Young Writers Society

hello lillianna i bet you weren't expecting to see me here HUH

well thankfully i'll be out of your hair in no time, i just wanted to give you my general impressions of your lovely poem.

first of all, i can tell this is something close to you, so it would be unfair of me to critique it based on how much i as a reader could relate to it. you manage to share your sentiments well, regardless.

while the flow of the poem as a whole is generally well received, trying to read it out loud may give you a little more insight on areas you could improve. in addition to that, i enjoyed the rhyme scheme chose. it went well and you managed to keep it up throughout, which was very impressive. im not much for structured poetry but i do enjoy them when i am able to find a good one.

other than that, i liked the poem. i feel you were able to express yourself well and being that this is a sensitive subject for you, that isn't always the easiest thing to do. all in all, keep your head up, and keep on writing. practice makes perfect and you will only get better.

Hey lillianna,

Thanks so much for requesting a review! I'm excited to read your poem! Let's get started...

the feel of his worn out sweatshirt
surrounding me like a warm hug
he was never much of a flirt
his love clouded my judgement like a drug

but when he called me that name
that only he knew
his voice would slightly change
i thought his love was true

Hi lillianna!
I just wanted to say that I really love this poem. It carries so much emotion with it which is incredible. It also holds an evolution to it as the narrator spends the beginning and middle reflecting on the lost love and the pains of the loss, but by the end, she builds up the strength to move on and stop letting those heartbreaking memories affect her any longer. I also really like the structure of this poem. I like how it is organized into all 4 line stanzas, each line has a similar length, and it has a rhyme scheme of abab. I like this structure because I feel like it adds a rhythmic feel to the poem as you read it, and it sounds almost like a lullaby. I don't have any critiques, I just really love the poem as it felt like a sort of haunting love and it was written beautifully. Great job!

Hey lilliana,
This.
Is.
Beautiful.
lot's of love <3
- stellarjay

Chancing a review.

I loved your rhythm and rhyme scheme, the way you used 'abab' and changed rhymes with constitent rhythm fit. :> The poem has a powerful message, and if you had to go through this I'm sorry, but you are strong <3. The poem felt sad not vengeful, and truly hurt and betrayed, but it ended on a strong note which I appreciate. This poem is about love lost, which in itself is a strong sentiment, but the fact it's not a vengeful breakup song taylor swift style makes it even more impactful. You aren't just 'feeling things' your feeling the sorrow. You are past the denial and anger. You are ready to recover, but you aren't happy with how things went. It is moving and even though it's obviously sad for you, it makes me smile because it's so wholesomely and healthily phrased.

I don't see grammar problems, I like your use of punctuation it's fitting, it keeps the poem grounded. I don't see any misspellings, if there are any I'm sure someone else can find them. :> I loved your peice, keep writing.

Much Love,
Shadow

<33333333