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Young Writers Society


Mature Content

Finding Destiny (Chapter 11)

by gossipgirlxoxo


*Editor's Note* Sorry for this being a short one, I just needed to get this out there and published so I can get on with the story. I hope you enjoy.

xoxo,Gossip Girl

Cole's POV

I gently eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake her. I started pacing the room, running my fingers through my disheveled hair when something caught my eye. Just the hint of a picture frame hidden behind a mass of books. I glanced back at Skylar, who was still sleeping peacefully and turned my attention to the picture. At first, the only thing I saw was her, Sky. Her long brown hair and dazzling green eyes focused on the camera, but there was a girl peeking out from behind her. She had the same long brown hair, but had ice blue eyes and she was caught candidly smiling down at her sister.

"Mmmm" Sky mumbled in her sleep.

I whizzed around, almost knocking the books off the desk. I knew I shouldn't be peeking, but after what she shared with me I felt compelled. I glanced back at her and then made my decision. Maneuvering carefully I crept out her door and down the hall. The only door that was closed was directly at the end of the hall. What am I thinking? I can't go in there, it's so private. But somehow, my feet had a different suggestion. Before I knew it I was reaching out for the shiny gold handle of Annabeth's bedroom door. I turned it quietly and it opened to walls of periwinkle with a huge queen bed off to the side. She had the same desk as Sky, except hers was immaculate. Not a thing out of place, almost clinical. I stepped in and turned to shut the door and as I did I noticed a white card laying behind the door. I bent to pick it up and turned it over in my hands. There I saw an invitation. An invitation to a cabin in Wisconsin, May 23rd-25th 2014. I dropped the card and scurried out of the room. When I came to Skylar's door she was out like a light. So, I grabbed a piece of paper off her desk and scribbled a note.

I raced out of her house and back to the place that had been the source of my pain, and maybe now Sky's. It took about 20 minutes but I finally got back to the rotting cottage. I started up the gravel road and went straight to the garage. The door was under lock and key because my father didn't like people touching his stuff. And by people, he meant his own son. Too bad for him I knew where he hid the key. So I grabbed it and started to unlock the door. When I stepped inside the garage was dark and smelled of moth balls. I flicked the light switch on and it illuminated the fear I'd had all along. Sitting pretty in the middle of the garage was my Father's old white buick. License plate W29 S64. I collapsed to the floor. My Father was always on drunken tirades, he was like a tornado. He didn't care what was in his path, or more importantly, who.

Skylar's POV

I groggily opened my eyes, memories of the day flooding my brain. I couldn't help but smile. I turned to reach for Cole only to find the bed empty and cold. I shot up and found a scrap piece of paper laying on the pillow next to mine.

"Sky,

I'm sorry I had to leave so sudden, something came up. Meet me tomorrow where we met.

- Cole"


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453 Reviews


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Fri Jul 19, 2019 6:39 pm
Lib wrote a review...



You know what I'm here for. Yup. A review.

SO, again, a short chapter, but that's fine. There's more chapters out there waiting for me.

Wow, love the description you've been putting. You're getting much better. Keep it up, girl! I'm loving it.

Let's see what we've got here. Cole The Stalker.

Before I knew it I was reaching out for the shiny gold handle of Annabeth's bedroom door.


STALKER! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE ANNABETH'S ROOM IS? YOU CREEP! SKY! WAKE UP! KICK HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

License plate W29 S64. I collapsed to the floor.


Bro, I can see why you collapsed like that. I almost fell out of my chair. By the way, Cole Wright, I hate your father. *sticks out tongue* Fight me if you wish. I will kill you. Anything for Skylar.

Oh my, and the note, Cole, *shudder* you're freaking me out, man.

That's it for my review. I really hope this helped in some sort of way. I'm off to read the next chapter. Of course, if you've got any questions, feel free to ask whenever. You're doing a great job. :smt023

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:28 am
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Annaclare wrote a review...



Hey hey! So, it's been a really long time since I've read the past chapters in this book and I just would like to say wow!

I remember last chapter being worried that Cole did it... but it was his father! PLOT TWIST!

I know this isn't much of a review but you know me well enough by now to know that I absolutely love your novel and I will always read it... no matter how late it may be since you published it!

Phenomenal job! KEEP WRITING PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Stay Classy!

-Annaclare




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Sun Oct 25, 2015 1:29 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello and happy review day! Romantic teen fiction is my favorite :D I haven't read the previous chapters, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.

You mentioned that this is a short one so you can get on with the story, so to me that implies this is a filler scene or that you rushed to get through it so you can work on a more exciting scene :) We all do this! But I'll try to give you some ideas about how you can expand this when you're ready.

I'm not quite sure how the plot moves forward in this chapter other than Cole going into this cottage, but I'm not really sure what he does there or why it's important. That's the main thing I'd like expanded. You've got good descriptions, I can see the scene in my head and there's also a fair amount of thoughts and feelings (which I really like, too) :). You could also expand on transitions, but I'll talk about all of that more in the specifics:

I gently eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake her. I started pacing the room, running my fingers through my disheveled hair when something caught my eye.

Love that first sentence. What's he feeling or what's going through his mind when he starts to pace? Is he worried about something? Did he make a mistake? Is he thinking about the day ahead?

Just the hint of a picture frame hidden behind a mass of books.

This sentence is a fragment and I think it could be combined with the one before it. "...something caught my eye - just the hint of a picture..."

I glanced back at Cali, who was still sleeping peacefully and turned my attention to the picture.

I'm glad we get to see Cali again, but I think this is worded a little funny.
"Cali was still sleeping peacefully, so I was able to focus my attention on the picture."
"I glanced back at Cali, and she was still sleeping peacefully. When I looked back at the picture, the only thing I saw was her."
Something like that?

I knew I shouldn't be peeking,

If it's just sitting there on her night stand, he's not really peeking, is he?

I glanced back at Cali and then made my decision.

I wasn't aware that there was a decision to be made here? What's the decision?

Maneuvering carefully I crept out her door and down the hall.

New paragraph starting here.

I stepped in and turned to shut the door

New paragraph starting here because we're switching from the description to what he actually does.

I raced out of her house and back to the place that had been the source of my pain, and maybe now Cali's.

This is what I would like more of. How did we go from looking around this house, to immediately running out of the house? What was going through his mind here? Why did he do this? What's he feeling? I want more about this decision.
This is also pretty ambiguous (the where he's going part). It might make more sense if I wasn't coming in late and I sort of like ambiguity, as long as it's explained later.

It took about 20 minutes but I finally got back to the rotting cottage.

I want more here too. He ran for twenty minutes? What's he wearing? He just woke up so does he have shoes on? Is he still wearing his pajamas? What is the run like? Is he tired? What does he see? What are his surroundings like?
Oh and that note - we see it at the end, but we never see him put it on the bed, he just takes off. That could go into that decision making thing I mentioned earlier. You could slow that down by showing him placing the letter and putting on the proper clothes to run (but with lots of thoughts about why he's going and what he needs to do) and then he can take off.

When I stepped inside

New paragraph starting here, and comma after "inside".

I flicked the light switch on and it illuminated the fear I'd had all along. Sitting pretty in the middle of the garage was my Father's old white buick.

I really don't understand how this is significant or how it connects to the card he found earlier. Maybe connect the dots a little more for us with his thoughts and emotions about this situation.

I collapsed to the floor. My Father was always on drunken tirades, he was like a tornado. He didn't care what was in his path, or more importantly, who.

Same here. I really don't understand why he has this reaction or why this is significant. We went from waking up, looking at a picture, looking in Annabeth's room, seeing a card, running away, and then this. Connect these dots for us.

Cali's POV

Generally speaking, you want to keep POV consistent in chapters for clarity. I don't know what pattern you've been following thus far, but I think you could expand Cole's segment and then start the next chapter with Cali's segment. Then you could continue the chapter with what happens to Cali or what she does when she sees this note. I don't like the chapter ending on such a short POV because it feels unfinished and out of the blue.

Intriguing idea and interesting characters! I may have to add this to my list of things to read more of after review day :) I'll leave things there for now, but let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!






Thank you so much for this detailed review! I love reviews like these. I can see why some of this is confusing, the last 2-ish chapters were leading up to this moment in time so the people who did read it would understand. But with that being said not everyone is going to read it all right away, so I'm glad you wrote what you did so I can make it better for people who jump in (: I think you'll really enjoy the other chapters if you want to give them a read!
Xoxo
Gossipgirl




For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle