The drive home was a blur. All I could think about was Cole. I could feel something burning deep inside my belly. All I know is that I needed to see him again. As we pulled into the driveway I felt uneasy. Like I hadn't seen my own home in forever.
My house was an old-style victorian home. Two stories, wrap around porch and a cream color. As I walked up the narrow path I stepped on the stairs which creaked under my weight. Once I stepped in, right in front of me was the large staircase leading to the upperlevel. To my left was the living room complete with a black leather sectional sofa, table, area rug and flat screen. To my left was the dining room, which was only used on special occasions. Next to the dining room was the kitchen we we spent most of our time eating.
"Sweetie, we are going to make dinner, do you want anything?" My mother asked.
"No thanks, not hungry."
"Oh okay, well I will leave you some anway in case you change your mind."
See, here's the thing with my mother. She'll do things out of the kindness of her heart even if the person couldn't care less. I watched my mother and father make there way to the kitchen and decided it was time for a nap.
I climbed the steps to my room and opened my door. Something was not right. I heard a slight knock on the door and whipped my head around, only to see Cole. My heart pounded so hard I thought it was going to come out of my chest.
"What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in? How do you know where I live?" I screamed
"To see you. Your mother. The phonebook." He stated, calmly.
"Smart ass."
"Can I sit down?" He asked.
"I guess."
He grabbed my computer chair, swung it around and plopped down. His arm muscles rippling. God he was hot. I sat down on my bed and for a few moments we just stared at each other. Finally he broke the silence.
"Sorry about earlier." He said
"Can I ask you what compelled you to do that?"
"No clue, but Sky, there is something about you. I need to get to know you more."
And truth is, I wanted to get to know him. In every way. So, that was that, he sat on my bed and we talked. This complete and total stranger who saved my life, kissed me, and followed me home was now sharing his deepest secrets, and I, mine.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hey gossipgirl!
Time for me to read the next chapter!
Oooh, she's home now! Finally. And a Victorian - sweet! Just, capitalize the "v".
Okay, now, I like how you describe the house, but it'd be SO MUCH MORE nicer if you had showed us, not told us. Know what I mean? Like maybe if you had said:
"I stepped into the living room that was complete with a black leather sectional sofa, table, area rug and flat screen."
And then in some other places, when Sky DOES go to the other parts of the house, show your readers how the place looks like then. If this doesn't make sense, I totally understand. Just tell me wherever you got lost.
That last word is supposed to be two different words. "Upper level".
The bold word is missing a letter. It's supposed to be "anyway".
The bold word is spelt in correctly. I know what you mean, but it's not the correct word to use in this context. It's supposed to be "their".
Punctuation mark at the end of this entire quote.
The bold word is two different words. Also, I love how he answered every single one of Sky's answers. LOL.
Punctuation mark at the end of this quote.
Anyways, it was a delight to read this chapter! I can't wait to know more about this Cole dude. I hope this review helped. I'm off to read the next chapter! Of course, if you've got questions, feel free to ask. You're doing a great job!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Hey hey!
. I want to know! I need to know!!! I hope in chapter four they mention them... so yeah I got something else that makes me keep reading.
Yeah, so I think that as I read more and more I start to get a little more hooked. It's like this story you have written is so compelling that my mind has to read more and evaluate it and enjoy it. If you can't tell I really like this story.
Right now, I feel like I'm starting to get to know the characters better, and I really like that. I'm starting to see little things that I like about each of these characters. One thing I love about Skylar is that she seems independent and strong willed. She says things like it is, and that makes her a little more relatable and that girl you want to be because she's not afraid to say things other people are afraid to. Please don't feel offended if I'm totally off, besides it's only the third chapter... I still have time to get to know them.
One thing I love about Cole is that he is driven. I just feel like he follows his heart. He doesn't second guess his feelings and does what they tell him to do. He is also a fighter, he wants Skylar and will doing anything to make him hers. Again, don't be mad if I'm wrong... it's just my view. And I have a feeling I'll be learn more about him too.
I remember in my first review I said I will not assume and will remained surprised. Now, I want to stay true my word... and I will, but I do have a hope. I really want to know what these secrets are. You know, the secrets the two of them were talking about
The only problem I saw was that there were some commas missing, but I really don't care because I'm more about the story than the punctuation. You are smart enough to fix that, but I understand if you don't now, I mean you have to keep writing
I love this story and I think that you have yet again found a way to keep me reading
Stay classy and write on.
-Annaclare
Hello, I'm back!
All I know is that I needed to see him again.
Your tenses are conflicting again. You can make it all I knew is that I needed to see him again or all I know is that I need to see him again.
I couldn't find any other nitpicks at all. I'm just wondering why she lets Cole stay in her house? I mean, how did he even get inside in the first place? Wouldn't the door have been locked? And it's extremely creepy and wrong to just be in someone's house before they even get home. If she doesn't kick him out because she wants to get to know him more, say that earlier, not in the last sentence.
Apart from that I did enjoy the chapter. It was cool to learn about her house and how rich (I assume they're rich) her family is. It was also good to learn a bit about her parents.
Hey there. So for a story that's titled "Finding Destiny", I was expecting it to be a profound study on someone deciding to find their way in life. What I'm getting here isn't that. A big problem is this doesn't really have much conflict. Don't you think the protagonist should be a little weary and confused about Cole? What are her thoughts and feelings towards him? You say that the protagonist wants to get to know him, but why? I'm sure there's more of it than him just saying her life, otherwise they won't be making an effect to keep in contact after the incident.
I also would like to know more about the protagonist. You say she lives in an old-style Victorian house, but what else is there to her? Also Cole, who is he besides someone that randomly rescued her? Drop some hints.
I don't know if you read the other chapters, I think it goes into more detail on everything. Since it's only the beginning I don't want to give too much away. But I will take your comments into consideration! Thanks c:
awww, that was the most amazing ending of the chapter ever
i loved it keep up the good work.
in my opinion it was flawless
adelina
I am so so so glad you liked it! Going to try and write the fourth chapter soon! Would really love if you could read it c:
Wow, back with the third part huh? Well then here I am once again!
Hopefully you don't find my critiquing too harsh for this. 
I think a full stop would make everything change here. 
I really enjoy this. I mean, from the first part to this one now. It doesn't get boring or repetitive, and you're springing up new surprises for the reader!
First of all, this really could be much longer. What do I mean by that? Firstly, your sentences felt too rushed, the progression from one scene to another was complete in just a few sentences. It throws the reader from this point to that point. One big tip here, employ more description in your story. You said in the first paragraph, "we pulled into the driveway". Who was in the car? Did your parents say anything? And also, for the rest of the story, there doesn't seem to be anyone else except for Cole and Skylar. Where did her parents go to?
Straightaway, you jump to Skylar entering her room. What about her house, what did it look like? I think that Skylar would look around her house for a little, that usually gives the reader an imagery of what the house looks like. We like to see things from the story as a picture, especially when it comes to scenery/houses. It's always good to describe it.
"To see you, your mother, the phonebook." He stated, calmly.
Alright this sentence was unintended humor I believe, just like the last one. And that, is why punctuation is so very important. How I interpret this, Cole went to her house to see her, her mum, and her phone book too??
I'll go a little into character here. Both Skylar and Cole, to me, don't have a uniqueness to their character. Sure, Skylar may be feeling a little confused, or emotional. But that's all I can gather. What's her true colors? Is she the type that would openly welcome a guy into her house? Or would she fly into a mad rage? For Cole however, seems to be the quiet and shy guy, after all the dialogue for him is pretty short. He seems to have the kind of confident character though. Seeing as he barged into Skylar's room without her permission. What I hope to see however, is Cole opening up slowly to Skylar, maybe, and vice versa.
You have a great story developed up to this point, keep it up!
Cheers, Lycando!
Well, my comment got deleted lol so as I said before I do agree with you on the length. Which is why I added a bit more description. I also changed the sentence that Cole says, to make it make more sense. I think I'm going to save the background on their characters until the next chapter. I think you'll love the things I come up with. I'm glad you like it so far c: