z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Wetfire-chapter 10

by foxmaster


Silver stared at the cave around her. She felt cold, very cold. (Although that might just have been Snowfall standing right next to her.) 

"Whoa, Snowfall, what did you do?" asked Silver. She tried to mask her evil gleefulness, as that would have made her an extremely bad dragon. She shouldn't have enjoyed when her friend yelled at her brother, but he personally deserved it... right? 

"You know," said Snowfall. "How everyone always says that I'm a loud person and a terrible queen?"

"Well, yeah..." said Silver. "But I don't think that." Snowfall smiled.

"That's nice of you to say," she said. 

"well..." said a scratchy voice from the far side of the cavern. The two dragons quickly turned around to face whoever was talking to them. Silver lit some fire and the cavern immediately filled with a ghoulish glow. Silver gasped when she saw who was speaking.

It was Scorch.

The dragon grinned at them from behind what looked like a giant force-field. "What do we have here?"

Silver was feeling so numb from terror that her heart threatened to beat right out of her chest. Snowfall, meanwhile? She looked fine. It's either this or the world ends, she decided. So I'd rather do this. The rational part of her brain argued right back. This dragon could crush you with a sweep of his tail! Silver tried her best to ignore that part, mildly succeeding. 

Scorch smiled. "Why are you here?" he asked. 

"B-b- because," said Silver, and the evil animus dragon seemed  to read her mind. "I'm behind this shield, I can't do anything," he assured. It helped a bit, but not much.

"You're going to end the world!" Spat Snowfall, and swept her tail across the room angrily. She accidentally knocked over Silver, who bonked into the force field. It crackled, and then fell away.

"Wait- what?" asked Silver. "You have special powers." said Scorch coldly. "And you have freed me."

Suddenly, an unseen force slammed the two dragons into the wall, while Scorch cackled manically. 

"You just did the opposite of what you were trying to do!" he laughed, and then he flew up into the air, right while Silver fainted.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
100 Reviews

Points: 3676
Reviews: 100

Donate
Thu Jun 08, 2023 4:37 am
View Likes
dragonight9 wrote a review...



Hi again,

It's been a long time since my last chapter of Wetfire. Nice cliffhanger.

I love prophecies in stories. One of my favorite lines about them is "one often meets their destiny on the road they take to avoid it," and that was personified perfectly here.

First of all, I really liked how you set the tone of this chapter by describing how cold Silver felt standing in the cave of a powerful and evil dragon, and also her feeling at seeing her brother getting yelled at.

You really nailed the intimidation from Scorch here. I could totally see him emerging from the shadows in his jail cell.

Your description of the intimidation Silver felt was also very good and I was right there with her.

I'm surprised Midnight didn't follow them inside. Perhaps you could mention that he was to awkward about what the queen said in the previous chapter to intervene.
I would also love to know what that barrier was and how they trapped Scorch in there.

At the end Scorch didn't speak so did he already enchant himself with lots of powers? If you are using the fact he is Animus to just make him all powerful just be careful that you stick to the rules Animus dragons follow. (Such as having to enchant an object not simply being able to do whatever they want) And giving an explanation for each of his powers can really draw your reader in.




foxmaster says...


thanks!



User avatar
79 Reviews

Points: 7948
Reviews: 79

Donate
Tue Apr 11, 2023 1:11 am
cookiesandcream123 wrote a review...



Ohh yes, I remember this story!! Really good job on this chapter as well, I love the figurative language and the twist at the end. Poor Snowfall and Silver just accidentally freed that bad guy lol X_X
I also like that the reader gets to hear Silver's thoughts here; it's funny how Silver was panicking while Snowfall seemed totally calm. Keep up the great work!




User avatar
4226 Reviews

Points: 290766
Reviews: 4226

Donate
Thu Apr 06, 2023 10:16 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite the chapter. We had our little moment of respite there to process that whole shouting match followed by perhaps the most dangerous moment that we've had so far. Quite the combination there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Silver stared at the cave around her. She felt cold, very cold. (Although that might just have been Snowfall standing right next to her.)

"Whoa, Snowfall, what did you do?" asked Silver. She tried to mask her evil gleefulness, as that would have made her an extremely bad dragon. She shouldn't have enjoyed when her friend yelled at her brother, but he personally deserved it... right?

"You know," said Snowfall. "How everyone always says that I'm a loud person and a terrible queen?"

"Well, yeah..." said Silver. "But I don't think that." Snowfall smiled.


Hmm well that's an interesting conversation to start off with there. I wasn't expecting to see something like that after the explosion we saw in the previous chapter but it is definitely not an unwelcome surprise. Just a great moment that I wasn't expecting to see.

"That's nice of you to say," she said.

"well..." said a scratchy voice from the far side of the cavern. The two dragons quickly turned around to face whoever was talking to them. Silver lit some fire and the cavern immediately filled with a ghoulish glow. Silver gasped when she saw who was speaking.

It was Scorch.

The dragon grinned at them from behind what looked like a giant force-field. "What do we have here?"


Oh okay...well things escalate fast it seems. I thought we might get a little more of a break given where that conversation was going but it seems we're not going to end up being quite that lucky here.

Silver was feeling so numb from terror that her heart threatened to beat right out of her chest. Snowfall, meanwhile? She looked fine. It's either this or the world ends, she decided. So I'd rather do this. The rational part of her brain argued right back. This dragon could crush you with a sweep of his tail! Silver tried her best to ignore that part, mildly succeeding.

Scorch smiled. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"B-b- because," said Silver, and the evil animus dragon seemed to read her mind. "I'm behind this shield, I can't do anything," he assured. It helped a bit, but not much.

"You're going to end the world!" Spat Snowfall, and swept her tail across the room angrily. She accidentally knocked over Silver, who bonked into the force field. It crackled, and then fell away.


Well this is quite the different reactions there. I was expecting both of them to have some form o terror but I love that we've got even Scorch just getting yelled at although I have a feeling he's not going to be quite so scared of all of the yelling.

"Wait- what?" asked Silver. "You have special powers." said Scorch coldly. "And you have freed me."

Suddenly, an unseen force slammed the two dragons into the wall, while Scorch cackled manically.

"You just did the opposite of what you were trying to do!" he laughed, and then he flew up into the air, right while Silver fainted.


Well that went well. Oh dear. That explains why Scorch managed to handle that scolding quite so well. Well I can't wait to see where this leads us. Now we're definitely in a position for this story to really head towards that bigger climax with the potential apocalypse.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a pretty solid chapter yet again. A very exciting chapter in fact, especially with that ending. I can't wait to see what terrible consequences this is now doubt going to lead to.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




foxmaster says...


thank you!



User avatar
119 Reviews

Points: 15592
Reviews: 119

Donate
Wed Apr 05, 2023 11:00 pm
LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi, quick review for this story!
I liked this story a lot! I didn't read the previous chapters, though, so I'm not really sure if this will be the most accurate review. The story had enough detail for the story to make sense, although I feel like you could have added more detail about the cave and what it looked like. Other than that, I hope you continue this story and that I'll be able to read the other chapters.




foxmaster says...


thanks!



User avatar
22 Reviews

Points: 14
Reviews: 22

Donate
Wed Apr 05, 2023 5:51 pm
Razor says...



This is pretty short, however, it is pretty good. This reminds me of WOF. Keep writing!




foxmaster says...


thank you!




Pain is filtered in a poem so that it becomes finally, in the end, pleasure.
— Mark Strand