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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Hello, Kitty here!
I loved reading this poem, it seems to be drenched in emotion, and that makes it to great to read. You're poem is very relatable to me, which is one thing that I am happily finding on this website. I do enjoy how you made two separate paragraphs to separate the thoughts, I thought it was a neat idea and something that I too should try. Keep on writing!
Best Wishes,
Katrina Kimberly
Hi, DeepRoses, I'm here to review your poem!
The imagery in your first stanza was definitely worth noting. My guess is that the narrator is seeing his/her loved ones above the clouds, and I can feel the joy in the stanza. But I didn't really like the last line of the first stanza, especially "unstoppable". It feels....off. I think you could improve your poem by rewriting that line.
My other issue is that the length of the poem isn't good. Just from sunshine to hitting the ground again is an abrupt transition from this stanza to the next. I thought the second stanza was particularly written well, especially how you expressed the bitterness of the narrator by
So like I said before, the poem needs a little bit more between the first and second stanzas. Still, I definitely like your poem, and I hope you will keep writing more.
Sincerely,
Princess Ink