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Wetfire-Chapter Four

by foxmaster


courtesy from Fine Art America

                                                        Chapter Four

"WHAT???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled someone. "WHAT IS GOING ON?! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!" Everybody was panicking and running around. Even Silver and Glory had no idea, too. Ten whole minutes ago, five dragons, all from different tribes, went onto the giant cliff and announced a new contest for the queen. 

"WHAT queen?!" asked another dragon. "We already HAVE Queens. Like ME! I AM THE WHOLE ENTIRE BEST QUEEN OUT OF EVERYONE!" Silver looked around and saw Snowfall behind her. 

"SO HAAAAA ON YOU!" This was too much yelling... she decided. "FIRST of all... you have to do a race across the desert lake!" said one of the dragons; he looked like a Seawing. 

"But we already have a queen. Many, in fact." said an Icewing. 

"But, don't you want to be a queen? Or maybe even a magical queen?" asked a Sandwing. Nobody said they wanted magical powers. 

"But magic makes us evil." said Glory. "We all learned that the hard way, remember?" Everyone looked behind them at Peril, the flaming Skywing, who once brought an evil dragon back to life. It was accident, but... still, not many dragons trusted her. 

"THIS type of magic will keep you from turning evil!" said the Seawing. Silver doubted that. She knew all too well that the last time someone claimed their power was safe, they tried to wipe out the entire Icewing tribe. 

"Ah!" she cried out in pain. Suddenly she had a terrible headache, and she had no idea what was going on. A vision? She thought. The last time she had one (not counting the dreams) had been over four years ago. This was not her day. 

"Are you okay?" asked Glory, worried. "I'm fine-" Silver began, (total lie) but then she found that she could barely see anything. Everything was turning dark. 

~~~~

"AAARGH!" Glory yelled, stomping her talons on the dirt. Those sad excuses for dragons were going on about how wonderful and glorious a new queen would be. 

I don't need another matter on my hands today, she thought quite grumpily.  This morning, a Rainwing had choked on a mango, all the Toucans began dive-bombing a group of poor Nightwings, and don't get her started on the hammock incident. Bromeliad was still hyperventilating. 

"Wake UP RIGHT NOW, by the order of ME the QUEEN." Glory shook Silver, but she didn't wake up. Glory knew it wasn't another vision- Silver sure didn't have any powers. 

"Not again." Silver sat up. "The second time I've had this vision!" 

Well, then. Glory was wrong about that. 

~~~

"And so, anyone who wants to join the competition will sign this scroll here, and you're in!" said the Sandwing proudly. 

"Aha!" Decided Glory. "Silver, you should join the competition! You can find out what everyone is planning to get a new queen." Silver groaned. 

"Why me?" she asked, annoyed. 

"No need!" yelled an annoyingly familiar voice. "For that is already my idea!" 

Silver snorted. "You?" she asked, half annoyed, half freaked out. For the dragon who had spoke was Sphinx.  


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Fri Feb 17, 2023 2:19 am
dragonight9 wrote a review...



Wow! So much is happening all of a sudden. Doesn't it just be like that sometimes though?

Silver hasn't even gotten the chance to process her vision before all this commotion suddenly came out of nowhere. And how is Snowfall here all of a sudden? (She's definately pre-seeing ring Snowfall).

Interesting how Silver had the dream then a vision right after. Was it the same thing? Did she speak like Moonwatcher did when she had her vision? Why not?

I guess people have had enough of prophecy right around then but why was Silver hiding her powers? Does her brother know about them?

And again with the dragons thinking power (in this case magic) won't corrupt them. Can't they see that even if the use of magic doesn't corrupt you. Power does. And Animus magic is the greatest power there is. I guess being queen could do the same thing. Hmmm... perhaps a future idea?

There were only two corrections I noticed.
"what everyone is planning to get a new queen" this doesn't sound right. It seemed like you were trying to say "what dragons are planning to get a new queen" or "why everyone is trying to get a new queen"

"Even Glory and silver had no idea, too" You didn't need to put the 'too' in at the end since you already said everyone was panicking.

Again, I love the characters you are building. Glory has mellowed out a lot by the end of Wings of Fire but she still has that grouchy side to her every now and then. And Sphinx is back! Not sure if I should be celebrating though since she's probably going to annoy Silver to no end, even if she has good intentions.




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Sat Feb 11, 2023 3:00 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKay we're really ramping up those visions, although this time the general destruction is a little less but rather it appears we're seeing sort of the start of a set of decisions that will ultimately lead to something bad happening down the line.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"WHAT???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled someone. "WHAT IS GOING ON?! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!" Everybody was panicking and running around. Even Silver and Glory had no idea, too. Ten whole minutes ago, five dragons, all from different tribes, went onto the giant cliff and announced a new contest for the queen.

"WHAT queen?!" asked another dragon. "We already HAVE Queens. Like ME! I AM THE WHOLE ENTIRE BEST QUEEN OUT OF EVERYONE!" Silver looked around and saw Snowfall behind her.

"SO HAAAAA ON YOU!" This was too much yelling... she decided. "FIRST of all... you have to do a race across the desert lake!" said one of the dragons; he looked like a Seawing.

"But we already have a queen. Many, in fact." said an Icewing.


Okay well that is quite the transition to jump into there. Wow. We just go from a mild bit of relaxing and looking ahead to a dangerous apocalypse to now somehow being in the middle of this massive contest for being queen. It definitely looks like something rather dangerous is happening for the dragons to just up and decide to do something like this, especially as the current queens appear to be actively against the idea.

"But, don't you want to be a queen? Or maybe even a magical queen?" asked a Sandwing. Nobody said they wanted magical powers.

"But magic makes us evil." said Glory. "We all learned that the hard way, remember?" Everyone looked behind them at Peril, the flaming Skywing, who once brought an evil dragon back to life. It was accident, but... still, not many dragons trusted her.

"THIS type of magic will keep you from turning evil!" said the Seawing. Silver doubted that. She knew all too well that the last time someone claimed their power was safe, they tried to wipe out the entire Icewing tribe.


Okay and now we just have magic involved as well. I feel like you need a little bit more context for this. We're just jumping right into this with magic appear completely out of thin air with absolutely no warning and it ends up being a bit of a jump scare there. The backstory for magic is also kind of random as a result because it feels like its just being randomly tossed out. So you might want to be careful about that reveal even if it is quite an intriguing one.

"Ah!" she cried out in pain. Suddenly she had a terrible headache, and she had no idea what was going on. A vision? She thought. The last time she had one (not counting the dreams) had been over four years ago. This was not her day.

"Are you okay?" asked Glory, worried. "I'm fine-" Silver began, (total lie) but then she found that she could barely see anything. Everything was turning dark.


Oh dear...well now this is definitely something a lot less sudden and no less powerful in terms of showcasing something quite bad is going on. Wow, Silver really seems to be suffering a lot here for someone that so far hasn't appeared to be directly involved in too many of these problems.

"AAARGH!" Glory yelled, stomping her talons on the dirt. Those sad excuses for dragons were going on about how wonderful and glorious a new queen would be.

I don't need another matter on my hands today, she thought quite grumpily. This morning, a Rainwing had choked on a mango, all the Toucans began dive-bombing a group of poor Nightwings, and don't get her started on the hammock incident. Bromeliad was still hyperventilating.

"Wake UP RIGHT NOW, by the order of ME the QUEEN." Glory shook Silver, but she didn't wake up. Glory knew it wasn't another vision- Silver sure didn't have any powers.

"Not again." Silver sat up. "The second time I've had this vision!"

Well, then. Glory was wrong about that.


Ooooh well it seems its another vision continuing on from what we had earlier. This complicates matters quite a bit. I'd probably first suggest maybe you try to put these visions/dreams in italics so they stand out a little because otherwise its easy to confuse it with the story going on. Besides that though, in this context, this scene is a much more powerful one, building on the tension already there and making us even more vary for the future to come.

"And so, anyone who wants to join the competition will sign this scroll here, and you're in!" said the Sandwing proudly.

"Aha!" Decided Glory. "Silver, you should join the competition! You can find out what everyone is planning to get a new queen." Silver groaned.

"Why me?" she asked, annoyed.

"No need!" yelled an annoyingly familiar voice. "For that is already my idea!"

Silver snorted. "You?" she asked, half annoyed, half freaked out. For the dragon who had spoke was Sphinx.


Okayy well that is quite the reveal. Assume this part is now definitely not a vision, it leaves us with quite a lot to try and unpack there in the form of what's going to happen with this whole new queen business. Definitely seems to build towards quite the climax there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a strong fourth chapter I'd say besides that one little issue with how magic got introduced. Already we're definitely building towards some sort of climax here and I'm very excited to see what more you end up coming up with.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:26 pm
resting wrote a review...



This was an exciting read. I have not read the other parts, I confess, but I will try my best to get round to reading them all at some point.

I like the way you set up this world of dragons and that there are different types of dragon; the Seawing, Icewing, and Sandwing for example. The revelation that the protagonist, Silver, has some sort of magical power where she can have visions does adds to the tension that is built up during these scenes.

This chapter could benefit from some more descriptive scenes where you can describe to us how these dragons look and what differentiates the different types.




foxmaster says...


yeah, I suppose though that this is fanfic of Wings of Fire, so you kind of have to read the whole series to get all the tribes down tho.



resting says...


ah yes I suppose it would make a lot more sense if I'd read the original works aha. I didn't realise it was a fan fiction!



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Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:21 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



Chapter Four begins with a very chaotic scene; the sudden announcement of a new contest to select a queen among the different dragon tribes. This causes a lot of confusion and panic among the dragons. You have effectively conveyed the confusion and urgency of the situation through the dialogue, drawing the reader into the scene.
The use of dialogue between the different dragons highlight the power dynamics and the varying opinions on this new contest and the concept of a new queen. It gives us insight into the politics of this world.
The sudden shift in tone as Silver beings to experience a headache and another vision adds a new layer to the story, creating an ominous foreboding feeling.
The chapter ends with Glory encouraging Silver to join the competition. The appearance of Sphinx raises new questions and uncertainties about the outcome of the contest and the intentions of the different characters.
You have very effectively created a sense of excitement and mystery for the reader, leaving them eager for what's to come next!





Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)