Golden Leaves and Icy Air

AUTUMN!

Hi, its Sheyren. I'm going to review this poem. If you hadn't guessed, I like to read seasonal poems, mainly autumnal poems. So, of all the poems I saw you had published, I made a beeline for this one.

Now, there isn't a lot to comment on, especially since I'm not the first reviewer. But I do want to say how much I liked the ending to this poem. You had a lighthearted poem that explained the pros of fall. Then, suddenly, BAM! creepy ending. Screams, hallows, etc. Creepy. Plus, there was a potentially unintended pun at the end. "It's time for summer to leave" Get it? Cause, leaves? You probably got it. You probably intended the pun, too, and I'm just being ridiculous. Which I'm cool with. Ridiculous is my middle name. Sheyren Ridiculous Lastname. I should stop talking now.

Again, with your perfect rhythm. Can't comment there. I suggest, though, that you include more punctuation. It was only used in one stanza. Periods at the end of stanzas, or at least poems, give it a complete feeling.

So, yeah. Nice poem! Keep writing, and I look forward to reading more of you works! Adios!

-Sheyren

I love poems about Autumn. They bring back many memories for me so I really enjoyed this along with the rhyming... ^-^

This is gorgeous, Rose.



You have a gift for painting pictures for an audience. It actually kind of depressed me a little, as where I live, we are still experiencing some left-over summer climates. I can just smell the fallen leaves, and taste those pumpkin spice lattes.......... *crying*

I loved this piece. It was simple, and sweet, and colorful.


"Pumpkin spice

Coffee beans

Candle smells

and autumn leaves"


Loved this. Sounds like perfection.



"Golden, brown,

Red, and yellow.

Green is leaving

and tell to the new colors, hello!"


This is the only part that made me stumble just a little. This line didn't make sense to me: "Green is leaving and tell to the new colors, hello!" Perhaps this was a typo? It reads like you mean to say "Green is leaving, and tell the new colors hello!"



"Fairy lights

and cool breeze

Carving pumpkins

For all to see


Cocoa, vanilla,

and honey so sweet

Combine them all together

to get a special treat


The hallows are here

the screams of children will ring

Autumn is now here

It's time for summer to leave"


A very neat ending to a sweet and delightful poem! I almost like that 'leave' doesn't rhyme with ring. It does interrupt the rhyme sequence but it doesn't detract from the imagery. I think that's a personal call.

As always, Rose, wonderful work. Looking forward to seeing more of your pieces!


Have a great day.

-mav


Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com

Hi, Silverberry here for a review! I must say, I really like the poem! My favorite poems are poems that rhyme and I love all things autumn, so this was really perfect for me! I do have some grammar and rhyming errors that you might want to edit, but overall it was a wonderful work.
First of all, I think you can add an "and" after "coffee beans" in the first line, just so it matches the rest of the stanza and that it flows a bit better, it isn't needed but I think it would make it a bit better.

When it comes to the second stanza, as a person who writes a lot of rhyming poems, I know how hard it is to find that perfect rhyme, but the last line is way too long for the rest of the stanza and it breaks the flow. You can take out "and tell to the" to make it a little less wordy, though the last line still would be a little awkward. You could also add some syllables to the other lines in the stanza to make it all match.

Third stanza was pretty much perfect (and I do love fairy lights), but I think that "cool breeze" needs some sort of article before it, for example "the cool breeze" would make more sense.

The fourth stanza is pretty much perfect, and I'm just being picky when I say that "Combine them all together" and "to get a special treat" are a bit wordy. You can take out "together" and change "to get a" into "for" to make it a bit shorter and sharper, if that makes any sense. It isn't a necessity though.

I don't understand why the fifth stanza doesn't continue with the rhyme scheme. It makes the poem end a little abruptly. I do like the sinister-ness of the stanza though, the tone changes to make the poem creepier and I think it's a nice touch. I think it would be awesome if you added on to the poem and continue with the creepy tone instead of ending kinda awkwardly.

So, sorry if that was harsh, I was just being picky because this poem is really awesome and it gives off a nice, warm mood (until the change in the last stanza) and I really like it! I hope you find my advice to be helpful! Keep writing!

Hello there!

First thing first, I am no professional lol. What is correct and incorrect is not really something I can help with. What I do is speak my mind and share my opinions

I love autumn! So I enjoyed this poem. But I would like to share with you what I would do in a few places.

1) I'm not sure that I like the title of the poem. I just feel it doesn't completely fit the poem.

2) I think the first stanza is perfect! Love it!

3) second stanza I would change "Golden" to just "Gold" to match the other colors.
Also, I would do something about that last line in stanza 2. The poem has this nice flow
to it until you hit that line. Try to find 3 or 4 words that you can replace it with and make
sure it has that flow to it.

4) In stanza 3 I would just remove "and" in the second line. (I'm just trying to see what
helps it have a smooth flow to it)

5) Stanza 4, Third line seems to have a typo and also not a very flowing sound. I would
change it to just "Combine them all" and last line "for a special treat"

6) Last stanza. I would get rid of "The" in the second line. I would absolutely love
the last line to rhyme with the second. I feel the poem has this sudden end. If that rhyme
wont work out, then I would just get rid of "it's" in the last line.

Those are my suggestions for you I would love this poem to have that nice flow to it. But, its up to you. I just shared my opinion for it. Overall, love it. Goodjob!

Hey deeproses it's AshleyDashley here for a review!

First off I liked your title it was interesting and made me want to read your poem. And as I read it it brought a smile to my face of thinking of autumn in this way! SO thank you for the new perspective!

Second off stanza time.

Pumpkin spice

Coffee beans

Candle smells

and autumn leaves

Golden, brown,

Red, and yellow.

Green is leaving

and tell to the new colors, hello!

Fairy lights

and cool breeze

Carving pumpkins

For all to see

Cocoa, vanilla,

and honey so sweet

Combine them all togetherThe

to get a special treat

The hallows are here

the screams of children will ring

Autumn is now here

It's time for summer to leave