I paid Memory a visit,
deep in the crannies of the mind -
I could only find her slightly.
-
Somehow I had disremembered
where I vainly abandoned her last,
Sure that we were lost.
-
I recollected that it wasn't so,
And - joy! - met my Memory again,
a seventh-of-a-fortnight ago.
-
She was somewhere over there…
-
Have you seen my Memory lately?
Life’s been bothering me a bit.
Without her you can't have much
Of a thought at certain times;
And when you do, you forget
What you had meant to mean.
-
And that's what I have done right now,
I can’t recall your name or mine -
nothing ever comes to mind
(except for dust and unibrows).
-
But in any pointless case,
Have you seen my Memory lately?
Have you seen my Memory lately?
Did I fail to ask you thrice?
-
We need her, of course we do;
But if I merely think I thought
(I thought I really did),
I must know that stubborn thought.
I will reminisce the view
and revoke poor Memory too.
-
How can you retain a thought
But lose sight of Memory still?
We apes accomplish wondrous things,
Not all of them convenient.
-
Next time you pay your brain a visit,
Look for your livelihood.
She's on the milk cartons
In the department stores
Right down the street,
Under Memory Lane -
Just kidding, she's on
Hopeless Boulevard
(with you to blame).
-
Memory's image is not too bright
And outperforms the Sun.
Maybe she doesn't exist at all
But deserves to, doesn't she?
-
Rediscover the forgone puppy
Strangled, stranded in innocent rain -
If we don't retrieve her soon,
Brainstorming won’t do any good.
-
At least I can now elicit
That my Memory is lost;
But if I can still remember,
Then she isn't not un-lost!
-
How do we keep any sense
If our Memories stay lost
And we bethink that they aren't?
-
Was that supposed to rhyme?
I don't know.
At least I didn't type
"remember" again.
-
You remember,
don't you?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
woops. I almost copyed my recent review to this one. That is why i have written this apology. My bad
ok fictional (i got your name right
) let me recollect my brain and try to puzzle my way through this big poem of defiling. First off have you been expecting me 
i know i have (what?) Ok lets get down to business.
I would like to say that this is wonderfully confusing. Again, its wonderfully confusing, which means i like it but its got my brain in a headlock. I would try making it a teeny bit clearer because (yes i know you have made it specifically to defile brains) some people might find it dense and unclear. Trust me if your poem is dense then you should probably put i on weight watchers (which means you should delete some words and shorten it.) Why yes i know my joke wasn't funny. Anyway moving on.
Ah here we are (were here). Compliments! Spicy! Egoey <--(not a word) I like how you make a story out of your poem even though it is hard to find. I like how you toy with losing and regaining memories, for example when you say, " I paid my Memory a visit,
deep in the crevices of my mind -
I could find her slightly.
I had disremembered
where I abandoned her last
And believed I was lost.
I recollected that I was not,
And - joy! - saw my Memory again. " wow that was not what i expected. <--(this fool thought if he copy pasted a quote it would become normal) I m quite the surprised victim. Anyway I liked how you did this. Very nice. Well goodbye! Have fun and dont forget to eat your broccoli <--(copyright fictional) I've seen your wall XD
Thanks for taking the time to review! That was rather punny of you, actually. (Get it? Pun funny...ha...never mind.)
I will definitely work on this a lot more. Thanks again for the advice, and to all the previous reviewers too! Again! er...never mind.
Hey there, hopeless here I give a review!!
Ok so for me the poem was great its self but there are something's you could do I make it better like maybe fix up the middle and ending. Like it started out great then it got a little hard to read and I had to think about it more than others. And maybe you could put it all Ito stanzas instead of one big poem. But your grammar and punctuation and even spelling is just fine and dandy. The poem was great so bravo to you for that! Any way maybe fix up what I have sujested for you, you don't have to but to me I think it will look better and maybe sound better. But it's your poem not mine!!
Keep writing and stay beautiful!!
~hopeless
Thanks for the advice, it will come in handy
I think the ending could do with some tuning up. Got quite informal in the end.... Which threw me off. At first I thought it was about you in hospital because your mother was injured and you were very upset and sad? And I thought the protagonist was hallucinating and going mad in the hospital haha. I think the memory thing was overused and you could have used more metaphors and similes and strengthen the imagery overall in the poem
I appreciate the critique so much, thank you
I will consider everything you said.