Trapped in a place, cheerful yet dark.
Secrets are hidden in every piece of this place--
every inch, every code--
secrets not even the experts can seek.
~
I’m functioned to smile, dance, laugh, and play--
“make the children smile”
It’s what I’m meant to do--
Love and care for the most innocent of souls.
My heart wants to cherish their lives,
To see them full of glee,
to warn and save them.
~
My creator is evil, wicked, and cruel.
A mass murderer who made me into what I am.
To be a monster is why I was created--
to learn, to trick, to go with his plans.
~
Whispers of help escape my system,
and echoes of children's giggles mock the halls.
But there is nothing I can do to stop the hauntings,
I’m stuck, controlled.
~
Failure after failure, he just won’t stop--
creating, making, controlling each and everyone
of us.
Hiding secrets in each little part,
each of us made to complete his tasks.
~
How cruel of a man? To make to kill--
to ruin lives, deceive the crowds.
A lie, is what I am -- made to love with fright.
Curiosity triggers my mind and power,
I just want to be your friend,
but I am forced to end you.
~
Please make this stop.
Let the souls free.
This pain and suffrage can’t go on much longer,
I don't know how much we can take.
~
I’m so sorry darling, you were lured into this place
I want you to escape, but you’re stuck, just like me.
I simply don’t want to see you scared and murdered,
I especially don’t want to be the one to do it,
but you and I both know,
we are stuck in this abandoned pizzeria…
.
.
**Authors note:
I have been interested in the game series ever since the first game was launched. Although I can’t stand the fandom, the theories and stories enthralled me. I became interested in all parts of the game and the growth of it, the story, the timeline especially. The horror, jump scares, and all of that pull me back into liking it. Sister location had to be my favorite, this poem is told by the point of view of Baby, the main animatronic in FNAF Sister Location. I know it is not common for poems to be written about video games, but inspiration hit me and I could not resist. Hope you all like it, for those who do understand the game or take a liking into it.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
OMG FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS
This is great and describes the fnaf animatronics perfectly. I felt sad and yet understanding at the same time reading this. I love it and I am going to continue to read your poems
As a FNAF fan (I'm not really part of the "fandom" but I still enjoy the game), I would like to say bravo. This is a really good poem built around the basis of Five Nights at Freddy's. I enjoyed reading this poem, especially because it's from the point of the view of the animatronic, not the character you play as in the game. I have not played Sister Location, but I do recognize the name. Either way, the poem sounds great, the words work well together. This poem makes me feel inspired to write something of my own - based on books/games/movies. I encourage you to write more poetry (whether based off of FNAF, based off of anything, or just words from your imagination - an original). I'm ultimately a big poetry reader, so if I see anymore of your poetry in the green room or under "poetry" I'd be happy to take a look
FNAF fanfic poetry. TREAT.
Well, a partial treat. I enjoy the PoV storytelling that humanizes the dehumanized/mechanical/blah blah blah you get it, but the flow and pacing of the piece in general is just lacking, and I think this is due to an inordinate lack of editing. The YWS publishing center's lack of formatting prowess certainly wasn't in your favor, but I'll focus on the piece itself.
Like Sheyren I'm not all too familiar with SL but if you feel malcontent with my adhesion of the poem, I have some friends who could probably crack into it and give you a talk about it. That'd be cool.
Generally speaking, though, for fanfic poetry you've pulled off a decent amount--you give us the plot, the setting, the motivation, the regrets, the victims, the other victims, the forthcoming victims, the past victims, the sad, the bad, the cries in the eyes. All the things that a FNaF fanfic has...in poetry form! All that said, it doesn't accomplish much by being a poem as opposed to normal fanfiction, and I feel like you could explore more and accomplish more in that medium if you so chose. But this is what you DID choose, so.
You need to work on the habitual nature of your phrasing and sentence structure as right now it's a hindrance to your flow. A to B to C. A to B. Vary the structure and your flow will change naturally, and improvements will come (and likely go).
All in all, you did a good job of providing a decent spook, a decent feel, and a decent poem altogether, albeit unconventional (and I don't mean rhyme and meter because those are for the birds as far as I'm concerned).
Have fun in your abandoned pizzeria,
Ty
Thank you a bunch
Hi DeepRoses! I see you have a Five Nights at Freddy's fan-poem. Cool. I've never seen a poem rather than a fanfiction, so its unique. And awesome.
Now, I've never played the games, but I am up to date with the theories. The storyline and theories are always a load of fun. However, I have 0 knowledge of Sister Location. Thus, I can't make any comments on the story, though I assume the plot is similar to the previous installments. So, I can't complain about much.
But I can praise it and say one thing. That thing would be the tildes. In novels, they indicate a setting change. So when I look at them, I subconsciously think a setting switch occurred. Now, I've been told that this is just because spacers don't work. I've only seen this problem in poems, so my solution may not work (I don't write poetry). Instead of uploading the document when you publish, copy paste. That works for me, but again, I write novels. Obviously, this can't be applied to this poem, but its a sort of suggestion for your next poem. Maybe it'll work, maybe I'm an ignorant fool. Probably the latter. XD
Now, can I tell you how amazing this thing was?! Usually, I find issues with the rhythm to comment on, but I just can't find anything in this. Like, really. Its perfect, though and through. So, keep writing perfect poems. And I'll read them.
Now, If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go review another poem of yours. Adios!
-Sheyren
thanks!!