Young Writers Society

This poem is an honest and fittingly unpolished, but with myriad blemishes, distracting from the beauty so crudely crafted. To begin describing those scratches:
This poem is very long, and not very illuminating. It is fine to be deliberately obfuscating, but much shorter poems than this have done a better job highlining a complex issue in more striking ways This poem is about a loving friendship turned relationship that turned sour, a beautiful apple you bit into, which, through some mysterious magic, turned rotten as you ate with relish, forcing you to throw it away. I am forced to conclude it must have been "magic" because you simply mentioned he was "toxic" but without explaining exactly why...unless I missed the part where an evil wizard cast a spell on him.
I need to understand what, exactly, happened to the relationship to empathize with you in the relationship- ideally, you shouldn't merely READ a poem as I did here, you should FEEL it-but I DO feel like I learned something about your life in the reading of this poem, and I do wish I could read more and learn more. You are an intriguing subject lol

<3

Hi, LUNARGIRL here with a review!
First off, great job! I really liked the way it flowed throughout the poem and how you separate stanzas by each year you got older. By doing it that way you could really see the change the occurred as things change. You did a great job on describing the change when your best friend moves away. Even tho you still see each other, just not as often as you used to, things change. You drift apart little by little as you grow up, but then you become close friends again and you realize how much the person has changed. You did a really good job writing this, and I have no critiques to give. Can't wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. This might be a little shaky but I will do my best.
First of all, nice job! I liked how it rhymed, but at the same time it was serious. I haven't met people who can do that in poetry. I don't have any critiques. This was great! I feel like this is what it is like to be friends with someone through your whole childhood, have them move away, and get bullied by other people and not have them there for you. Then they kind of are jerks and forget about you. Well anyways great job! I hope you had a merry Christmas, a happy New Year and that you keep writing and have a great day!


Sincerely,


hkoetje10 (otherwise known as Hannah)