z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Wetfire- Chapter Six

by foxmaster


art by Fuboroo 

Well, then. Thought Silver. A very dramatic day, today is. She was annoyed with herself for trying to save this mystery dragon. She also felt heroic. 

Ha-ha. I am the best hero one has ever seen! 

Silver kept on diving down, down, down to the murky depths of the ocean. She then realized her breath was running out. Of course, she could abandon this mystery dragon, but that's not what a true hero would do, right? Stop falling, you idiot!!!!  She thought. Make me saving you a whole lot easier, and we both won't drown! *Sigh* 

Oh, why did she sigh? Now she lost even MORE air. Aaargh! 

The falling dragon's shape got even closer to her. She could barely make out who it was, but maybe that was just because she was very close to blacking out. Silver cautiously reached out and could feel that she caught the mystery dragon. 

Ha- HA!!!!!! she thought triumphantly. Bet you've never saved anyone, huh, Sphinx? Oh, NO YOU DIDN'T!! She carefully inspected the dragon, and... wait, what?! The dragon was a Leafwing? Yes, after the big plant-vine-war thingy on that other island, all the dragons there had been saved, but, it wasn't like they wanted to explore here. They just hung out ow at their evil-plant-thingy-free island. Then why was this dragon here. 

Silver carefully flew to the ocean's surface as fast as she could. Then, finally, she was out of the water! She breathed in the air like she had never before. Finally!!! Then she looked at the dragon-still out cold. 

"Wake UP stupid," she growled loudly. Then, with no response, she didn't know what to think, honestly. She inspected the Leafwing more carefully this time. He/she was a pale green, although was it normal for the wings to be dark purple? Nope, definitely not. This was strange. 

"How can we both get back to land?" she thought. "Fly? Nope, probably not..." Yep, this was a weird day. Suddenly, she had a great idea. She put the Leafwing on her back, carefully. She slowly swam forward. This was going to take a long time, but it was effective.

After about a half-hour of swimming, she finally hit land. Silver was very grateful to be back on the soft sand. She realized that she was the first dragon to get back! 

"She's back? But she was supposed to fly... and who's that?" murmured the crowd. 

"What's going on here?" asked a voice and a Skywing landed next to her. 

"Well, I was flying, and noticed someone just falls into the water, so I go down to get them, and bring them back here," Silver said nervously. 

"And were you coming back, or did you cheat?" asked the Skywing again. Silver felt another wave of annoyance come over her. Why did she cheat? She could have at least got to the island outpost, then come save the dragon! But, said a quiet voice in her head. Then the dragon would be dead.

Oh well, no choice but to lie right now. "I was coming back." Silver was surprised how easily the lie came out of her mouth. That shouldn't happen!

"Well, then that's good. we wouldn't want you to cheat," said the Skywing menacingly. gulp.

"Why is a Leafwing here?!" asked another dragon, pushing to the front. it was a Seawing. Her name was Kelp, and she was an author, just like the Queen Coral had been. 

"Leafwings shouldn't be here! They should be at their island!" 

"That is true..." said a Sandwing. "How strange."

"That's IT!" yelled the Skywing. "Queen Glory, get this dragon to the Rainforest, I'm sure you can do something-maybe Tsunami can help. Everyone else, stay where you are! The others still need to finish the race!" 

"Yes, SIR!" everyone echoed loudly.

"Good!" said the Skywing, and Silver walked over to him. 

"Can I go to the rainforest, to see what's going on?" she asked. 

"yes, yes, go. Just remember that the next challenge is in one week." said the Skywing.

"Yes, SIR!" said Silver, only because it seemed appropriate. 

She landed on the rainforest floor softly, and looked around. 

"Hey, Silver! That's your name right?" asked a voice. She turned around and saw Snowfall there, behind her.

"Yeah, it is-I thought you knew me." she said, a bit annoyed. 

"Yeah, yeah, good for you." said Snowfall. "ANY-way, that mystery dragon, right?"

"Yeah..." said Silver. What did the Icewing queen mean? and why was she in the rainforest? 

"He want talk to you-something about the end of the world? And visions? I have NO idea." 

Uh-oh... were those visons/dreams Silver had been having were actually going to come true? Was the end of the world really going to happen? 


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
100 Reviews

Points: 3076
Reviews: 100

Donate
Sat Feb 18, 2023 4:58 am
dragonight9 wrote a review...



Even more intrigue. Good build up.

This was great. Even more character building for Silver. Tsk, tsk for lying though. Lol.

The grammar seemed a bit off in a few places in this one. "He want talk to you" for example.

Other than that though good dialog. Wings of Fire has always been more heavy on talking than action, and you've followed that style really well.

I now know about when in the timeline this is, which answers a question I had earlier. Good job.

The Icewings seem to be acting suspicious and now the Leafwings are involved.

I'm interested in why you labeled Kelp but not the Sandwing or Skywing. Perhaps she will be more important in the future?

I like how Silver is asking questions like why the Snowfall is in the rainforest and what she meant. It really helps the reader zero in on the kinds of things they should be wondering as well. And it builds anticipation of getting answers in the future.

Overall, it still feels like this is the start of a much grander story. There are so many ways you could go from here and I can't wait to read what happens next.
(Side note: I find it very difficult to get into new books or series, but I'm actually excited for this one. This is the only story on this site that has made me feel this way so far. I hope you find some encouragement in that. Don't rush it. I'd much rather a good chapter once a year than a poor one every week.)




User avatar
4346 Reviews

Points: 304732
Reviews: 4346

Donate
Thu Feb 16, 2023 11:54 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a lovely new chapter here. This mysterious dragon definitely has been far more intriguing than I expected at first and things are definitely getting serious now. I love how you've set it all up here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Well, then. Thought Silver. A very dramatic day, today is. She was annoyed with herself for trying to save this mystery dragon. She also felt heroic.

Ha-ha. I am the best hero one has ever seen!

Silver kept on diving down, down, down to the murky depths of the ocean. She then realized her breath was running out. Of course, she could abandon this mystery dragon, but that's not what a true hero would do, right? Stop falling, you idiot!!!! She thought. Make me saving you a whole lot easier, and we both won't drown! *Sigh*

Oh, why did she sigh? Now she lost even MORE air. Aaargh!


Well this is interesting. I wasn't expecting to see Silver have an opinion quite like that about this dragon, but I suppose it does make sense. And you're doing a pretty solid job of establishing exactly what this situation was like and injecting a bit of tension into the whole thing with the mentions of air running out being a problem.

The falling dragon's shape got even closer to her. She could barely make out who it was, but maybe that was just because she was very close to blacking out. Silver cautiously reached out and could feel that she caught the mystery dragon.

Ha- HA!!!!!! she thought triumphantly. Bet you've never saved anyone, huh, Sphinx? Oh, NO YOU DIDN'T!! She carefully inspected the dragon, and... wait, what?! The dragon was a Leafwing? Yes, after the big plant-vine-war thingy on that other island, all the dragons there had been saved, but, it wasn't like they wanted to explore here. They just hung out ow at their evil-plant-thingy-free island. Then why was this dragon here.

Silver carefully flew to the ocean's surface as fast as she could. Then, finally, she was out of the water! She breathed in the air like she had never before. Finally!!! Then she looked at the dragon-still out cold.


Well that's an interesting one. I feel like explaining what seems like a pretty important war in this world as just as the plant something something is a bit too dismissive but its also hilarious and I kind of love it. Mixed feelings on that one. Besides that though, I think you've put together a pretty solid little reveal there on this new Leafwing character.

"Wake UP stupid," she growled loudly. Then, with no response, she didn't know what to think, honestly. She inspected the Leafwing more carefully this time. He/she was a pale green, although was it normal for the wings to be dark purple? Nope, definitely not. This was strange.

"How can we both get back to land?" she thought. "Fly? Nope, probably not..." Yep, this was a weird day. Suddenly, she had a great idea. She put the Leafwing on her back, carefully. She slowly swam forward. This was going to take a long time, but it was effective.

After about a half-hour of swimming, she finally hit land. Silver was very grateful to be back on the soft sand. She realized that she was the first dragon to get back!

"She's back? But she was supposed to fly... and who's that?" murmured the crowd.

"What's going on here?" asked a voice and a Skywing landed next to her.


Ooooh well this is interesting. That seems like a smart decision there to swing back. Trying to fly from that position with another dragon in two definitely doesn't seem like it would have ended too terribly well there. However, it also looks like Silver swam right back to main island, which does make sense if she wanted to help out this Leafwing but its going to complicate matters for that race.

"Well, I was flying, and noticed someone just falls into the water, so I go down to get them, and bring them back here," Silver said nervously.

"And were you coming back, or did you cheat?" asked the Skywing again. Silver felt another wave of annoyance come over her. Why did she cheat? She could have at least got to the island outpost, then come save the dragon! But, said a quiet voice in her head. Then the dragon would be dead.

Oh well, no choice but to lie right now. "I was coming back." Silver was surprised how easily the lie came out of her mouth. That shouldn't happen!

"Well, then that's good. we wouldn't want you to cheat," said the Skywing menacingly. gulp.


Well that definitely doesn't seem like it will end well. Silver choosing that particular route to escape from the issue of the race potentially not being completed is going to cause some sort of trouble if this ends up being revealed later, especially given how seriously some of the dragons appear to be taking this particular race.

"Why is a Leafwing here?!" asked another dragon, pushing to the front. it was a Seawing. Her name was Kelp, and she was an author, just like the Queen Coral had been.

"Leafwings shouldn't be here! They should be at their island!"

"That is true..." said a Sandwing. "How strange."

"That's IT!" yelled the Skywing. "Queen Glory, get this dragon to the Rainforest, I'm sure you can do something-maybe Tsunami can help. Everyone else, stay where you are! The others still need to finish the race!"

"Yes, SIR!" everyone echoed loudly.

"Good!" said the Skywing, and Silver walked over to him.

"Can I go to the rainforest, to see what's going on?" she asked.


Okay...well that's an interesting reaction there. It looks like at least for the moment Silver is going to get away with this and this Leafwing is going to get a bit more of an investigation by the other dragons from the looks of things. This Leafwing does feel like they will be at least somewhat important in this story.

"yes, yes, go. Just remember that the next challenge is in one week." said the Skywing.

"Yes, SIR!" said Silver, only because it seemed appropriate.

She landed on the rainforest floor softly, and looked around.

"Hey, Silver! That's your name right?" asked a voice. She turned around and saw Snowfall there, behind her.

"Yeah, it is-I thought you knew me." she said, a bit annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah, good for you." said Snowfall. "ANY-way, that mystery dragon, right?"

"Yeah..." said Silver. What did the Icewing queen mean? and why was she in the rainforest?

"He want talk to you-something about the end of the world? And visions? I have NO idea."

Uh-oh... were those visons/dreams Silver had been having were actually going to come true? Was the end of the world really going to happen?


Well...that's quite the ending there. The way you tie in the already intriguing visions to now elevate it all into yet another cliffhanger is very nicely done there. It definitely leaves us thinking this Leafwing is both very important and somehow able to see visions too. I can't wait to see what happens next from here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think you've really done well to set up what seems like quite the climax here with these visions and this Leafwing. I think the whole race ended up a little cheated is also going to hang over Silver's head for sometime here. Let's see where this goes next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





The Twelve Makeovers of Haircules is the stuff of legend. He defeated the Erymanthian Beard. One could say it was a hair raising adventure.
— KateHardy