Focus

Such a good flow,
Loved the pattern, the rhythm! And your poem is so relevant as well, which makes it a huge plus. Can't find any mistakes, you've formatted it quite nicely. You have correct grammar, punctuation. Your poem is short and sweet. Wow, it's really great. Keep writing! Loved it!

I just finished reviewing another one of your poems and I'm just amazed with this one as the other one. as I said before, I'm definetly down on my knees begging you to keep writing!

On the third line, I think you are missing a word. The poem sounds kind of awkward and forced without it, but adding the word makes it flow smoother than honey.

"Why is the word focus
so easy to say
yet so hard to accomplish"

I agree with the simple theme of this poem, that focus is hard to achieve. Concentration is a similar theme that could be added into this poem very easily if you were to extend it any farther. I believe you should extend it, because even though this poem is awesome, it is harder to get into the feeling that it takes time and hard work to stay focused. If you want to send a clearer image, I strongly suggest making this poem longer.

The second half of this poem really helped me understand where you are coming from. Some things are just so boring that you have to zone out every once and a while. And of course, daydreaming is so much fun!

Sorry that I don’t have enough time for anything more right now, but my head has started pounding and my stomach is telling me it’s time to eat! Hope to review your work again soon!
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21

Hello, therealme...

Wonder who is here with review? Animal....

Focus...Wow, what a topic, I really love it. A short poem and indeed very clearly written.

Why is the word focus
so easy to say
yet so hard accomplish
and so hard to stay?

hi there, therealme! Welcome to YWS! It's nice to have you!

This is quite a short poem, but there's a lot to say about it. I like that you tried to write a poem about focus, and how it doesn't come easily.

I think that you should expand on these ideas with images, though. As it is, There is nothing (except the last two lines) that suggest any imagery at all. If you hadn't rhymed, I could have easily seen this written in an essay or other prose. The rhyme is the only thing separating it from being broken up prose, really.

What I want to see more of is images. Compare focus to different things, or even compare not focusing to different things. I think it would be wonderful and highly ironic if you zoomed off on tangents because you were describing things. That way, you could illustrate focus by not quite focusing. It would be a lovely, whimsical thing to do.

Use simile and metaphor to create these images. At the end, I just wanted you to keep going. And let thoughts drift away like what? Like petals on a still lake? Like a balloon at a circus? Pick an appropriate metaphor and compare. Compare, compare, compare. That's what poetry is about, really.

I can't wait to see this poem when it's more polished. You've got the ideas. Now start adding flesh to the skeleton. I hope this review was helpful. Welcome again to YWS!