Young Writers Society

This was a lovely poem! I liked the use of boldface print to emphasize certain words. Was this intended to be read like a slam poem? Because that's how I read it. You took a very dark subject and turned it into a beautiful poem, so I commend you on that. Now for my critiques.

I didn't feel the last stanza of the poem was necessary. It seemed weaker than all the other stanzas and seemed kind of redundant. If I were you, I would delete that stanza or rework it so it matches up with the rest of the poem. Also, with this line,

"Shock, fear, guilt, judgment; they rotted my insides"

I don't think the word "they" is necessary. I think the line reads better with the rest of the piece if that word is taken out.

Other than my few nitpicks, I think this is a great poem. Keep up the good work! Happy review day!

I like how personal this is. You know very well what you are talking about here and it shows. I agree with pandabear7 that the poem being free-verse is a good choice. It gives a poem like this room to breath and really flourish so you can feel what the author is feeling and trying to convey. I also like how you end it. It parallels the rest of the poem, and ties up the whole poem with a nice big bow. Well done!

I know what this means i'm still saying i'm fine though... XD I can't help it though I just don't want people to have to listen to my stupid problems and my burdens...it isn't right

Hello, pandabear7 here for a review.
First of all, one word: SAD!
I don't see any grammar issues so that is good. *Thumbs up.*
I love that it is a free verse, personally I suck at these.
I'd really like to see a little more poetry thingy's lol, like personifications, imagery, hyperbole... etc, etc, etc. but above all it is a good poem.

7.23/10!

-Panda

Hey therealme! I'm a little rusty, but shall give this review a shot, okay?

First and foremost, I applaud you for writing a pretty decent free-verse poem....which is easier said than done. It takes a lot of understanding of rhythm and metre, which you've grappled with pretty well here, although your imagery is a little lacking creatively. You start off well and pull yourself out into the light a couple of times, but repeatedly slink back into the shadows of age-old cliches. Lines like "But I was sick. I was a freak. I was insane. I was weak." have plenty of impact and ooze with potential, but they are crammed between redundant ideas that have been regurgitated a thousand times over. I think you've got a lot of potential here, and it's just a matter of escaping what's been done before and finding your own way to express your idea. I can see a glimmer of hope in this; it's a diamond in the rough, no doubt.

I tend to be a little harsh on poetry, particularly when it comes to originality. This really does have a lot of potential, and I think that if you keep toying with this, you'll have a great poem on your hands.

Hope this helps. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx