z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Ashura: A World of Sword and Magic Chapter 9

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Seven hours had passed and by the time dawn had arrived, the invasion was finally over and the invaders were already purged. The casualty accounts wasn’t all that high. In fact, only a few deaths could be counted for collateral damage and were given proper burials after the ordeal had ended while the remains of the undead were thrown on large pyres of fire with the townspeople opening kegs of ale and throwing a victory party. Even some of them began pissing on the bonfires, as well. The blacksmiths began forging the nails and bolts for the foundations while the woodsmen went out to harvest the lumber needed. The healers had set up infirmary tents to provide more room to tend to the injured. Lastly, the carpenters started mending the damages on the buildings that were decimated in the aftermath. It took me an hour to realize the battle came to an end, as there weren’t any of the dead in sight. Grimhilda, Keya, and I separated to help put the town back together, with Hilda and I taking up carpentry while Keya went somewhere else. I wasn’t worried. She could take care of herself.

I was standing on top of a hill, staring at the whole thing while also lending a hand in the reconstruction.

“Akio! We need a hand with this rooftop!” shouted Grimhilda irately.

“I’m on it!”

I climbed up with an arm full of planks on my right shoulder. I handed them to her and she quickly hammered them in before adding the tiles.

Wiping the sweat off of her brow, she sighed, “Woo! That took all day, but it’s finally finished! Thanks for bringing all of those planks, Akio.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m just happy to help,” I replied.

She handed me a water skin. “Here…drink this. You need to keep yourself hydrated,” Grimhilda asserted, avoiding eye contact while her cheeks turned red.

“Thanks, Grimhilda,” I said. I took a sip before handing it back.

“I-it’s not I’m concerned, or anything! N-nobody wants to see a man die of thirst!” she retorted in a shrill tone. I guessed it was difficult for a proud girl like Hilda to express such worry.

I smiled. I never noticed it before, but Grimhilda looked so cute when she’s embarrassed.

“By the way, you’re really good with that hammer and nails,” I commented.

She twirled the hammer between her fingers and smiled proudly before tossing it into the air and catching it like a baton. She replied, “Of course, I am. We dwarves are gifted craftsmen, training since birth to be able to work faster and sturdier to meet our quota. That’s what makes us dwarves the most hardworking race in all of Gaia.” I could believe that she trained a lot to be that skillful. However, the rest of it just sounded like she was just bragging.

I asked, “So, can I do anything else, besides carrying wood and nails. I want to feel more useful than being just a pack mule.”

Snapping out of her fluster, she turned around and stared blankly. Her lips pursed as she pointed out, “I don’t know. We’re almost done with the repairs. Unless you want to help round up every remaining undead corpse around the city, we pretty much have everything settled.” She chuckled at the end.

I didn’t say a word and just shook my head. Then a thought came to me. “What about Keya? I’m probably sure she needs help attending to the injured.” Anything was better than walking around carrying carpentry supplies, except cleaning up dead body parts and cremating them.

She scratched under chin and pondered.

“Okay, fine. Do whatever you want. If you want to hang out with your elven girlfriend, I don’t really care,” she stated passively.

I was a little annoyed at that remark. Narrowing my brow, I fumed as my face flushed. “S-she’s not my girlfriend! We’re just acquaintances, that’s all!”

It’s true, though. I’ve only known the elf girl for only five days, which isn’t really enough time to pursue a relationship…n-not that I want to, that is. However, I’ve noticed Grimhilda’s cheeks turned red, yet again, but I didn’t take it seriously and just brushed it off. With that settled, I climbed down and dashed east, heading towards the infirmary facility.

Along the way through the ruined town, I passed by all the recently marked graves as I heard the crackling of the pyres. I held my breath, trying my best to avoid the miasma of the roasted dead, but holding my breath made it harder to run and I had to stop to inhale.

I stopped in my tracks and stood on top of a hill. Before me was a large tanned tent with a red cross on its’ roof. At the front was a long line waiting patiently for their injuries to be treated. I didn’t have time to wait. So, I started cutting through, ignoring the constant complaints behind me.

“Hey! No cutting!”

“Wait your turn!”

“We were here first!”

When I got to the front, I saw Keya sitting on a stool while nursing a badly injured man with her hands. The man was covered in bandages from head to toe and was unable to move. The elf girl caressed her fingers against his arms with her hands glowing white. Then she stopped and pulled away.

“There you go. Your injuries have healed and you’ll be able to walk again. However, you might want rest for a few days before moving around, first,” stated Keya.

Although she was smiling, she was shaking like a leaf. Her whole body slouched from fatigue as she had trouble raising her arms again.

“Now, get well soon,” she said.

“T-thank you! You’re such an angel!” said the man in a painful moan.

Keya turned around and slowly stood up. She noticed and walked up to me, grinning happily while her eyes were half-opened.

“Keya, are you okay?” I asked.

She rubbed her eyes and sighed, saying, “oh, yes. I’m just a little tired. I’ve used up so much of my mana to treat all these people and it’s taking so much out of me.”

“Excuse me, doctor! The back of my head hurts! Can you take a look at it?!” the elf girl turned around and sauntered over to the bedside of a sickly old man. She felt the back of his head as her left hand glowed, arching a brow while looking puzzled.

“I’m sorry, but there doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with your head, sir.” My face fell deadpanned. While Keya was trying to find the problem, that old man was having the tie of his life. The old man’s face leaned in with a smile on his face, taking in the view of the elf girl’s breasts.

“Umm…Keya. Why don’t you take a break? I’ll be sure to treat the patient,” I suggested.

Keya’s face brightened. Standing up, she bowed. “Oh, thank you, Akio! You’re such a true gentleman!” she stepped out of the tent with a cheerful grin. She continued, “I’ll be sure to bring you some tea when I get back!” everyone outside groaned in disappointed. Their “angel” had just disappeared and won’t be back for a while.

Even the old man was sad also. “So…tell where, one your head, does it hurt?” I grabbed the back of his head and squeezed it hard, causing him to gasp in pain as my genuine smile morphed into a devious one. That’s what you get for being a dirty old man.

30 minutes later, I had finished treating all of the injured that came in, applying any area, even the ones where sun doesn’t shine, with ointment and wrapping it up in bandages. One of them actually enjoyed me treating, which made me really uncomfortable because of what area he wanted me to tend to.

“Hey, Akio. I’m back.”

Walking through the opening was Keya holding two steel mugs with metal lids in her hands. Everyone around them praised and smiled.

“Oh, thank the Creator, the beautiful angel has returned!”

“Please, treat us again with your soft hands, Keya! The boy’s hands are dry and clamming, and he’s got the bedside manners of a dog!”

Keya blushed as her body shifted, becoming flattered by their compliments. I, on the other hand, was starting to get pissed.

“Thanks for the praises, you ingrates!” I yelled sarcastically.

Keya chuckled. She handed me a mug before taking a sip from hers.

She remarked, “Don’t worry about it, Akio. It’s nothing to get your feather ruffled over. Come. Have some tea to calm your nerves.”

I took a sip and was surprised by the taste. “This is good! What is it?!”

“Dragon Lily with a hint of lemon. It’s relaxes the muscles and stimulates the nerves to one a better sense of clarity and rest.”

So, it’s like chamomile tea, in a way. Suddenly, the effects started to kick in. I was starting to feel my eyes getting a little heavy, causing me to almost lose my balance, but I was able to regain my equilibrium and snapped myself before I had fallen over.

“The effect are more potent when drunk by humans, but don’t you feel calm, already?” she mused.

I couldn’t help but glare at her as a small cross-shaped vein appeared on the side of my head. I retorted earnestly, “Easy for you to say. You didn’t almost tip over and fell unconscious on the dirt floor.”

At first, she looked insulted, but at that moment, we both laughed at the top of our lungs. However, we ceased after everyone around us began to stare. Once we finished our tea break, we resumed helping all the patients until it was finally nighttime.

It was time for Keya and I to leave the city. We didn’t have time to stick around for the party, but did stick around to say goodbye. We stood in front of the Faldrum’s house with Grimhilda and Tornstein shaking our hands as we said farewell to them.

“Thanks for fixing my sword and giving us a place to stay, Mr. Faldrum,” I said while shaking the old man’s hand.

He smiled and chuckled. Then he replied, “No. No. I should be the one thanking you and your friend for saving our town from that undead horde.” Suddenly, he ran into the house and returned with a scabbard in his hands. He added, “I’ve been meaning to give you this. It is a customary scabbard I made for your sword. It will make it much easier to carry it around with.”

“Thank you, but I can’t accept it. I don’t have any more money to pay for it,” I refused in a humble tone. We did have two silver coins left. However, we used them to help pay for the town’s reconstruction.

“That’s alright! It’s on the house! You helped save our village and had save my granddaughter. So, this is a gift to show how grateful I am.” He stated.

I quickly attached it on the right side of my waist before sliding the sword inside. It was very thoughtful since I’ve been carrying the Blade of Accord in my belt, but since we didn’t have much money for a customary sheath, I was afraid that with all the running me and Keya have been doing, the blade would’ve cut off my belt and that would be very embarrassing, or dangerous because it could accidentally cut my leg.

I looked to Grimhilda who didn’t say anything. Instead, she just crossed her arms and avoided eye contact, having red cheeks and pursed lips.

“Oh. That reminds me. Grimhilda has something she wants to ask you,” added the old dwarf.

“Grandpa!” Grimhilda fumed.

She took a deep breath and sighed. Turning around, she stood to face me. Then she bowed.

She said in a polite, mousy tone, “I-I wish to join your party, please?”

“W-what?” I mumbled.

It was the first time I had ever saw Grimhilda being so polite, and without her grandfather telling her to be.

“I said I want to join your party, you idiot!” she shouted to the top of her lungs with a flushed face.

There’s the dwarf girl I’m familiar with. However, it wasn’t the response that puzzled me, but why the sudden interest in traveling with us.

“Why are you asking me this?” I said in a quizzical manner.

Although I didn’t have anything against the thought, it just seemed to have come out of nowhere, without warning.

“It’s because that after the whole ordeal, I felt like I didn’t really do much while the whole town was under attack. So, I thought ‘maybe I should go see the outside world and start learning how to fight better’,” she answered.

It was hard not to smile after hearing that. Her tone was so sincere, expressing how much she cares for her home and would like to come back to be more prepared if another catastrophe happens again.

“I also thought that if I go with you guys, I could learn some new blacksmithing techniques. Since I’m technically a journeyman, I still need to hone my skills if I want to be the greatest blacksmith all throughout the continent.” She flashed a cocky grin, extending her arms as she flexed her muscles. From the way they protrude, it was no different from a 12-year-olds’ arm as it appeared to have little muscle mass, but looks can be deceiving from my experience.

Grimhilda’s reason was sensible as while learning to be a better fighter would help protect her loved ones, honing her skills would also help improve her business for when she inherits her grandfather’s smithy.

I turned my attention to Keya to hear what she thought about it. She gave me a disapproving scowl as she slowly shook her head, which was understandable since we’re still working on her prejudice against them. However, having a dwarf in the party would help her get use to being around them more.

However, another thought appeared in my head.

I turned back to the dwarf girl and asked, “What about your grandfather? What does he think about this?”

The old man waved his right hand in a passive manner while the left on top of the wooden cane that supported him. He smiled and shook his head.

He answered, “I’m okay with this. My granddaughter is already seventeen and it’s about time she goes out to see the world. She’s a strong girl. So, she’ll be able to take care of herself.”

My smile was replaced with a deadpanned expression. Some grandfather of the month, you are. He did have a point, though. Grimhilda would be able to handle any sort of ordeal that would come in our way if she followed us.

I sighed in defeat. Pinching the bridge between my eyes, I complied, “Okay, you can come with us.”

The dwarf girl’s cheeks lit up as she shrilled. She ran up and embraced me around my abdomen, having a smile on her face and tears of joy running down her cheeks.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Her grip tightened like a cobra. It was getting harder to breathe and it felt like my spine was about to snap in two. She was just like a normal teenage girl, getting all excited from getting what she wanted.

“Can’t…breathe!” I begged for help from Keya who was taken aback.

The elf girl leaned over and tapped on Grimhilda’s shoulder. She smiled weakly as beads of sweat fell from her forehead.

“Umm…Hilda, you might want to ease up on your strength. You’re suffocating Akio,” she pleaded.

Taking notice, Grimhilda stopped and pulled back, scratching her right cheek as she chuckled in embarrassment. I gasped as I inhaled while my sides sored, feeling like a compactor crushed them.

“Sorry about that. I just forget my own strength, sometimes,” she apologized.

I replied, “That’s alright. It happens to the both of us.” all we could do from there was to laugh it off while relieving the tension in the air. After that, we got our things from the guest room and once Grimhilda got the essentials she needed—sleeping bag, clothes, soap—we said goodbye to Tornstein and headed out.

20 minutes later, we left the city through the back entranceway, south from where the front gate was located. We walked through another forest, strolling across the cobble stone road while gazing at the trees that illuminated in the moonlight.

“You know, we didn’t have to leave so soon. We could’ve just stayed for the celebration,” Grimhilda suggested.

“We could, but if we stay too long, then we might miss the opportunity for any quest that might spring up,” I stated. I rubbed my chin and thought for a moment. I continued, “Then again, we could’ve stayed and try some of the foods they were serving.

“Oh yes. It would have been nice to try some vegetarian cuisine that was being served by the residential elves. It’s been so long since I had some fried rutabark kimchi,” Keya remarked. I didn’t know what a Rutabark was, but if it was made into kimchi and the way Keya’s drooling over it, then it must be good. However, I would have to hold that thought after I try some.

“Maybe, we could try some of the beer also.”

Then I heard Grimhilda snicker and then laugh, which was pretty annoying since it was directed at me. Wiping a tear from her eye, she argued, “doesn’t even consider it, Akio. The beer produced in town is made from dwarven brewers! If a human or an elf consume some without experience, then they’ll have to deal with hours of stomach cramps, dizziness, and irritating headaches!”

“What about the wine? Who produces that?”

Grimhilda ceased laughing and her jovial expression was replaced with a deadpan. She lifted her hand out and rotated it in a so-so manner as her face contorted. “Eh. That stuff is imported from Ero Yalth. It’s harvested from berries grown in the mountains and produced by the elves before distribution.” For a moment, I was worried Grimhilda would make a snide comment about the elves, but instead she asked, “So, where are we going to next?”

She walked with her war hammer over the back of her neck with such carelessness while her arms hung on the top of the handle.

I pulled up the map from the back of my palm and skimmed. “According to the map, we’re going to...Paradiso. Unfortunately, like Strongfair, there doesn’t seem to be a guild office anywhere in the vicinity. Hopefully, we’ll find some sort of quest without a bulletin board.”

“You’re going on an adventure without knowing what it is. Doesn’t that seem a little reckless and stupid?” her tone became deadpanned as she glared at me.

Rubbing the back of my head, I flashed a half-hearted grin.

I responded with a chuckle, “Yeah, but at least it gives us some experience when exploring our range. Who knows? Maybe, our next adventure will fall from the sky.”

Suddenly, we heard a scream coming from out of nowhere. Then a figure fell from the sky and landed with a thud before us. We were shocked while our mouths fell agape, especially Grimhilda’s who was just eating her own words. Rubbing her head and groaned, the figured stood up and stared at us like a deer caught in headlights. It was a girl with brown hair and square ears.

“Did that girl literally fell from the sky?” Grimhilda questioned in disbelief.

“Goodness. I hope she’s alright,” Keya worried.

“I don’t know. Let me go check and see.”

I strutted carefully towards the girl before lifting her back on her feet. I was still surprised that a total stranger had just fallen out of thin air, but it was still the right thing to help her up. Her hands were soft and sweaty with her body trembling in nervousness. Her face turned a little red as she stared directly into my eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head in response.

Then she snapped out of her daze. The girl pulled away, gnawing at her thump in anxious quiver. Under her breath, she muttered, “Oh no! I’ve been discovered!”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
65 Reviews


Points: 11426
Reviews: 65

Donate
Tue Apr 18, 2017 8:12 pm
occymay wrote a review...



Hello!

Sorry that this was later than I said but the motivation for anything has been a big issue the past couple of days.


Positives-
This is obviously a slower chapter than before being that it's the aftermath of the battle but you did well to try and inject some exciting elements like Grimhilda joining their party and the end scene. Also, really liked the end scene because it helps to create mystery and will have the reader turning the page. Once again, the characters were consistently good and I like how you are developing the character of Grimhilda. It helps to keep the audience interested by giving them a better understanding of the characters, it makes them more relatable.


Improvements-
The last line for me isn't needed "That caught all of our attention. We wanted to know what she meant and we had to do something fast before she got away." The line "Oh no! I've been discovered!" is much more dramatic. For the very beginning paragraph, I would rewrite it because it's very telling. It would be much better if you showed us Akio walking through the ruined town, past the new graves and hearing the crackling of the fire, the horrid smell. It would have much more of an impact on your reader. Also, "She gave me a disapproving scowl as she slowly shook her head, showing she wasn’t so keen on having a dwarf in the group", the "Showing she wasn't keen" part isn't necessary. We already know about the animosity between these two characters and her expression and gesture tell us everything. I notice you do this a lot through your writing, where you give unnecessary information, let the actions or words of your characters speak louder than the narration.

Overall, a good chapter which could be even better with a few changes and edits. I look forward to the next chapter :)




kman134 says...


yeah, the unnecessary information is a habit of mine, which i'm trying to cure.



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Sun Apr 16, 2017 10:27 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



So, I might have said this before, because I feel like I read a bit of this a while back and really liked the dwarf. But I think it's interesting that your main dwarf character is female - it's unusual and kind of awesome, especially since she's still kind of salty in that dwarf way, like you didn't make her all sweet and helpless just because she's a girl. She is thoroughly Dwarf. I love it.

You tend to skip over things that either ought to be dramatized a bit more or could be skipped over even more. I have two examples.

Seven hours had passed and by the time dawn had arrived, the invasion was finally over and the invaders were already purged. The casualty accounts wasn’t all that high. In fact, only a few deaths could be counted for collateral damage and were given proper burials after the ordeal had ended while the remains of the undead were thrown on large pyres of fire with the townspeople opening kegs of ale and throwing a victory party. Even some of them began pissing on the bonfires, as well.

I was standing on top of a hill, staring at the whole thing while also lending a hand in the reconstruction.


In this example, you skip over the end of the invasion and the aftermath. Suddenly, not long after the invaders have been driven out, they're repairing the town. Wow. These people move unbelievably fast. I know a normal reader wouldn't start off here, but coming into this chapter, with this paragraph, I didn't really care about anything.

Show me someone to worry about. Start with Akio. Where is he at the end of the battle? How long does it take before he realizes the invasion is over and they've won? Does he know where Keya and Grimhilda are at that moment? Is he worried about them? I want to know! Focusing on individuals who were involved in and affected by the battle draws readers in more than making general statements like "people were doing xxx."

It’s harvested from berries grown in the mountains and produced by the elves before distribution.”

Then, we changed the subject as we continued walking further away from Strongfair.

“So, where are we going to next?” Grimhilda inquired.


This is an instance where you could entirely skip over the time jump or do it in a way that's more in line with the story. Rather than "then, we changed the subject," which is obvious anyway - because we saw Grimhilda say one thing and then say something unrelated - you could do something like this.

It's harvested from berries grown in the mountains and produced by the elves before distribution." For a moment, I was worried Grimhilda would make some snide comment about the elves, but instead she asked, "So, where are we going next?"


That way, the dialogue flows more smoothly from one topic to another and relates back to something else in the story, rather than using a clunky transition like "we changed the subject."




kman134 says...


Grimhilda and Keya are suppose to be polar opposites. while Keya acts refined and girlish as a reflection of her regal status, Grimhilda is suppose to be tough and tomboyish. however, despite their self-reliance and indecent attributes, that doesn't mean they don't need help.




I do all of the training for Walgreen’s cashiers.
— The Devil