I asked for red,
you gave me white.
~
I wanted something specific
and made it as simple as I could,
but you disregarded me.
~
I wanted color,
Instead of all the hollowness.
~
I gave you my heart
and asked if I could have yours,
but all you gave me was a void of empty feelings.
~
I gave you a rainbow,
full of brilliant and bold pigments
to show my endearment for you,
while you sat there, giving me excuses.
~
Instead of complaining about the bleached color,
I took my paintbrush full of crimson tint,
and spent my time painting every aspect
of the now scarlet petaled floret,
owing to the fact that I still adored you,
even when you gave me nothing.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,804 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hey there! Whether you see this or not, this is VP with a review!
If anyone sees this and wonders why i'm reviewing a old work, it;s because all works are new until after you've read them. So, now I've read it, and it can go back to the shelf when I'm done with it.
The emotion you've been able to show in this poem is amazing. There's a tension I cannot describe, a certain type of feeling that I'm not sure how to explain.
It's disappointing that some jerk couldn't follow directions, even if it was years ago It isn't right. So, here's a red rose to the past you that didn't--
https://giphy.com/gifs/rDpDs5t1aywdG
Hello, here for a review.
First of all I love the contrasting lines here.
"I asked for red,
you gave me white.
~
I wanted something specific
and made it as simple as I could,
but you disregarded me."
Plainly beautiful. The spacing was well put and made the poem flow well. The imagery in this was astounding, especially in the last stanza.
One suggestion that I do have is that if you put even the tiniest bit of rhyming in the poem it would flow even better. Overall, this was well written, keep up the good work!
Great work DeepRoses.Royevans,here to review your work.
If its a poem I think creating rhythm will make it interesting and in the process create some musicality in it.
And with good word choice I think it can create tension and emotion. This will bring out clearly the emotional state and attitude of the persona towards his subject.
Again keeping the "I wanted...and you gave..."form I thing can help create the rhythm.