z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

ashura: A World of Sword and Magic Chapter 5

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Back at Kor…

Keya and I were standing in line at the exchange table for at least 3 hours. We were tired and low on morale. Ever since the incident at the campsite, we just…want to pretend it was all a bad dream. My eyes were half-open, staring at the ground and going through the motion. I couldn’t stop thinking about their faces. The goblins that died and the mistakes we both made.

Back at the campsite, Keya and I were sitting in what use to be the goblin campsite we were tasked to wipe out. However, when we finished the job, we soon discovered that it wasn’t actually a campsite for a new goblin settlement, but I guess the human kingdoms didn’t like that. So, in my opinion, one of the kingdoms must’ve put up that poster for any adventurer dumb enough, optimistic enough, or just plain desperate-for-cash enough to take up the job. God, it was like Scorched Earth where soldiers would desolate an entire village that’s useful to the enemy, or the Conquistadors’ genocide of the Incans.

After the atrocity we had just committed, all we could do at the moment was grieve. Then the rain came. I felt the wet moisture of the drops slowly washing away the blood from my clothes. It only me want to cry some more.

“So…there really was no invasion, was there?” Keya grimaced, depressingly sitting on the floor with her arms around her legs.

I shook my head in response, addressing somberly, “No, there wasn’t, and we just killed innocent people…all because nobody wanted them here!”

“How do you know that?” she asked.

“Why else would they send adventurers to do the job? Must be because they didn’t want to get their hands dirty,” I countered rhetorically.

Keya looked away, avoiding eye contact as I stared at her. Then she remarked, “That explains so much! The Human Coalition and the United Goblin Principality have always been in a state of war! I just can’t someone would be capable of doing something so…monstrous!” I watched her sob, covering her faces to hide her tears.

You have no idea…

In the end, we gathered what was left of the settlers. It took us a long time to find all the pieces of those lacerated. We buried them all in the remains of the camp, giving them a proper burial and praying that they would have a safe journey to the afterlife. 20-minutes-later, we left heading back to Kor.

Back in town, the line began to move until we at the front. The receptionist was a young human man with short brown hair and a slender frame. I gave him our name and he flashed a sly grin.

He said amusingly, “So, you managed to kill all those goblins in a day! Serves those green bastards right! Thankfully, there are people who can get the job done.”

The smug look on his face pissed me off. I sneered as he chuckled. I wanted to drive my fist into his mouth and knock all of his teeth out. Who am I kidding? I would just be no different than that asshole.

Letting out a deep sigh, I released my grip and glared at the receptionist.

“Just give me my 3 silver coins,” I demanded sternly.

He was taken aback, but complied. After he handed me the reward, Keya and I walked out of the guild house and headed straight out of town.

50-minutes-later, we stopped in the middle of the grasslands and set up a bonfire, gathering whatever was around us to make a makeshift camp for us to sleep under. Since we didn’t have enough money for an inn, camping was our only option. I should’ve mentioned that one room in an inn costs about 12 gold coins, which was completely outrageous.

Anyways, we managed to establish a camp. Despite the recent rain, the sticks we found were still dry, allowing us to light a fire for Keya and I to stay warm. We stared at the fire, watching its’ amber glow flicker before us.

“So, now what?” I inquired.

“I don’t know,” she said straightforwardly. She lowered her head somberly as she added, “I didn’t expect adventuring to be this grim. It’s not like how they portray in romance stories!”

True. You should never believe something you read in books because, in real life, you would be disappointed from experiencing it first hand.

“Well, I guess the only thing we can do is continue on our journey. Who knows? Maybe it won’t be so intense on our next quests,” I assured, trying my best to change the tensed atmosphere.

Keya lifted her head and smiled, nodding her head in agreement. Suddenly, we head a loud sound like bubbling water. We both groaned unbearably. It was getting dark and about time for dinner, meaning we needed to forage some food.

Turning back to Keya, I asked, “You want to go look for food, or should I?”

Keya replied blankly, “Let’s do it together.” We both stood up off the ground with Keya ordering, “I’ll go find some herbs and vegetables while you go look for some meat.”

After that, we headed into the forest; Keya going left and me going right. I stalked the forest for about 10 minutes, scouting around for any sign of an animal. Unfortunately, there were none present. Just then, a wild boar appeared out of the bushes, snorting while probably looking for truffles. I stood my ground, waiting for the opportunity to strike. The boar turned its’ back, giving me the perfect view. Even though it is wrong for a kendo student to strike an opponent from the back, but this was survival of the fittest and I need to eat.

I charged in, pulling out my sword and about to slash down. Seconds later, I was knocked against a tree. Everything was spinning. I didn’t know what hit me. After my vision became clear again, I saw that it was the boar that hit me like a bag of bricks. It even started shaking its’ rump at me in pride.

“Oh, shut it! Pig! You just got lucky!” I shouted with a comically angry expression. If this was an anime, my eyes would be white and my teeth would be sharp with a sneer.

This only made the pig gloat even more so, which started to piss me off. I stood up and regained my composure, holding my sword up as I charged at the boar again. However, when I swung my blade, it dodged and struck its’ tusks at my back, sending me flying and falling face first into the dirt. Cowardly move striking its opponent in the back.

I turned and huffed at the boar. The damn creature laughed at me. I started getting even madder than before. However, I took a deep breath and kept my anger under control. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time. I charged in again, holding the blade upside-down and swinging right at the boar. In its’ hubris, the creature thought it was victorious. However, this time, I was the victor. As I struck my blade, the boar tried to jump back, only to give m the perfect opening.

I sliced the pig’s stomach open, watching its’ blood spew outward. It fell on its’ back, wreathing in agony while bleeding to death. It finally stopped when its’ body turned cold and its eyes became lifeless.

Down on my knees, I prayed for the beast a safe journey to the afterlife. Despite it mocked me and humiliated me, the beast put up a good fight. It would be callous not to pray. I clapped twice, signaling my prayer’s end. I stood up and carried the board out of the forest. However, before I could proceed back to camp, I hung the boar by its’ legs on a tree branch, draining the blood so it would be easier to cook. My grandfather and I use to go hunting and he taught me how to prepare the animals we caught for cooking. Even though my parents disapproved of it, the skills seem to have come to great use right now.

“Oh, there you are!”

I turned and saw Keya, walking out of the forest with a smiling on her face and a hand full of roots and vegetables.

“I…s-see you’ve got your m-meat,” she cringed in disgust.

Her face contorted while it turned a little green from seeing the dead boar carcass.

“So, how are we going to cook these?!” she puzzled.

We didn’t have any pots or pans to cook our food. Luckily, I knew another trick my grandfather taught me. Under my instructions, we brought the food together around the bonfire where, using Keya’s dagger, we started cutting the vegetables and roots, piece-by-piece. Once we finished, I went into the forest and returned with a large flat stone I had found in the area.

“What are you going to do with that,” Keya asked.

I turned to her and smiled. I answered contentedly, “I’m going to use to cook, of course!” she just stared at me with a skeptical frown and a raised brow.

I placed the rock beside the fire, wedging it between the burning wood and waited as it started to hat up. I should’ve washed it, first, but I doubt we’ll get any sickness if the heat burns all the bacteria.

I proceeded to skin the boar, cutting off the unnecessary parts and removing the fur, and tusks. Then I removed the meat from its bones. It as a lot tougher than how granddad showed me, but I was able to get some of it off and onto the hot slab. Mixing in the meat juices with the vegetables, the aroma was heavenly and ambrosias.

“What do you think? Smells good, huh?” I inquired enthusiastically.

My eyes bulged in shock, seeing Keya passed out with her face turned green.

“What the hell?! You just passed out from smelling meat?!” I shouted in disbelief. I guess living off of a vegetarian diet would make the elves nauseous from tasting, or smelling, any food not made out of green.

The food was ready, and it was time to dig in. Keya recovered and regained her appetite. However, she sat about 12-feet-away from me, not wanting to go through the nausea again. I took a bite of the grilled boar and onions, and sighed in ecstasy of how amazing they tasted.

Keya was also enjoying her meal, having been sent into a trance from just nibbling on her grilled carrots and radishes, which surprisingly resembled daikons.

Again, we didn’t have any plates, so we used small flat rocks with green leaves on top as a substitute. I’ll worry about dysentery later.

After we finished eating, Keya and I just stared at the fire, doing what we can to pass the time. I turned to notice Keya holding a piece of dead wood, using her dagger to carve away the rough edges. Arching an eyebrow, I scooted over to get a closer look. It wasn’t complete yet, but the shape of it appeared to be that of an animal. She blew away the shaving and placed it on her side, on the ground. It was a boar. Not just any boar, but the same boar I had killed.

“You can carve wood?” I pointed out inquisitively.

She brushed a strand of her hair to the side and grinned weakly. She replied, “Y-yes, I can. It’s been a hobby since I was a child. Father never approved of it, thinking it was just a waste of time, but…I never could stop loving it.”

I picked the wooden figurine up and admired its’ precise detail. Just looking at it made me forget everything that has happened, almost like there was some magic in it. Not that there was, that is.

I said wholeheartedly, “I think it’s beautiful.”

She blushed and looked away.

“Tell me. Why did you carve the boar though?” I asked with a puzzled expression. I held the statue close to my face. She even got the scars and wounds I inflicted right down accurately.

Then her face fell into a frown. Making eye contact, she explained, “I wanted to immortalize the creature. It was a mother with children of its’ own, but now that since the mother is dead, the piglets will probably die.”

“How do you know it’s a mother?”

She analyzed, “You can tell from the way her nipple were erect, indicating that it was suckling its young, and the way its’ coat was distorted from childbirth. Don’t worry. I’m the younglings are old enough to fend for themselves.” The way she spoke was cold and sorrowful. This was not the Keya from before, which scared me a little.

Then again, the way she said all of it made me feel bad for killing the boar, even though it was a boastful jerk.

She clasped her hands and regained her smile, saying, “Now then! What shall we do for the rest of the evening?!”

Glad to see the old Keya back!

I drew my sword, noticing the blood stains on the blade. It’s not because I forgot to clean it. It’s just because I didn’t have anything to clean it with, which I should’ve done back at the village.

“Hey, Keya. Do you have anything to clean a sword?” I asked.

Keya raised her eyebrows as she stared at me.

She answered, “Actually, I do.” She reached into her rucksack and pulled out a rag and a bota bag. Then she gingerly handed them to me.

“This bag is filled with water. Use it with the rag to wash the blade off, but make sure you dry it well. If not, the blade will rust,” she instructed conversantly.

I took the rag and bag and smiled, thanking Keya for her assistance. I said reassuringly, “Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to clean the rag and give it back to you.”

She grinned, stating in a mild manner, “That’s alright. You can return it any time you want.” She waved her hand nonchalant as her cheeks turned red.

Opening the cap, I poured the water onto the blade, washing some of the blood off before I stopped. After putting the bota bag down, I grabbed the rag and began whipping it against the wet steel. The blade was clean. I could see my reflection on the surface. Just then, I noticed a 3 in crack in the middle. Oh boy. This is not good.

“Hey Keya. You’ve been in the area long enough. Do you know if there are any blacksmiths around?” I asked clueless.

She rubbed her chin in deep thought, raising her brows while trying to remember. She replied uncertainly, “I’m not sure. Maybe the status’s map might give us a location.”

I checked the map. I was relieved to find a town 13 feet north of our location. It was called “Strongfair” and, according to the map’s database, it’s a forgetown, meaning that it’s a town of metalsmiths.

“Well, I guess that settles it then.” Standing up, I stretched and put my sword back in my belt. “Starting tomorrow, we’ll head to Strongfair and, along with getting my sword fix, we’ll see what else we can find there.”

Keya arched an eyebrow and retorted, “That long of a journey? Just to fix a minor crack in your sword?”

When she said it, it did sound a little stupid. I rubbed the back of my neck, flashing a nervous grin while letting out a soft chuckle. I commented light-heartedly, “Yeah…I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just thought we could find something to do to and maybe find some adventure there, instead of staying around this campfire and do nothing, or wander around until something comes towards us.”

Shaking her head, she grinned and agreed blithely, “Alright! You convinced me! We can go to Strongfair! With the 3 silver coins we earned from our last quest, we might not only be able to afford repairs, but also might find something useful to purchase.”

Once that was all settled, we waited for the fire to die down. Only a small ember was left as we lied on the moist grass, staring at the stars in the sky as we drifted into deep slumber.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
65 Reviews


Points: 11426
Reviews: 65

Donate
Sun Jan 29, 2017 10:17 pm
occymay wrote a review...



Hello again!

I don't think this chapter was as compelling as the previous one I reviewed and I'll try to explain why in my review. I also noticed I got this story mixed up with your last human series, oops!

Positives-
It was nice to see a bit more of the character's behaviour as I didn't get much of that in the previous chapter as it was more action based. We especially got to understand a bit more about Keya which is good because it was more difficult to understand her character as she isn't the narrator of the story. I though the fight between the boar was good though again it could be better with the idea of show and don't tell from my previous review. I felt that the dialogue was a lot better in this chapter, it felt a lot more real.

Improvements-
One of the reasons I felt this chapter was wasn't as compelling is that it lacked energy and flow. I felt like there were a lot of unnecessary moments like the cooking of the boar and preparing the campfire. It just takes away from the story. It felt like nothing happened in this chapter, the biggest thing was him killing the boar and that was over pretty quickly. I think it would be a good idea to take away some sections and add moments of interest or tension. It will keep the reader turning the next page. This also had a few grammatical/ spelling mistakes but I'm sure a reread will help clear that up :)

I will keep reading these when I get the chance as I really like how this story is going. Keep writing ^_^




User avatar
802 Reviews


Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Donate
Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:00 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey, kman134! Happy Review Day. I'll try and help you get these chapters out of the Green Room, and give some helpful advice while I'm at it. :) I review by typing my thoughts as I read, not afterwards.

3-hours-later, back at Kor…

Keya and I were standing in line at the exchange table. We were tired and low on morale. Ever since the incident at the campsite, we just…want to pretend it was all a bad dream. My eyes were half-open, staring at the ground and going through the motion. I couldn’t stop thinking about their faces. The goblins that died and the mistakes we both made.

I'll start by just giving some nitpicky advice. It's perfectly fine to say 3 hours later, but if you wanted to immerse the reader into the story better, you could intertwine this into the actual story. Say something like 'Keya and I had been waiting in this tedious line for what felt like years. Or, Keya and I had been standing for line for at least three hours.

So, in my opinion, one of the kingdoms must’ve put up that poster for any adventurer dumb enough, optimistic enough, or just plain desperate-for-cash enough to take up the job
I love these phrases you've created, especially 'desperate-for-cash enough'. They really add to his own unique voice and personality.

Why else would they send adventurer’s to do the job?
Adventurers* Since they don't own anything, you don't need that bit of extra punctuation.

Then she remarked in realization, “That explains so much!
You include adverbs after a lot of dialogue tags. You don't actually need to. It just draws out the sentence and distracts me from what they're actually saying. You write your characters' voices well enough that I can tell their tone just from what they're saying. For example, in the above text, when Keya says 'That explains so much!' I can tell that she's just realized something without the adverb.

Cowardly move striking its’ opponent in the back.
Its' doesn't need that punctuation. It's a tricky one to explain, but its alone means that 'it' owns something. It's means 'it is' and 'its' is ownership.

Down on my knees, I prayed for the beast a safe journey to the afterlife.
Something which stands out to me in this chapter is how well thought-out your characters are. They each have their own customs and habits, such as your main character praying for his slaughtered beast, and Keya carving the boar later on. You did a really great job with them.

Your chapter ended with a good conclusion, one journey over and another soon to begin. Overall, I enjoyed your story and you have a good plot coming along. The one thing I would urge you to change is all the adverbs after your dialogue tag. They just distract me and aren't necessary, your well-written speech explains their emotions by itself. :D




Image





You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer