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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This is seriously one of the best poems I have ever read.
You sound like a proffesional POET. Too bad there is nothing I actually dislike about this poem. Every thing is so true. The rhyming is so soothing and oh, You are talented.
I have the urge to read more work of yours.
Plus, You are ONLY 15.
Good work man' good work.
aw thank you! *blushes* It's funny cause I say the same sort of thing to everyone else lol
Here to review!
My name is Quest, and I will be reviewing this fine piece of poetry for you because you're in The Green Room (*Gasp*) and it's Review day (*Double Gasp*), so here I am reviewing for you! Exciting, I know! So let's get onto the review, then shall I? Yes, I shall, so here I will! Time to review!
Very nice! I like the deep feeling in this poem so far. Although, on a side note, when I first read it, I took it literally. I will care for thee eyes! Time to get some contacts!
This is especially true. I think I can relate to your poem, and I love poems that have that happen to me. Loving the intensity that you have in this right now. It is extremely nice.
Ohh, what happened? The rest of the poem was so good, until the end of this one. 'bye-bye' is a horrible thing to use in a deep and intense poem, even if it rhymes! It is unprofessional and it ruins the rest of it. Nooo, this poem was so good, but this part definitely pulled away from that.
Nonetheless, the last line was extremel nice. I like it all, except for that one line. I won't mention that one..
I do hope you learn and keep writing poetry like this. it is so good! I love it, love it, love it!
I hope this helped,
Quest
Hello, Kyla here to review you. I think it is really nice, I like it. I'm going to break into it and tell you my ideas. If I say something misleading, or I'm not properly understanding something please tell me. These aren't professional ideas, just how I see it.
I really like the first paragraph, but I think that after "Those who talk" it would've been better to end with a period. I also think there should've been one added at the end of "there at all".
In the second paragraph, again I think you should've added some periods. I think it is very nice though, very strong in a way it seems.
In the third paragraph, I think you should've added a comma after "know" and put "until" on the second line and not a comma after "these eyes". I would've also added another period. I would put these to know where you pause. I was a little bit confused with "These eyes are eyes that smile and do not feel, are the ones that feel the most".
In the fourth paragraph, I really like it I think the only thing you need to focus on is the periods.
In the 5th paragraph, I would've done "These eyes want nothing more than to be like you; To be "normal" and fit in with the group. These eys see to much, and express to little; To be wanted by people like you.
In the sixth paragraph, I would've put "These eys have no importance to you, they are nothing but a lonley spare tire. These eyes will be there when you shall lose, when all of your friends should expire."
Finally in the last paragraph, I would've done "So next time you notice these silent sad eyes, Appreciate what they go through. Next time when all of your joys goes bye-bye, These eyes might possible help you."
Like I mentioned before, I really did enjoy it. I hope that what I said helped. If you think differently and I am wrong please explain it to me so I understand.
I completely get where you're coming from and yes i need to change the punctuation with this poem haha. the line you were confused by, "These eyes are eyes that smile and do not feel, are the ones that feel the most", basically means 'the eyes' don't express their feelings and always smile like everything is fine, when really they are the ones that are feeling the most. hopefully that made that line more clearer
thanks for your review! xx
Sorry didn't see this comment. You are very welcome, and I hope my review helped! Keep writing!
I really enjoyed your poem, I completely relate to this feeling. I wouldn't change anything about it being that your poem really spoke to me personally. I'm not sure how this is constructive but I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed it. ~Spazzy
thank you i'm glad you can relate
one of the most important thing about creativity (writing, music, visual art, etc) is that the reader/listener/viewer can connect and understand or relate. so thank you! I'm glad you like it xx
This is a review.Hi therealme,let me begin by asking...is this a characteristics of the eye?i think you did a good job but i dnt quite feel the message you're trying to pass across...And do you mean "the eyes will only care for you,when you care for them" and not 'thee'?i would suggest you go over your poem again and adjust it..sorry i can't give you tips,poem isn't my thing..
the word 'thee' pretty much means the in this case the word 'them'. it was the only thing that rhymed so that's why i wrote it. but thank you for the review it is much appreciated xx