Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hey there, I'm June,
I'm delicate about reviewing poems about sensitive topics, so I'll start this off by saying if you ever need someone to talk to for anything, reach out to someone; I'm here and willing to help no matter the hour.
As far as the poem goes, the first stanza is relatively strong in comparison to the second one. I don't like the allegory of blood being tears crying on the floor because it's become a cliche, a morbid cliche, but nonetheless, I think you could find a better way to describe that with a different image. Maybe you want to drain all of the hatred, maybe you want to release what you can't love. I'm not endorsing the practice, but in writing, for the sake of it, it helps to present these issues in a new light with fresh images that haven't been used so much so that your audience feels a new compassion, one that is unique to you, on reading your work.
Best of luck,
June
Hello there!
A little sad... not in a bad way though
Very simplistic and expressive, I feel if it had been longer than it would have become sad in a bad way or tedious and boring but you nailed the legnth perfectly! BRAVO!
Normally I don't like these kinds of poems either but I found this one appealing. I really like how you compared life to a pencile sharpener. A common everyday object, but with a slight twist. Nice
Crap dude I really like this. It is very relatable. I also like the fact that it is sad, but it's also not over done with melodramatic-ness (I don't know if that's a word, but whatever
)
I love the simplicity of it, but I also like the way you were able to explain everything without going overboard.
Very good..... And also very sad... But goog
Woah great job here my favorite part was the,''This life is all I know'' because, how true that is with all of us! It looks like you put a lot of work into this! Anyways, great job!!!
Okie dokie, not normally a huge fan of these kinds of poems, however, with that being said, this is a bit better than most.
Flow/Rhythm
For the most part you had a pretty steady rhythm going there and it was pretty smooth, there was only one part that seemed a little choppy to me:
"Changing the outside
to look more like my soul."
It doesn't quite fit into there. (Almost like that annoying puzzle piece that looks like it will connect, but it's just a close fit) Anyways, I fond this line a little cliche anyways, and have heard it before. When you write poetry, you always want to bring something new to the table. I also found the blood rain nearing the cliche as well.
I do like the beginning, it starts out pretty strong, and the imagery is just enough. Enough for the reader to feel the point, but not enough to gross them out. Nice medium here. Anyways, good luck and keep writing!
~Kay
YEEY, I just had a fit!! You put it up!!
ANyway, like I said last night c; It's sooooo good, and I love it!
"“Do you have a sharpener?
My pencil’s very blunt.”
“Sorry I took the blade away
and covered it in blood.”"
I love how you started with the speech marks showing their talking. This is a really sad poem, but I love it. I love all the emotion and feelings put into this piece.
I like the part where you write,
"All the things I’ve said and done
are written on my arms.
Scarlett stains to hide the pain.
Memories into scars."
This is so well put, its such a great way. "Scarlett" I love the way you've described the color so well.
Over all, this is written beautifully and I really loved it. You did a great job on this, well done! Keep it up
~Winter
Hello therealme and a belated welcome to YWS!
Generally, I'm not terribly impressed by cutting poems, as they tend to fall into the same cliches. That said, I rather liked this. I especially enjoyed how you took the usually useful and harmless pencil sharpener and used it for a darker purpose. You also pulled off the rhyming pretty well.
That said, I'm not so crazy about this part:
I've seen the tears analogy a lot in poems like this, so it seems boring. The idea of the outside looking like the soul could be expanded on, but just stating it falls flat.
Scarlet has only one t. This also touches on cliches (hiding the pain, fancy synonyms for red), but I think it's worded nicely. I don't think there should be a period in the first line, perhaps a comma or semi-colon.
Overall, this was an interesting take on a commonly used topic. Great job and keep writing!
this is fantastic writing but im sad you think this way your a great writer and the world needs more writers like you have a great day
This is beautiful and sad. Please don't think things like that, because the world still needs writers like you.
Your rhyming was flawless. Gorgeous wording. It's difficult to make poems like this rhyme but you definitely hit the nail on the head with that one. Your title is also very good because it's intriguing, and the way you began with the pencil sharpener and ended with the pencil sharpener was a good choice because it gave the poem definite closure and a clear ending point.
Well written! Great job!
Hello There......
It has great figurative language and meaning. Good work!!
Love the story and it has a awesome plot twist.....I should say.
I love it! The concept of the story is sad, but not too sad, matter offect, but not too much, a perfect balance. Comas , capitalization, Maby making it smaller would improve it, but those are easily fixable. If you don't mind my asking, out of curiosity, is this a true story? It's always nice to know inspiration behind a piece.But anyway, good job, keep on writing! At this rate, you will go far!
Yeah it is a true story. But I've broken through that faze and I'm coping better now.
Hello, this is a review!
So, I do think that this is quite brilliant! I love how you succeeded into turning this a bit emo, but did not turn it TOO emo. I love that! I love how you rhymed it and made the perfect rhythm. I think you should edit some parts though, like for example, some of your capitalization. It was okay, but maybe you should just buff up the rough edges. I also think you should cut this into smaller pieces, but it's fine the way it is. I think you should add some more commas. Anyway, great work! Keep writing!
GrapeNerd
Thank you