Young Writers Society

Hey there! EverWinter here for a review!

This poem definitely has a powerful message about society. It's about being trapped. When you think of being trapped, what do you picture? I see a person in a cage, a box. You might see something different, but whatever you see, you use that image. Metaphors are great. They are a classic and people love them. You used the metaphor of being a puppet, but I don't think you stressed it enough. Either that, or the metaphor doesn't really match the message of the story. You might want to replace it if stressing it doesn't make the poem better.

The next thing I noticed is that in your lines "Gosh, just be quiet" and "You're wrong", you're probably quoting someone or the basic message of what they said. It wouldn't be wrong to make these lines more hurtful. These lines need to cut like knives. So don't be afriad to use words that are powerful.

I love the message and maybe you could write a sequel to this in the future (or maybe you already have) about ripping the strings of society off and fighting back because no, you will not be quiet and you are not wrong.

Great job overall. This is a great topic and you could really hit home with this for some people.

DeepRoses, hey there!

Oh my goodness, there is a lot in this poem and sadly I can also say that this is something I can relate to... and I am probably not the only one.

From what I can tell, this poem is centered around not being accepted no matter what you do and the struggle of people making you change who you are, or becoming a puppet of other peoples opinions.

"You aren’t good enough”

This is the line that grabbed me, because I have felt like this for most of my life, I am a people pleaser by nature and when someone didn't like the way I did something, I tried to change to fit them... but still fell short. Only when you acctually be yourself and dont let people change you, can you be truly happy.

I think what can be taken away from a poem like this, is to not let peoples thoughts or opinions of what you should or shouldn't be.

So very good job on this poem.

This really helps open the eyes of the reader in how this is what goes on in peoples lives. Nothing they do is right. It's all wrong, everything they do is wrong. They try and make an opinion, but society shuts it down saying you can't think like that, or you are too stupid to understand the words you're saying.

Some people are society's puppets. Just going along with whatever the majority says, without ever speaking their mind. When some try to go against the majority they are shunned, or dismissed because they aren't good enough for anyone. They are alone.

I love the emphasis you put on some words it just makes it more relateable to people who feel this is the way the world is.

(Sorry I'm not very good with poetry reviews. I can never get my thoughts out in words)

I get the frustration, and it comes through abundantly; however, you never really go into what the narrator would've said had she not been shut up by "the enemy"--and so the reader is left to make a one-dimensional judgment based on the content.

The message is clear--don't mistake me. But for quality's sake, I'm arguing that you could pull off more by reforging some of the redundant lines into unique phrases of dialogue instead of monologue. Because let's face it: the monologue of being told to shut up by an enemy has been done to death. But what we don't get is a proper dialogue. We don't get two-dimensional characters. Three-dimensional characters. I want something robust out of this. I want to care that the narrator has been laid low by 'the enemy' and been made a labeled puppet.

My final note is in regards to the final line: it's weak, and the matter of spells comes out of left field with no context whatsoever. It's a weak ending, and I plead with you to reconsider it and give it some tender love and care during editing.

Lumi