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Wetfire-chapter one

by foxmaster


 *Note: this story is based off of the Wings of fire series, with the same characters (and some of my own) in an alternate universe. Enjoy!* 

                                                                  Chapter One

Silver paused to survey the air around her. It was the middle of the night, although she was not intent on sleeping. In fact, she was quite stressed about her current situation that she just had to get away from it all. Her brother was on guard duty tonight. The stressful part about that was, he might die any second. He had been assigned to guard the worst villain in history; an Animus dragon named Scorch. Last year he had murdered at least six dragons, until he was caught. 

"It looks like it's time to join the world," she said halfheartedly. Slowly, Silver spiraled back down to her cave on the edge of the ocean. Even though she was a Nightwing, she knew she always had some sort of connection with the water... why, she didn't know.

She sat down on the soft sand and it sank beneath her talons, and she could feel the water lapping at the edge of her wings.

"I hope he'll be okay," she said, and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

 The next morning

CRUMBLE! Silver landed on the edge of the mountain, the stone crumbling beneath her talons. She felt a wave of unease sweep over her uncomfortably. She then looked around at the guard dragons, trying to find a familiar face. Until...

"Midnight!

Silver automatically recognized her brother. 

"Silver? Is that you?" asked Midnight carefully. 

"It's me!" she yelled excitedly. "And you're OKAY!!!!" Finally, relief filled her like soothing rainfall.

"Does this mean you can come home now?" she asked hopefully. One month of guarding done. She could spend time with her brother brother again.  Oh, the fish they would eat. But when she spied Midnight's expression, the relief vanished as quickly as it appeared.

"Silver... I can't- I can't go home with you- I have to stay here, as long as it takes. I'm sorry, but the queen asked me to. And that was an offer I couldn't ignore."

Silver stumbled, taken aback. "You... didn't decline?" she asked, tears threatening to rise. 

"I couldn't." said Midnight. 

Silver's heart shattered into a million pieces. She stood up, opened her wings, and flew off, trying not to blurt out what she was thinking.


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Tue Feb 21, 2023 1:43 pm
cosmicsnail30 wrote a review...



Hi there! I'd also like to offer a quick review of this work, despite knowing nothing of the 'Wings of Fire' series.

Most notably, I enjoy that the exposition is quick and snappy. The first paragraph immediately opens with information about Silver's brother and some background context about the fantasy world, but the way it's presented makes it easy to digest.
This chapter is a little short, but I'm already interested in the relationship between Silver and Midnight, even if we hardly know anything about Silver herself.
So, this was an enjoyable sample. Can't wait to read more!




foxmaster says...


thank you:)



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Sat Feb 18, 2023 11:12 am
summerdepressionexe wrote a review...



Hey, I have a quick review for you!
(Just to preface, I've never read Wings of Fire and know barely anything about the books)

I really liked this as a starting point for your story. It gives a great chance to get to know Silver and how she responds to what you have already established as one of her worst nightmares. Additionally, I love the dynamic between Silver and Midnight so far. I can tell that the two really care about each other.
One thing I would work on is that a few things can be phrased a bit better to make them less wordy. For example, when you wrote "He had been assigned to guard the worst villain in history; an Animus dragon named Scorch," I would rephrase that to "He was assigned to guard the worst villain in history, Scorch, an Animus dragon." PS: I know that's a bit nitpicky, so I apologize about that.
(If you are planning to only write this for Wings of Fire fans, ignore this upcoming paragraph) Additionally, it's a bit hard to fully understand when you are unfamiliar with the Wings of Fire universe. I know that was not your target audience, but I would consider adding little pieces of world-building as you write the story for those unfamiliar. Maybe explain why Scorch is the absolute worst or how the hierarchy works because I can assure you that people would be interested to know.
Anyways, I liked this chapter and am excited to read more! Have a nice day and keep writing!




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Tue Feb 14, 2023 3:30 am
dragonight9 wrote a review...



Wooo! Can't wait to read another one of your stories, and this looked so well done too!

I just finished the last chapter of Accidental magic and I must say this is a great improvement!

Side note, wings of fire is my favorite series and I'm actually 50 or so chapters into my own book based on wings of fire (though not in the same world). I just haven't posted any of it on the site yet as I have to go back and edit a lot before posting.
(I just realised you reviewed Darkness rising which is a side story of that book so you already have an idea of what I'm talking about)

Anyways, on to this story. I love the introduction to Silver and the implication that she may have mixed heritage because of her love for water, or some kind of connection to it. You also did a great job of really showing her worry and concern for her brother. Almost to the point I'm concerned for her mental health. A very good set up for a journey if something were to happen to Midnight.

Midnight was also well introduced. Even though we only saw a glimpse of him it was easy to see what kind of dragon he is. And perhaps why he worries Silver so much.

Last note, I thought it was very funny that we both choose the name Scorch for our villain.




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Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:01 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



This chapter opening of "Wetfire" provides us a glimpse inside the interesting world of dragons.The protagonist, Silver, is a Nightwing dragon who is concerned about her brother Midnight, who has been assigned guard duty for the worst villain in history, an Animus dragon named Scorch. I am not the biggest reader of fantasy, but this was a really nice introduction to the story and the world. I immediately got a sense of what he dragon's world is like. The chapter effectively builds tension and suspense as the reader is left wondering if Midnight will be okay, ensuring that i will want to read on and find out what happens in the next chapter!

You successfully set up the development of the characters in this chapter and started to showcase their personalities and motivations. Silver is depicted as a caring and loving sister who is deeply concerned with her brother's safety. Midnight, on the other hand, is depicted as a dragon who is dedicated to his duty and is willing to put the needs of his kingdom above his own personal desires. I like the contrast between the two and can't wait to see this relationship develop!




foxmaster says...


awww thanks



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Mon Feb 06, 2023 5:40 am
KocoCoko wrote a review...



Here to review! Fair warning, fantasy stories and that sort are completely out of my usual comfort zone, so if this review gets some things wrong or doesn't understand, do forgive me haha. (also completely blind to the wings of fire, so sorry if there's thing I miss).

The first two paragraphs are a wonderful start! I love the sort of edging mysteriousness, as if the reader doesn't know all that they should, yet still being given enough info to understand the general situation and surroundings.

I do really wonder what Silver was thinking when she meets up with Midnight. Is it true that Midnight says he couldn't decline? Why couldn't he ignore it? It's definitely something that'll keep the reader hooked and questioning, if that's the intention. I do see Silver's actions as a bit childish, though. I can see she loves her brother, but I do have to wonder why she didn't want to ask for more information. Still, I'm not saying this makes her a bad character or anything! I simply just wish to understand her perspective more. I feel a few scenes of the two spending time together before this or a few more lines referencing this and expanding upon Silver's heartbreak could help exponentially.

Overall, a very intriguing start! Can't wait to see where this goes :)))




foxmaster says...


yeah thanks I will try to do that



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Mon Feb 06, 2023 1:54 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Another story, another start. I love the way this one is going too. It looks like we have a slightly more personal note to start as opposed to ghosts and magic but there's enough hints of other dangers and a strong personal turmoil to suck us in right away.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Silver paused to survey the air around her. It was the middle of the night, although she was not intent on sleeping. In fact, she was quite stressed about her current situation that she just had to get away from it all. Her brother was on guard duty tonight. The stressful part about that was, he might die any second. He had been assigned to guard the worst villain in history; an Animus dragon named Scorch. Last year he had murdered at least six dragons, until he was caught.

"It looks like it's time to join the world," she said halfheartedly. Slowly, Silver spiraled back down to her cave on the edge of the ocean. Even though she was a Nightwing, she knew she always had some sort of connection with the water... why, she didn't know.

She sat down on the soft sand and it sank beneath her talons, and she could feel the water lapping at the edge of her wings.

"I hope he'll be okay," she said, and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


Well this is a nice place to start. We've gone and established a rather strong reason to be instantly hooked here because we've got someone waiting on a loved one in a dangerous position and clearly having some trouble sleeping and going about their day normally as a result of it. The fun detail there of the mysterious connection to water is also a nice touch. All in all, a great place to start.

CRUMBLE! Silver landed on the edge of the mountain, the stone crumbling beneath her talons. She felt a wave of unease sweep over her uncomfortably. She then looked around at the guard dragons, trying to find a familiar face. Until...

"Midnight!"

Silver automatically recognized her brother.

"Silver? Is that you?" asked Midnight carefully.

"It's me!" she yelled excitedly. "And you're OKAY!!!!" Finally, relief filled her like soothing rainfall.


Ooooh well it seems these two end up reuniting pretty fast there so perhaps this wasn't quite so dangerous of a situation as it first appeared there. That definitely makes things a little more interesting all over again because now we're dealing with an entirely different scenario for this because Midnight coming back here suggest something has happened with that whole guarding situation.

"Does this mean you can come home now?" she asked hopefully. One month of guarding done. She could spend time with her brother brother again. Oh, the fish they would eat. But when she spied Midnight's expression, the relief vanished as quickly as it appeared.

"Silver... I can't- I can't go home with you- I have to stay here, as long as it takes. I'm sorry, but the queen asked me to. And that was an offer I couldn't ignore."

Silver stumbled, taken aback. "You... didn't decline?" she asked, tears threatening to rise.

"I couldn't." said Midnight.

Silver's heart shattered into a million pieces. She stood up, opened her wings, and flew off, trying not to blurt out what she was thinking.


OOoooh that's a powerful placse to end this chapter. I was expecting danger or this job to end up being our powerful cliffhanger here but this is perhaps about as powerful as it can get here, with the brother choosing not to come home just yet being the powerful moment at the end. I think it hits the hardest because its the easiest to relate to and we can see how much this means to Silver.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, we have ourselves a strong first chapter here. I think it was nice and to the point with what its trying to do and it does that thing which it tries to do quite well there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.
— Flannery O'Connor