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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Ashura: A World of Sword and Magic Chapter 6

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The morning arose as the sun's golden glow illuminated across the landscapes. The buzzing sound of the cicadas echoed throughout the forest. Walking across the cobblestoned road, heading north, was Keya and Akio as they headed upward to Strongfair. They had walked a mile away from their campsite and didn't stop to enjoy the scenery.

Stretching his arms before hearing them crack, Akio turned to Keya and asked, "So, are we any closer to the town?"

"Indeed, we are. We're about an hour away from reaching Strongfair," She informed gladly, checking the map setting before turning back to me.

That's a relief! I thought we were going to be walking forever. However, I can't help shaking the feeling we were being watched.

Observing from a distance, Leni carefully leaped from branch to branch, making sure not to be discovered by her targets. She thought: It's been four days since I've been sent to spy on those two, but it'll all be over when I've got enough information to prove that this "Akio" boy is the hero summoned to this world! After the ordeal that happened at that Goblin Campsite—Creator rests their souls—and the boar fight that happened yesterday, I still don't have enough evidence to support it. Gods! When is something else going to happen, so I can go home?! She groaned in frustration as she started losing little patience.

Snapping out of her train of thought, Leni panicked, noticing how much she had lost track as the two were now far from where she was. She quickly dashed to catch up.

Shit! I trailed off again! The Representatives will have my head if I lose sight of the hero!

Meanwhile, Keya and Akio had finally arrived at Strongfair's entrance and compared to the previous places they were at, the town was much different.

"Umm…is this the right place," Akio asked in bewilderment. Keya felt the same, having a similar astonished expression on her face.

A giant wall made out of steel surrounded the town with the only access inside was a giant double door made of strong oak. Lucky for the two, the door was opened all the way, allowing them to see the entire interior. As a forge town, Strongfair lived up to its' name.

Looking at the map, Keya cringed in intimidation as she replied, "Yes, this is the place."

They took a minute to take it all in. with a deep breath, Keya and Akio quickly sauntered in as they did not want to keep the people behind them waiting.

The two looked around and were amazed by the sight before them. On every corner were smith shops, selling various weapons and appliances, from swords to even forks and spoons. Keya and Akio were astonished by how many blacksmiths populated the town, watching them work as they forged outside of their shops in outdoor smithies.

"Look Akio! They even have elven smiths too!" Keya remarked, pointing at a shop to her left.

While they saw many human blacksmiths, they were amazed at smiths of other races as well.

"Hey, Keya. Are Elven smiths any good?" Akio asked with a curious expression. "There are stores with elven blacksmiths, but are they any better than other blacksmiths?"

Keya stopped and twirled in front of him. The elven girl looked insulted, glaring at her companion with piercing eyes. She placed both hands on her hips and puffed her cheeks. She reprimanded fumingly, "How dare you! Our blacksmiths are the most talented of the elvish race! It is an insult to say that anything they've crafted is less than befitting!" she was unaware of the attention she was drawing from her outburst.

Akio backed away in shock. It was the first time seeing Keya so angry compared to her sunny disposition. He smiled and raised his hands nonthreateningly. He whispered in an apologetic tone, "Calm down! I didn't mean anything offensive! I was just asking!"

They heard chuckling from behind them. Keya and Akio turned their attention to a shop where two dwarves sat outside, smoking long wooden pipes while lounging in the sunlight.

They took a hit and blew rings of smoke as they exhaled. Keya glared, waiting for one of the dwarves to speak.

"If there is something you wish to say, then speak!?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

Tapping the bottom of the pipe to throw away the burned tobacco, the red-bearded dwarf spoke up. He said in an accent, "You say the elves are the best blacksmiths, lass, but you be mistaken."

"Ay! The best blacksmiths in the world are the dwarves for we make the strongest, sturdiest, and most durable weapons to ever exist," said the black-bearded dwarf with pride. "The only thing the elven smiths know what to do is carefully placing jewels on silverware and rings!"

Then the two burst in hysteria. Unbeknownst to them, Keya was about to lose her cool. She had been so insulted in her life. However, this was not an insult to her personal pride, but an insult to the elven people, and she just couldn't stand it when people besmirched her race.

Biting down on her teeth, Keya exploded in a maelstrom of fury and rage, spatting at the dwarves who seemed unfazed by her ranting, saying, "Listen here, you arrogant little knuckle-draggers! We elves have known the craft of metal before you lot burst out of the grown, and you have the gull to say…"

Luckily, Akio was quick to silence her, covering her mouth with his hand and restraining her as he moved back, trying his best to hold her still despite her body thrusting furiously.

He smiled meekly and bowed his head. He said in respect, "I'm terribly sorry for my friend's outburst! We've been walking all day and she's just tired! Please forgive her and we'll be on our way!" with that settled, Akio dragged Keya away, ignoring the looks they were receiving from that little incident.

30-minutes-later, Keya finally cooled down, albeit still looking a little earnest as she walked beside her friend with a scowl.

"Did you really have to yell a those two just because of a one little insult?" Akio questioned with an arched eyebrow.

Puffing her cheeks, Keya snapped her neck to the boy and countered while crossing her arms, "Yes! Yes, I did! As a noble lady of the elven race, I was taught to be proud of my heritage, no matter what other races say…especially what a bunch of dwarves have to say." The last part she said was low yet seethed with venom.

Akio was flabbergasted. This was a side of Keya he had never seen before. All Akio could think was: What does Keya have against the dwarves?

25-minutes-later, the two had walked into one of the smith shops. Albert's Repair Shop was what it was called. Keya and Akio proceeded inside and when they brought the Blade of Accord to the owner, he examined it with a pair of goggles with three lenses to adjust the view.

"Well, this is a very old sword!" the owner said in astonishment, carefully holding the blade up to his face. "I might be able to fix it…for the cost of 20 silver coins."

Keya and Akio's jaws immediately dropped to the floor upon hearing the price.

"We…we don't have that much money!" Akio exclaimed with bulging eyes.

"D-don't you h-have a cheaper price f-for repairs?!" inquired Keya, stuttering while droplets of sweat fell from her pretty face.

Scratching the stubbles of his chin, Albert leaned back from the counter against the wall and shrugged. He declared with a half-hearted apology, "I'm sorry, but that's the price for repairs in my shop, and even if you ask another store, it'll be the same. Nothing's cheap in Strongfair."

Sad and dejected, Keya and Akio were about to exit the shop with their heads staring at the floor. However, they halted their leave when the shopkeeper called them out.

"Although, there is one shop that has cheaper prices."

The two looked back, listening carefully with long grins filled with hope.

"There's a shop about three blocks away from here, up west, that's owned by an elderly dwarf and his granddaughter," he continued.

Keya's grin quickly dropped from hearing the word "Dwarf". Akio noticed it, but didn't bother to ask what was wrong. So, he turned and resumed listening.

"The old man's is really talented, able to make high-quality weapons with only the finest materials, yet it's a mystery where he get's them. I met the guy myself and he's a real queer fellow, always jolly and humble, and never being rude or miserly with the customers. Probably, the reason why they're at such a cheap price is because he's a nice guy and just makes enough to survive, or something like that.

His granddaughter, on the other hand, is a real spitfire. While she helps her grandfather around the house, she can be like a stubborn caretaker, working around the house while making sure her grandfather doesn't croak. She even haggles the customers with higher prices, making them spend more money on the items that don't even cost much."

She sounds like someone you don't want to mess with! Akio grimaced at the thought of such a girl. Keya, however, remained deadpanned.

"If you are going over there, make sure it's the shabby brown and red shack with the sign 'Faldrum's Smithy.' If you go pass that, you've gone too far."

Keya and Akio left the repair shop, thanking the shopkeeper for all his help and proceeded up west. It took them 15 minutes of passerby's bumping into them, but their faces lit up when they saw the red and brown shack in front of them. However, they were dumbfounded as there were three red and brown shacks standing up against each other.

"So, which one's the right shack?" Keya asked.

They examined the signs, thoroughly checking each one.

"Tyr…Goldemar…ah, here it is! Faldrum!" Akio shouted happily, having a wide smile on his face. He pointed the finger of his right hand at the house on the right and he and Keya strolled right onto the front door.

When they got a good look, they were baffled.

Akio remarked in a critical tone, "Is this really a shop? It looks like someone's house, instead."

Shrugging her shoulders, Keya mused, "Well, you never know. A dwarven house is known for being very deceitful to the eyes."

Walking up, Akio gingerly knocked on the door three times. There was no answer. So, he tried it again. This time, it was much harder than before. Suddenly, I loud scream was heard from above. The two looked upon and were surprised at the sight of someone falling right at them.

Smack! Akio couldn't see anything. His view was shrouded in darkness and the only thing present was the throbbing pain in the back of his head.

What the hell is this? Why is everything so dark and…what smells like lilies?!

"Akio, are you alright?! Say something?!"

He heard Keya's voice and was relieved that it was close by. He called for help. Unfortunately, there were no words, but a muffling sound. He struggled to breathe, unable to see or move. A soft, warm leathery and somewhat squishy pillow was pressed against the boy's face. It took Akio a moment to realize the logical reason behind this darkness…someone was sitting on his face.

Leaning back up from her almost nasty fall, a young dwarf girl with peach-colored skin, red hair, and emerald green eyes observed her surroundings while rubbing the back of her head. She was dressed in a brown leather bodice top that exposed her cleavage and midriff, tight leather shorts, ankle-high five-laced boots, and a pair of bronze gauntlets with black straps wrapped around her arms.

"Hmm…oh! My head!"

She was made aware at what she had crashed into when she looked down behind her. She gasped with her jaw dropping to the ground. Akio tried to say, "Get off me!" But the message fell to death's ear as the dwarf girl quickly got up and punched the boy right in the face, over and over. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, you freak?! Pervert?!" shouted the dwarf girl in anguish.

Keya just stood still, covering her eyes and cringing in fear while she did nothing, and allowed her friend to be pummeled. Akio attempted to speak up, hoping to reason with his assailant. Unfortunately, it fell on deaths ear as she lifted him up, pile-driving him right into the ground, despite her small size.

Akio's face was covered in bumps and bruises with a trickle of blood coming out of his nose.

"That's what you get for planting your face in my but, you sicko!"

"Akio!" shouted Keya. She was shocked and horrified, hovering over the boy's unconscious body. "That was a little too much, don't you think?!"

The dwarf girl clapped her hands to remove the dust. Turning her attention to Keya, she retorted, having a scowl and a hand to her hip, "Not at all. Had to teach the creep a lesson."

"B-but he's not a creep! We're just here looking for someone to repair Akio's broken sword!" Keya protested in anger.

Crouching down, she helped Akio up while providing him leverage to regain his equilibrium.

"Eh?"

The dwarf's face turned pale followed by a nervous gulp.

"Why I have the nerve to turn you over the authorities for reckless brutality!" Keya threatened with a glare.

Waving her hands, the dwarf girl attempted to calm the elf girl. She pleaded, "Woah! Woah! You don't have to go that far!"

She grabbed the boy's hand and shook it rapidly.

"It was just a mistake, you see! Also, I didn't properly introduce myself! My name is Grimhilda Faldrum, granddaughter of Torstein Faldrum, at your service! Sorry about what happen earlier, but it was a good thing it didn't get ugly!" she chuckled nervously at the end.

"Besides, I don't want to get in trouble with the law, again!" she added whisperingly.

"I have minor head trauma and you don't call that ugly?" Akio deadpanned in anger. His face had mysteriously returned to normal, yet he could still feel the pain throughout his body.

Letting go of his hand, Grimhilda strolled up to the door and opened it with the key in her pocket.

She called while gesturing a hand, "Come on in! We just started opening up shop!"

"At this late in the afternoon?" Akio pointed out.

Grimhilda chuckled while scratching her face. She explained, "Ay…my grandfather sleeps from 6AM to 1PM. So, it's hard to open up shop when the blacksmith is not working. Fortunately, it does give me time to spruce up the old place before we open."

Keya and Akio sauntered into the house, closing it behind them as Grimhilda guided them into the living room.

Sitting in a rocking chair, there was an elderly dwarf with a long gray beard taking a nap while he emitted a loud snore. Grimhilda groaned and walked up to the old dwarf. Placing her hands on his right arm, she carefully shook him awake.

"Grandpa! Wake up! We have costumers!" she said in a calm tone.

The old man ceased snoring and instantly opened his yes. He snapped his head rapidly in confusion. It took him awhile to collect his bearings before turning to his granddaughter, and then to Keya and Akio.

"Hilda, what time is it? We don't open shop until 1PM," he pointed out.

"It's one already, you old fart!" Grimhilda irate.

Having a shocked expression, Torstein quickly got up out of his chair, threw his blanket to the side, and gingerly waltzed out of the room.

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner, lass! We need to get everything read before the costumers leave!"

He started to panic. His motion was very slow, carefully not straining himself while having a hand on his back while stomping like there was no tomorrow. With each step, he shook the ground with such tremendous force. Keya, Akio, and Grimhilda had trouble keeping their balance.

Grimhilda dashed and grabbed her grandfather's arm, stopping him and flashed him a reassuring grin.

She confirmed, "Grandpa! The sign is already turned over, so they'll know that the store is open. But, what I mean to say is that we already have customers, already!"

Keya and Akio were bewildered by the two, having the same thought: These two can't possibly be related!

Torstein turned his attention to the two. He noticed the medallion around Keya's neck and gasped, bowing his head in respect as he greeted, "I'm sorry for wasting your time with my laziness! It is a pleasure to have such esteemed patrons within my humble establishment!"

Confused and surprised, Keya and Akio didn't know how to respond to the old man's comment. A droplet of sweat formed on Keya and Akio's heads as they were taken aback. Keya gestured her hands down calmingly and smiled, correcting in agitation, "No! No! You are mistaken! We aren't esteemed in any way! We're just here to repair my friend's sword and also browse!"

They' all sat in the living. Grimhilda and the old man made some tea for their guests, treating them with the best hospitality they could muster. Akio handed his sword to the old man and he examined it with caution.

"My…this is a very old sword. I'm surprised it's still in one piece!' commented Torstein.

"Does that mean you can fix it?" Akio asked straightforwardly.

The old man scowled at the boy, giving him an annoyed huff as he placed the sword on the table. Standing up, he shouted in hubris, "Of course, I can! I can fix anything with these old hands of mine!"

His granddaughter dragged him back down on the couch. Grimhilda pinched the bridge of her nose while shaking her head in irritation. Her grandfather caught up and flustered as he became embarrassed from making such a scene.

"H-however, it will cost you," he remarked.

"How much?" Keya questioned.

"1 silver coin."

The two were relieved at how cheap it was.

Tornstein added, "Unfortunately, it will take about a day to seal up the crack, which is lucky for you, young man! One more swing and this sword of yours would've shattered into pieces!"

Akio did not like the sound of that.

"In the mean time, we have some extra rooms. We've been talking so long it's already pass afternoon! So, you can stay here for the night until your sword is ready."

"What?!" Keya and Grimhilda shouted in unison.

"I don't want some…pervert sleep under the same roof as us, grandpa! I'd rather get captured by an ogre than let him sleep in the guest room, along with his elf bimbo!" Grimhilda protested, flustering as she pointed at the boy.

"I have a similar feeling when the thought of sleeping in a house filled with uncouth barbarians!" argued Keya. She had been offended by the dwarf's statement and couldn't help but retaliate.

Grimhilda sneered as she turned her attention to the elf girl.

"What did you say?!"

Standing up, Keya walked up to the dwarf girl, staring down at her with a glare.

"Oh, you heard me! I said I didn't want to sleep in a house filled with uncouth barbarians!"

The two then growled at each other, but not before Akio grabbed his friend and dragged her upstairs. He shouted, "Thank you for the room, good sir! Sorry for my friend! She's just having an off day! She didn't mean anything! We'll get settled in real quick while my friend cools off!"

"Be sure to go into the last room, on the right!" said the old man

"Thank you!"

Akio brought his friend into the guest room before throwing her onto the frill-covered bed and closing the door behind him. At that moment, he started banging his head against the door, but then stopped as he started receiving a headache.

"Akio?"

Keya cooled down. She was puzzled at her friend's action, but tensed when she saw Akio beaming at her. She didn't understand why he was angry but she was about to find out soon.

Trotting up to her, he yelled, "What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you say such a thing when that man just gave us a place to stay for the night?!"

"Me?! Didn't you just hear what that pint size girl said to us?! She called you a pervert and me a bimbo?!" Keya argued.

"Yeah, I heard, but I try to be the bigger person and turn the other cheek! That's another thing! What do you have against dwarves?! What have they done to you?!"

Keya took a deep breath and chuckled, planting a hand on her face, as she looked away form Akio. The boy began to feel uncomfortable by this. His anger then disappeared, becoming unnerved by Keya's gesture.

She looked up with somber eyes at the boy. Then she stated, "That's right, you have amnesia. So, you don't know the whole story then, I see."

She patted the other side of the bed, gesturing Akio to sit next to her. He complied. Once he sat down, she started telling him everything.

"For as long as my people can remember, the elves and the dwarves have been enemies. We elves feared, hated, and envied the dwarves, and I guess it's vice versa for the latter. Most times, we fought over certain things like land and resources. Other times, we just fought for no reason. We even told our children stories to scare them into behaving! It was the same with me, and my brothers and sisters."

Then silence fell upon the two. Neither one of them spoke, or continued to speak. Finally, Keya continued, "I'm sorry, Akio, for yelling at you and causing such a stir in the center of town, and even nearly starting a fight with Grimhilda. It's just…I was taught to hate the dwarves, but I never asked myself WHY I hated them."

She tensed up as she felt the boy's hand on her shoulder. She blushed and turned towards him, feeling warmth from seeing his understanding smile. He lectured sympathetically, "It's okay, Keya. I'm not angry at you anymore. After hearing all of that, I can see why you couldn't help but lash out at Hilda after what she said to us, but you shouldn't think the way your people think. Being proud of what you are is a good thing but having the same kind of pride as your people? That's not pride. That's arrogance. And that's not healthy. You need to throw away your people's views and create your own, and that way you can be your own person with your own ideas. Not a parrot repeating what she was taught. Who knows! Maybe Grimhilda and her grandfather are savages, or maybe they're nice folks. You never know until you try to get to know them."

Keya thought deeply about all Akio had just said and smiled. Standing back up, Akio reached his hand, wanting Keya to grab it. He said, "You ready to come back down stairs?"

She nodded, "Yes…I would like that." she gripped and lifted herself up.

"Oh, by the way…" Akio twirled and faced the elf girl while arching a brow. "What's a…parrot?"

Parrots do not exist in the world of Ashura. So, Keya would be confused by such an alien word.

"Umm…it's nothing! Just…something that popped into my head!" He lied.

"Come on! Let's not keep our hosts waiting!"

They waltzed out of the room and headed down stairs. The Faldrums had prepared dinner for all of them. Beef stew, it was, and it looked delicious. However, right before they could eat, Keya had passed out from the stench of boiled meat.

Meanwhile, back in the chambers of the Twelve…

A messenger walked into the circular stoned room, having a tight grip on his parcel as he became nervous.

"M-my lords and ladies. I-I have such dire news!" he said with a stutter.

Representative Kar scowled in annoyance, ordering, "Well, what is it?! Spit it out, good man!"

"The Dark Lord's forces are advancing from the southeast of the continent! They've desolated five towns and are continuing to the nearest one!"

This was very stressful to the council as they began murmuring loudly amongst themselves. Some even breaking down in distraught and terror.

"Oh no! We're doomed! The dark Lord's forces are already making their move!"

"Wait…Isn't the Halfling Leni positioned in the southeast?" said one of the representatives.

Shrugging his shoulders, another representative replied, "Oh well, I guess we'll have to send in another on. Those vermin breed faster, so they're expendable."

"But, isn't the summoned hero somewhere in that area, also?"

A moment later, it became quiet. Then one of the representatives responded.

"…Oh, damn it."

Somewhere in the southeast…

There lied a village. It was burning and was completely in ruins. Bodies littered the streets. Men, women, and children…all of them were dead. Except for only one. She crawled, dragging her mangled body across the dirt road.

"Have to…get help…" she kept telling herself. She was so close to the entranceway. So close to escape from what befell her poor village. However, it was all in vain as she gasped in unbearable pain as a sharp spear pierced right through her back and into her heart.

Gripping the spear was an arm without skin or muscle with the rest of the body having decayed for years. Its' eyes glowed ominous green while its' dried and withered hair blew in the wind. Pulling the spear out of the dead girl's back, the undead soldier continued its patrol around the village, searching for any more survivors, and it wasn't alone. More undead soldiers wandered throughout, dragging each body outside of town and piling them up, one by one, and setting fire to all of the buildings.

"Is that all of them?"

The soldiers turned and trembled

Standing before their presence was a tall, robust knight with withered blonde hair, black eyes, and inhumanly gray skin with a hole on each side of his mouth. He was dressed in beaten and worn out knight's armor with a tattered plaid scarf around his neck and steel chains around his chest plate to hold it all together, two skull-shaped shoulder blades, and chain mailed trousers with steel boots, and leather straps around his legs and waist. On his back was a long cross-shaped spear with a shield made of bones keeping it in from falling off.

The knight looked and flared his nostrils, satisfied at the carnage that had taken place. He turned to the soldiers as he stared down at them from his tremendous height. Then he turned to pile of corpses.

"Is that all of them?" he asked, turning back to his men with a glowered expression.

"Yes, my commander. Every carcass in the village as been gathered and accounted for," one of the soldiers answered in an eerie tone.

The knight sauntered over to one of the piles, lifting the hand of one of the bodies and made sure they were still intact. He says exuberantly, turning back with his hands behind his back, "Excellent. The master will be pleased. These bodies will make perfect recruits for the Dark Lord's Army."

He marched forward and the brigade of the undead followed, heading north to their next destination. The bodies were placed in 3 carts pulled by skeletons that quickly caught up to speed with their group, leaving the village behind as it burnt asunder.


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65 Reviews


Points: 11426
Reviews: 65

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Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:38 pm
occymay wrote a review...



Hello again!

Okay, this chapter was a lot better, there was much more happening. I did get a bit confused at first with the change from first person to third person because I haven't the first 3 chapters.

Positive-
The characters in this were fantastic, you had a real mix of emotions and it was very interesting. I really liked your development of Keya and revealing more things about her personality and life. This chapter had a lot more energy and I felt that everything flowed really well in the section with Akio and Keya. I liked the dialogue even better in this chapter, there was energy and realism, and it makes it flow really well because there wasn't much.

Improvements-
The first thing I'm going to say relates to the beginning of this chapter and the previous chapter. In my previous review, I said about how I felt there wasn't much going on, well I though it might be a good idea to have Akio get the feeling of being watched in that chapter. So it starts in that chapter and then intensifies in this chapter, this helps to create tension and mystery. Obviously, this is just an idea but I think it will help to give that chapter a bit more impact. I also feel the end sections where the scene changes and then changes again need a more serious tone. I also felt those unnecessary moments come back in this section.

Overall, really great chapter and I will hopefully review chapter 7 tomorrow so it's out of the green room. Keep writing :)




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Reviews: 802

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Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:21 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey, kman! I'm back for the next chapter. :) These are really big chapters, which might scare off some potential reviewers. If you have enough points, I suggest you post each chapter in two parts. You might get more reviews that way.

The morning arose as the sun’s golden glow illuminated across the landscapes. The buzzing sound of the cicadas echoed throughout the forest. Walking across the cobblestoned road, heading north, was Keya and Akio as they headed upward to Strongfair. They had walked a mile away from their campsite and didn’t stop to enjoy the scenery.
Yes! Brilliant! This is what I was talking about at the start of the fifth chapter. Incorporate where and when into the text.

That’s a relief! I thought we were going to be walking forever. However, I can’t help shake the feeling we were being watched.
You switch between present and past tense here. 'I can't' needs to become 'I couldn't'.

Tapping the bottom of the pipe to throw away the burned tobacco, the red-bearded dwarf spoke up. He said in an accent, “You say the elves are the best blacksmiths, lass, but you be mistaken.”
The dwarves' accents are very well done.

Keya’s grin quickly dropped from hearing the word “Dwarf”. Akio noticed it, but didn’t bother to ask, “What’s wrong”. So, he turned and resumed listening.
Since he doesn't actually ask it, there shouldn't be any speech marks around 'what's wrong'.

She sounds like someone you don’t want to mess with! Akio grimaced at the thought of such a girl. Keya, however, remained deadpanned.
This could have potentially been an info dump, but I think the way the smith told us about the new characters worked really well. He just seemed like a friendly local telling the 'gossip' and giving advice.

“It was just a mistake, you see! Also, I didn’t properly introduce myself! My name is Grimhilda Faldrum, granddaughter of Torstein Faldrum, at your service! Sorry about what happen earlier, but it was a good thing it didn’t get ugly!” she chuckled nervously at the end.
Her change of character was very sudden. Wanting to beat Akio up, she suddenly became an angel when the authorities were mentioned. I'll just point out that this makes me, the reader, think that she and her grandfather have something to hide. I would expect you to reveal what that is at some point in the story. If they've got nothing to hide, you might like to change her tone so the change is less sudden.

For as long as my people can remember, the elves and the dwarves have been enemies since the beginning of our two races.
These two phrases say the same thing, so you can delete one. I would get rid of 'since the beginning of our two races'.

He marched forward and the brigade of the undead followed, heading north to their next destination. The bodies were placed in 3 carts pulled by skeletons that quickly caught up to speed with their group, leaving the village behind as it burnt asunder.
The major conflict is developing well. You also have clear subplots, such as Keyo learning that the things she was taught as a child aren't necessarily true and there's a wider world. Good job!


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I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself.
— Seraphina