Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Authors Note:
Hi guys! It's been forever and I'm horrible with that, I know. But here is another installment of Finding Destiny. I know it's short, don't hate me for that, but it's something, okay (: Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please feel free to review/comment to your heart's desire.
-- GossipGirl
Cole’s POV
Her eyelids flutter close as she turns towards me, before briefly opening to stare into my eyes. I can see her move down and glance at the cuts around my face, my arms. She thinks I don't notice when she looks at my bruises. And when she looks away she gets this pained look in her eyes that I hate. I want to take it all away, the hurt. She doesn't need to see all the bad in the world. I don’t want her to see it. And I promise if I’m around it won’t happen. When she looks back into my eyes she slowly smiles and plants a chaste kiss on my lips, before flipping herself over and settling down into her pillow. A few minutes later I can hear her even breathing and I settle in next to her and drift off.
The next morning I am awoken by the sunlight streaming through her window; and when I turn to look at her she’s still sleeping peacefully. I take this as my chance to drink her in. The way her hair fans out across the pillow and her long , dark eyelashes, the way her rosebud lips are slightly parted and how she hugs the pillow to her face as she sleeps. Her tight tank top that shows off her tightly budded nipples and the hint of toned stomach and creamy skin. This girl is so beautiful, and she doesn’t even know it.
She stirs slightly and turns to face me, her eyes opening slowly. At first she looks shocked, but as she remembers the night before, a smile floods her features.
“Good morning, sunshine” I tell her.
“Mmm, ‘mornin” She replies, groggily.
She wipes the sleep out of her eyes and turns to get up.
“I’ll be right back” she says.
Skylar’s POV
As I get out of bed I glance back at Cole. His hair perfectly mussed and his shirt riding up to show the V in his abdomen. God is he hot. I quickly glance away and head to the bathroom where I do my morning routine. As I walk back into the bedroom, I notice Cole isn’t lying down anymore, instead looking at all the pictures scattered around the room. I hope to God he doesn’t ask about her. I haven’t gotten around to putting away the pictures I have of us together; it’s still too painful. I don’t even think Mom and Dad have cleaned her room. I slowly sneak up to him, grabbing him from the waist and spinning him around so I can kiss him slowly and deeply, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I love the taste of Cole. I know I’m stalling, trying to keep him from snooping any further, but sooner or later he’s going to find out everything, and I’m hoping for the latter.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Nothing to critique about this chapter. All I can say is that you did a fantastic job with the description. I loved it. But... This was a really short chapter.
But... I'm off to go read the next chapter. 
Also, her? I have a feeling this might be Sky's younger sister or something who passed away or something. It could be her friend, too, so I dunno. I'm gonna find out though, right? Hopefully.
Keep on writing!
Hey hey!
.
Her!?!?! Who's her!?!?! Okay, so from chapter two I'm now realizing that Skylar's secret is going to be exposed! I totally forgot about her secret... I was too focused on everything going on with Cole. You are an amazing writer.. you know that?
Okay, I love it when it is in Cole's point of view. I get to see what he thinks and I like to read what he says... He's just smooth. That's how I would describe him. He's smooth. Anyway, I loved when her said that he didn't want her to see the bad in the world. I think that that was one of the sweetest things he has "said" so far. I think that Cole's heart is huge and he would do anything to keep Skylar happy. I think that that is so romantic.
I love the description. I know that I have told you this before... but I have to say that this chapter is full of it and I think that the details just make it that more realistic and a joy to read.
I love how Skylar is so oblivious of her beauty. I think that that's really cute and it shows how innocent she is and how she is humble and I think it reflects a little on how big of a heart she has. Again, she is perfect for him... and she is perfect for her! This story is outstanding.
Okay, now onto the 'her'. This 'her' is someone important to Skylar. I told you I'm not assuming in this story and want to remain surprised, and I will keep my word... but I do have a guess. I think that this 'her' is Skylar's sister who passed away... how? I have no idea. I just know I have to keep reading!
Again great cliffhanger this makes me want to keep reading! I need to know what happens. And about your authors note... I don't care how short the chapter if it's something I will read it
Anyway, I'm onto chapter nine.. the last published chapter as of now... and I'm looking forward to it
Stay classy and write on.
-Annaclare
Hello, it's me again.
Okay, so you're probably wondering why I didn't review the previous chapter. It's because I found nothing wrong with it- if I'd tried to review it I wouldn't have made the word count and would have just been posted as a comment. So well done, you wrote a flawless chapter.
I like the way Cole is thinking about Skylar. How he doesn't want her to be involved in the terrors of his life. It shows how much he actually loves her, even though they only really got into a relationship a little while ago.
I don’t even think Mom and Dad have cleaned her room. I slowly sneak up to him, grabbing him from the waist and spinning him around so I can kiss him slowly and deeply, exploring his mouth with my tongue.
I think that you could make two paragraphs. Split it between 'room' and 'I'.
Okay, so I'm all up to date on this story! I hope you keep writing!
Hi! So I thought it would be stupid to post a reply to every comment you made, so one full one here will do! I REALLY appreciate all the reviews, you've found things that I never even realized! So thank you! I'm extremely glad you like the story so far, I like reading how people feel about the twists and such and it makes me happy to write more! If you'd like I can let you know when another chapter is posted
Again thank you so much <3
Hey there. I haven't read the previous chapters, but I think I have an inkling of what's happening here. xD
I would change the comma between eyelashes and the to a semi-colon or period, so it reads better.As far as teen romance goes, you clearly know what your doing. You captured the moment, and what these characters must be feeling, perfectly.
I have one little grammar nitpick.
In this chapter, especially in the Skylar section, you have a lot of sentences that begin with I. This repetition can make your story a little harder to read. This is a common problem in first person writing, so you're not alone. When someone pointed out to me that I had this problem, I picked up Hunger Games to see how Suzanne Collins will do. I definitely recommend looking at other author's but any first person book will do.
One way to avoid this is to get rid of unnecessary phrases like, I see, I notice, I know, etc... In first-person writing, whenever a character mentions something, we know that they see, or hear, or notice, or know it without you telling us. So, usually, when you cut them out, it still makes sense. Notice the word, usually. There are times when they are needed for clarity's sake, so always read the sentence without them before you delete it make sure it still makes sense.
Here's just a quick example:"I can see her move down and glance at the cuts around my face, my arms." becomes, "She moves down and glances at the cuts around my face, my arms.
And that's all I got. I like the way you structured the conflict. I'm assuming this is the couple we've wanted to together and they finally have. You've given some sweet and sensual moments, while also noting the problems that still exist in their lives and relationships. Well done.
Thanks for sharing!
You know you love me, xoxo
Artemis
(Sorry I couldn't resist xD)
You know you love me
I can see her move down and glance at the cuts around my face and my arms. (a bit smoother)
When she looks away she gets this pained look in her eyes that I hate. I want to take the hurt away. She doesn't need to see all the bad in the world; I don’t want her to see it. And I promise if I’m around it won’t happen. (slight rewording)
The next morning the sunlight streaming through her window wakes me. When I turn to look at her she’s still sleeping peacefully. (I felt like the ands were cluttered, but you can keep them in if you want)
The way her hair fans out across the pillow and her long , dark eyelashes,(what about her eyelashes?) the way her rosebud lips are slightly parted and how she hugs the pillow to her face as she sleeps.
As I walk back into the bedroom, I notice Cole isn’t lying down anymore, instead he's looking at all the pictures scattered around the room. (reads better)
I slowly sneak up to him, grabbing him from the waist and spinning him around so I can kiss him slowly and deeply, exploring his mouth with my tongue. (too many slowlys)
~~
I found your prose strong and enjoyable to read. The vocabulary was strong. I can tell that these two care about each other and the bit about her sister is interesting. Keep up the good work.