naive spirit

This is Kaos here for a review!

I also, like Lumi, felt there was a lot of missed potential. I'll explain that my reasons for that. When I read this, I saw it sort of as a parody of the standard one-dimensional girl in poetry who dances in the meadows and is a clueless girl, and I actually like that kind of idea since the end is kind of a twist to that, but I don't really know if that's what you were going for. Maybe that's something that I wanted from this poem rather than got. It feels like a satire of every poem that talks about girls that dance in nature and don't really have any clues as to what's going on, mostly because of the end of the poem.

There was a lack of interpretation and subtly. You leave everything out in the open rather than hiding things or leaving them to be lesser-known, and I think that's your greatest weakness here. Don't tell the reader everything, because then they don't have anything to interpret about the poem, and that's what ended up happening here. What did the flowers happen to stand for? Are the flowers living in this poem? This is something that I wanted to know more about because it'd make for a good metaphor, but you tell us that she's a naive spirit.

I wanted to know if this was an allegory for something that the reader doesn't really get to know about because it kind of seems like one. You give the girl's whole character away by telling us everything, instead, show us. We don't really know why she's upset about the flowers, is this to say that she thought she was doing good and wasn't really aware that she was hurting people? It doesn't really go into detail about that and for the most part, I can see this poem working if you made things less blunt, focused more on the metaphor, and perhaps cut out some of the stereotypical imagery if this is something you want to be taken more seriously.

Take the chance of letting the reader fill some of the space in the shoes of the poem, and if they don't interpret it as intended, it's still better than giving us the whole theme and making that the only part of the poem, which is something that you put a lot of emphasis on here. If the reader figures it out for themselves, that's great, and if they don't, well, there is no right or wrong answer for interpretation in poetry. It depends on how the reader perceives the poem, as I saw it leaning on satire, but others may not see it the same.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

A good poetry piece. The way you explain how she moves causing destruction without realizing is really good.

A good poetry piece. The way you explain how she moves causing destruction without realizing is really good.

A compact review for you, like a flower.

Lots of volatile imagery here, but also lots of missed opportunity, I feel, for symbolism. The flowers alone could've carried an entire world's weight of symbols if only given names. And the girl is heavily one-dimensional.

However, this almost reads like an Undertale fic, hah. In fact. @AstralHunter, what do you think? It's that last line that gets me--that and the crushed flowers.

Beyond these things, you say almost everything blatantly and leave nothing to metaphor or image, symbol, or inference. It's heavily disappointing.

While short, the notes are important. I hope they help.
Ty

Hi Deeproses, Rohan here for review!
Beautiful poem. I liked the imagery and the easy flow of emotion throughout the poem. I imagined the girl being the poetess who is reminiscing her actions in the past. This is also indicated in the title. Even though there is no rhyming scheme, the poem has a beautiful rhythm to it.

I read it thrice. I found the last stanza especially appealing because of your art of storytelling. It starts with 'Oblivious to all around...' which has been the thing in the entire poem(the girl being too innocent and naive to look at the carnage she has been making to the surrounding/people near her) and she realises it only after she looks at the dead flowers. The change of mood is not abrupt but proceeded gently within the span of two lines.

I loved this piece of work. Definitely keep writing!

Regards,
Rohan

I really liked this poem a lot. I thought that you used a lot of descriptive words and a lot of personification. I liked the metaphor you used as comparing the girl to wilting and dancing flowers. I think you should make another poem like this, as it was written very well. I do think it is short, though it is not that much of a problem due to it's high quality word choice. 100% paperrater approved! (Not really...)