Smog of disaster and wandering rubble,
beaming torture-scented bubble.
Now there's three - oh wait, there's four!
Smoke alarm's dead at the door,
red light pathetically cleaning the floor.
"It's perfectly safe!" you shriek frantically,
"Nothing on Earth can happen to me!
I'll be just fine and so will you,
the rules just haven't got a clue.
Who on Earth needs safety goggles
in such pleasant times as this?
We're both blessed with perfect vision,
rest assured - this mess is bliss!"
Your lab partner frowns in quiet
and in 'xasperation, sighs;
gently he swings out the door
and out
he
flies.
Traitor, traitor,
plants for hire
(but look, that's
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139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
I like it! Somehow, the rhyming sense and the writing style you used appealed to me at once. Especially the last few lines : (but look, that's YOUR pants on fire). ha!
I also like the rebellious sense of the poem. Just a little thing: You wrote, ''Gently, he swings out the door and out he FLIES". That seems a bit weird. I mean, FLIES?! Hehehe.
Overall, brilliant poem!Thumbs up.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hello, fictional.
First off, this poem is freaking amazing! I love the rhyme scheme and the way it talks about what is going on in a science project.
This poem made me laugh, which is a good thing. Readers need to know that the author has a sense of humor in their writing at times.
My favorite lines were:
" Traitor, traitor,
plants for hire
(but look, that's
your pants on fire)."
Because that's where I laughed the most at. The pants on fire thing really gets people rolling on the floor, laughing their butts off. Haha c:
All in all, this poem deserves a wonderful five out of five! Keep up the good work c:
-K
Thank you for the lovely review!
The first half of that stanza was a direct Spongebob reference!
The world needs more laughter.
This definitely made me laugh, which is hard to do since I'm pretty cynical sometimes.
The subject matter is always going to be interesting, and I can think of quite a few books I've read that this reminds me off, so instantly I liked it because of that.
As the writing is concerned, you did a good job of portraying that out of control, wacky, weirdo feel that I get when I think about science experiments. I'm not picture a little space mobile that spins, I want a prototype shrink ray made from pots and pans and a broken dishwasher.
"the rules just haven't got a clue."
Best line in the poem. I feel like this every time I attempt to complete a project, whatever it be. I follow the rules, but the rules don't follow themselves!
Good work.
Thank you fictional!
Hehe, thanks for the review! Funny, it's almost like you read my mind, as to the weirdo feeling and everything. It was exactly my intention. (Do you ever get the urge to spell read "red" when it's in the past tense?)
What, it has an 'a' in it?
I do stuff like that all the time.
haha
Wow, this is a pretty interesting turn on a science experiment gone bad. In fact, is hilarious. You've got a way with humour in poetry that I can never write. I just really love the language in this, it blended with the message perfectly. This poem while funny, had a very realistic and almost swag-ish ring to it. The rhyme, the rhythm everything flows beautifully!
Love the rhyme, love the metaphor. It really made me laugh, 'tortured-scented bubble', gods, how terrible that must smell.
Just hilariously beautiful! Keep up the good work!
-S.s
Thanks for the review - congrats on the 3rd star, by the way
Hahahaa, this is pretty hilarious. The last lines were really good. It was nice when you shortened the lines as the lab partner walked out. I assumed this was going to be about a natural disaster from the beginning, but you turned into realistic hilarity. I have to say, congratulations. I just have one question, though. How does something smell like torture? If it is possible, I feel like it would be pretty gross.
Thank you
That was meant to be a metaphor - use your imagination
haha okay