Hi again! It's been a while.
Great to see Silver and Snowfall on the same side, though I was a bit surprised by the interaction between Silver and her brother. I get that she's stressed out and all but I would have thought she wouldn't insult the brother she loves so much. I know she was annoyed but it felt like there could have been a bit more build up to this. (like some insults towards her brother in her mind to vent her earlier frustrations)
The other big point is Snowfall's explosion at the end. This really fits her character I feel, and thinking back there was a really good build up to this for her. She is definitely still getting of the trauma of Darkstalker and this just ticks all the same boxes as what he did. Great use of the character!
There were a couple spelling errors in one of Snowfall's yelling sequences. "This is Juat a little..." (misspelled just) "... things I don'tgive a crap about!" (just needed the space there)
Other than that the only other correction was that, at times, it was difficult to understand who was speaking and I had to pause for a moment to understand who said what.
The story overall is progressing really well. It feels like you've settled on the main plot and are growing your characters well. I am excited to learn what happens next.
There are also two other things of note: when two people have opposing views and those views are high stakes (save the world by doing or not doing something) then conflict is sure to escalate.
Second, I am reminded of a quote from Kung-fu panda. "One often meets their destiny on the road they take to avoid it."
I can't wait to see how Snowfall and Silver's actions change the fate of the world for the better... or worse.
Points: 237
Reviews: 82
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