite part of the poem because I genuinely think it's all very nice. I liked your last two lines. I think the implied meaning is the most interesting part of the poem. From how I read it (obviously please correct me if I'm wrong), you scared of feeling whole again out of fear that you'll break again. I thought that was very neat. Also the 4th line was such an interesting line. I love the way you described that scene. The diction in it really sets the tone for the end of the poem. Overall, I think you did an amazing job, and I can't wait to see other things from you!

-Avery

i have been asleep for so very long

so long that night circles about my head


I don't know what meaning you gave the poem, but I see a person who's had a long night's sleep after something traumatic happened to them. They haven't been able to sleep in days when they finally are able to get some sleep, they wake up feeling as though they've slept forever.



even in the day

and stars leech their melancholy tune into my bones

i cradle this brokenness so gently,

terrified that something will make it whole


They don't want to think about the traumatic thing that happened to them. They get flashbacks and try to suppress their own memories.

Overall: Good job!

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!

I really loved this poem. First of all, your description of the work is so relatable. I too have written several poems in my notes app ^-^ I also think the slow rhythm of the poem almost felt like a lullaby, and it was comforting in a slightly sad but deep way. It felt like being submerged in water in the nighttime and watching light blur. Really nice work!

One thing I loved about this was just how simple but still so deep it was. In just six lines, you've managed to convey this really special feeling. I think your take on brokenness was super unique; what stood out to me the most was the last line. That powerful word "terrified" combined with the fact that the narrator is terrified of wholeness in stars is just so beautiful and poetic and unique. It was something I'd never seen done before, and that subverting of expectations is one of the things I liked the most about this. Relishing in the melancholy of the stars is also a beautiful image, too. I just think the environment you created in this poem was super lovely.

In terms of your actual physical poetic elements, I really loved the assonance of bones and whole. It was almost like a slant rhyme, and it added some nice sound work to your poem. That bit of slight anadiplosis between the first and second lines was a nice bit of rhythm building. The one thing I would say is that in terms of flow, I thought the line "even in the day" was a bit short compared to the rest of your lines, and rather than serving as nice contrast in the poem, it just felt like it disrupted the flow.

Overall: nice work!! I loved the overall feel of the poem and the uniqueness you brought to the thoughts in the last lines. I hope to read more of your poetry on this site soon! Until next time!!

This was short,but it was nice to read.I liked it.I believe that this poem is about someone who is troubled and anxious,yet,they don’t want help,because their loneliness inspires their creativity.If they were to have help,they’d have no creativity.This is what our narrator fears.Losing their spark.Becoming so alone that even their thoughts couldn’t keep them company.Lovely poem.I hope you have a nice day/night.