i remember
when we were seven
we sat on your front porch
eating watermelon
~~~
and then we were eight
we went to the same school
like we had the year before
you and i, we never broke the rules
~~~
when we were nine
you moved
i was devastated
but from my life you were not removed
~~~
i was ten
and for the first time i was bullied
but you weren’t there to protect me
at least not fully
~~~
we turned eleven, then twelve
i admit we weren’t as close
people thought it was weird we were friends
you know how it goes
~~~
the years passed by
far too quick
i had never noticed until now
and then it all clicked
~~~
things changed in our teens
like they always do
you grew into this handsome young man
to my old thoughts i bid adieu
~~~
then it happened
over a year ago
you treated this girl different
and her eyes, with deceit they glowed
~~~
i wanted to protect you
from her hurtful lies
because you couldn’t see it
from your innocent eyes
~~~
i didn’t realize it then
but what everyone saw
i had a huge crush
but i wouldn’t admit it, it felt against the law
~~~
six months pass by
and it was new year’s eve
my friends and your friends whisper
then they began to tease
~~~
i finally realized what happened weeks later
while in my friends bedroom
she said it was obvious
those walls felt like my tomb
~~~
and so we were secluded
it felt like years on end
but you took the edge off
more time talking you, i started to spend
~~~
then the day came
i finally got to see you
we flirted without stop
i couldn’t believe it was true
~~~
butterflies filled my stomach
as we drove to church
all i wanted to do was see you
i entered and for you i search
~~~
everything went downhill
when i left for merely a few minutes
i’m so sorry this happened
my friends are such idiots
~~~
and then we were dating
i was happy
at least for a while
you were never super chatty
~~~
i cried every day
for months on end
they told me it was toxic
from foe to friend
~~~
so you say you’re not ready
i guess that’s fine
but i cried for days
i wanted you to be mine
~~~
after it was over
i heard some new rumors
turns out you broke my trust
i felt like such a loser
~~~
and that’s how i fell in love
with my childhood best friend
i know your words are filled with lies
i’m glad i’m no longer your girlfriend
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
This poem is an honest and fittingly unpolished, but with myriad blemishes, distracting from the beauty so crudely crafted. To begin describing those scratches:
lol
This poem is very long, and not very illuminating. It is fine to be deliberately obfuscating, but much shorter poems than this have done a better job highlining a complex issue in more striking ways This poem is about a loving friendship turned relationship that turned sour, a beautiful apple you bit into, which, through some mysterious magic, turned rotten as you ate with relish, forcing you to throw it away. I am forced to conclude it must have been "magic" because you simply mentioned he was "toxic" but without explaining exactly why...unless I missed the part where an evil wizard cast a spell on him.
I need to understand what, exactly, happened to the relationship to empathize with you in the relationship- ideally, you shouldn't merely READ a poem as I did here, you should FEEL it-but I DO feel like I learned something about your life in the reading of this poem, and I do wish I could read more and learn more. You are an intriguing subject
thanks for the review! i%u2019m glad you felt you learned something. honestly, it felt like a wizard put a spell on him. but i can understand what you%u2019re saying! i will use you%u2019re advice in the future. i%u2019m glad you enjoyed it and found my story intriguing.
<3
<333
Hi, LUNARGIRL here with a review!
First off, great job! I really liked the way it flowed throughout the poem and how you separate stanzas by each year you got older. By doing it that way you could really see the change the occurred as things change. You did a great job on describing the change when your best friend moves away. Even tho you still see each other, just not as often as you used to, things change. You drift apart little by little as you grow up, but then you become close friends again and you realize how much the person has changed. You did a really good job writing this, and I have no critiques to give. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
thanks so much!!! you got the story right. he was my childhood best friend
Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. This might be a little shaky but I will do my best.
First of all, nice job! I liked how it rhymed, but at the same time it was serious. I haven't met people who can do that in poetry. I don't have any critiques. This was great! I feel like this is what it is like to be friends with someone through your whole childhood, have them move away, and get bullied by other people and not have them there for you. Then they kind of are jerks and forget about you. Well anyways great job! I hope you had a merry Christmas, a happy New Year and that you keep writing and have a great day!
Sincerely,
hkoetje10 (otherwise known as Hannah)
thanks for the review! you have it right, i wrote this about my childhood best friend who moved away and switched schools. he and i grew apart for a while but we got close again and dated for a while. i was writing this from my perspective while i watched him change. i%u2019m glad you enjoyed it!!!