Published April 25, 2020
The rest of the night passed as quickly as a frost bitten breath escaping from a dragon’s mouth. Zoltar could have sworn that he’d closed his eyes for a moment and the sun was up, spreading its golden raze across the snow cloaked tundra.
Blinking in the brightness of the sun reflecting off the perfect white snow fall, Zoltar got to his paws. He yawned. He’d barely had any sleep last night. His limbs were aching from resting on the frozen ground and his eye lids felt like steel weights threatening to slam shut at any second. Shaking his head, he stretched, trying to rid himself of the lingering drowsiness.
“Morning, Zoltar,” a bright voice chirped from behind him. Zoltar looked to find Emerald smiling at him, her scales a flickering blanket of rose and ice blue, “I saw you talk to Felistia last night.”
“You were awake?” Zoltar blinked slowly, before yawning again.
“I heard you whimper and wake up. I presume you had a nightmare. I was about to doze off again when I saw Felistia start to talk to you. How’d it go?”
“Oh right,” Zoltar said, his thoughts starting to clear as he remembered the previous night, “I think it went well. She said she’d help me get to the Ice Talon Palace. You were right. It was better to talk to her.”
Emerald beamed at him, flicking her wings out to shake off the thin layer of snow that had settle on them, “I told you it would be better. On that note though, you said something about me and Shiraku staying here while you go. Would you mind explaining that again? I am fairly new to the outside world thing remember,” she laughed nervously.
“Yes. I did want to talk more about that today, but I think I should wake Shiraku first. No point in explaining myself twice.” Zoltar said, walking over to Shiraku and lightly tapping her on the snout.
The Sea Talon didn’t move. She just flopped a paw over her snout with a groan.
“Get up,” Zoltar growled quietly through gritted teeth as he lightly shoved Shiraku, “I need to talk to you and there’s no point if you’re still asleep, is there?”
“Does it have to be this early?” Shiraku moaned, yawning so wide that Zoltar could see the back of her cavernous throat, “I need my beauty sleep. These bright blue scales don’t stay shiny by themselves.”
“It’s not even that early and no, it can’t wait,” he hissed firmly, dragging Shiraku to her paws.
He waited for her to compose herself as she settled into a sit, a look of deep annoyance written all over her snout.
“This better be important Zoltar,” She growled softly, “Your life depends on it.”
Zoltar shot her a dirty look, “I need you and Emerald to stay here while I and Felistia travel to the Ice Talon Kingdom. I don’t know exactly how long I will be. Hopefully I’ll be back in under a week. If seven days pass and I’m not back, I won’t be coming back.”
Shiraku scowled and barked, “And why wouldn’t you come back?”
“Because I’ll probably be dead. I can’t survive in the type of cold for longer than week. So my point was that if I don’t come back in seven days you need to leave. There’s no point you hanging around here longer than that. “
A look of terror crossed Emerald’s face, “What will I do if don’t come back. I can’t make it back through the maze on my own.”
“I have thought about that and you have two options. You can try to see if the Moon Talons will take you in. They have been known to sometimes take in outsiders with no place to go. Alternatively, you could go to the Forest of Doom. It’s a few miles north from here. It’s a very similar habitat to the one on the island. However that is a worst case scenario. I’m sure I’ll be able to get back,” Zoltar quickly said after Emerald’s scales became a rolling wave of ivory white and pistachio green, “If I can’t get the diamond or feel that I’m in danger I’ll come back, okay?”
“Okay,” Emerald respond, still shaking a little.
“Anyway, in the meantime while I am gone. You can catch food in the Forest or if you head west a bit you’ll find lots of herd animals to hunt as well. I’m sure you’ll be fine without me for a few days.” Zoltar sighed. Somehow this felt more like he was trying to convince himself more then them.
“And Felistia?” Shiraku asked, her voice softer than before.
Zoltar dropped his gaze, “I don’t know about her. All I know is that she’s probably going to seek revenge. I don’t think she’s coming back.”
“Oh,” Shiraku’s wings dropped and after a moment, she asked, “Can I go now?”
Zoltar nodded, watching the Sea Talon as she walked over to Felistia, who was sitting a ways off, staring out over the white wilderness.
Breathing a heave sigh, Zoltar sat down next to Emerald, “I know it’s a scary thought… being on your own out here, but I will make it back okay?” He looked at her, staring deep into her golden eyes, “I mean that.”
“I know you mean it. It’s just….I don’t know….it’s so different from what I’m used to this quest thing you’re on,” She brushed her head against his, resting it on his shoulder, “I knew it was going to be dangerous. It just takes some getting used too. Besides, you’re the best Shadow Talon soldier I know. I’m sure you’ll be fine,” she joked, batting him gently with her wing.
Zoltar laughed. What would he do with out Emerald? He hadn’t had a friend like this in many years. It was good to know there was still someone in the world that cared about him. He’d thought he’d lost that forever when Nira died.
A stab of pain shot through his heart and he had to swallow hard to keep back the emotions. He missed her dearly and only the mission at hand had kept him sane after her passing. There had been nothing left for him. Now look. He had two good friends in Felistia and Emerald. Shiraku although not yet a good friend, he was fond of no matter how painful she was and he had a feeling she felt the same way.
He smiled again. Although life was far from perfect at the moment, it felt like slowly things were falling into place.
“I have to go now,” He said softly, breaking from Emerald’s embrace.
She nodded, wrapping her wings around him and lightly nuzzling the side of his head, whispering, “Be safe out there and come back soon.” she gazed deeply into his swirling amethyst eyes while gently murmuring, “I’ll be here waiting for you.”
“I’ll see you soon.” Zoltar said, before walking up to Felistia. Shiraku had left and was sitting under the tree watching them with saddened eyes.
“You ready?” he asked.
Felistia smiled warmly and brush a wing against his, saying, "As ready as I’ll ever be."
Zoltar grinned. Stepping away from her, he leapt into the frigid morning air, beating his wings as he soared skywards.
With a thundering roar, Felistia joined him in the sky, her shining owl like wings catching the sunlight as they banked towards to swirling snows of the west. They were on their way.
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
Things keep building up! And I can tell the next few chapters will be really crucial for Zoltar's mission and success! There's a lot he'll have to face first though; I have a feeling things are just getting started - with probably a few twists to his original plan.
Emerald and Zoltar have a really strong friendship, and her supporting attitude toward him is pretty admirable! She and Shiraku are great characters and I always look forward to reading their dialog. I love how feisty Shiraku is (I can definitely see Zoltar as an older brother figure for her).
Once again, brilliant metaphors! The chapter opened with; "The rest of the night passed as quickly as a frost bitten breath escaping from a dragon’s mouth." I really like how palpable that image is for readers.
Descriptions like "snow cloaked tundra" or "his eye lids felt like steel weights threatening to slam shut at any second" added a lot of creative depiction. The ending was strong and had that great heroic vibe to it. I'm so excited to see what's next.
Great writing!
~Spider~
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)
One third done(Yaay!!!)
First Impression: Time for part two of the quest. Looks like it is going to be good although it might be over fairly soon because I'm sure you're not going to just leave Emerald and Shiraku behind.
I think that's rays.
I though he yelled not let out a whimper.
Why would she even remotely think that going back was an actual option considering what's waiting in store for her back there?
I thought she'd want to sleep more but I guess she wanted to interrogate Felistia.
Good little bonding scene there.
He said the cursed words that you never say in the middle of a story. Now it looks like things are about to get bad. Very bad.
And off we go. Time to learn stuff about Felistia and check my theories.
Overall: Nice segment showing how close Emerald and Zoltar are getting. So they will be hanging around for a week and I assume that point is not cold enough trouble them.
Okay I'm moving to that next chapter. As always take what you think was useful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you again for another review. I love hearing some of your reactions. You get a laugh out of me every now and then.
Your Welcome!!!
And good to see you get a laugh out of those!!
I am so saddened that Emerald and Shiraku are just going to be left behind.
I really hope they have a little more purpose than that, considering the trouble they had flying off the island. Plus, I love Emerald and Shiraku. Especially Shiraku. 
Her personality is so refreshing and unique compared to Emerald and Felistia.
Well, I hope we make new friends then. OR SOMETHING HAPPENS AND THEY END UP COMING ALONG ANYWAY. Yes. Yes that would be good.
I wonder what Felistia said to Shiraku, if she was just as curt with her as she was with Zoltar. I feel like Shiraku might have offered to tag along despite what Zoltar said, so it's curious.
Emerald is VERY trusting. I have decided as such after this chapter now. Despite how uneasy she is, she didn't really fight the idea of staying behind at all. Like I said earlier, I don't know if she's in too much danger, or maybe she could at elast survive a few days as opposed to Zoltar's week? I'm just not sure how the cold really affects each of their bodies to really know.
Also, no one seems to bat an eye when Zoltar makes the plans. There's no challenge or willingness to improve on the plan, they're just like okay. we will survive for a week then. I kinda would have liked to see more of a group-effort in planning the next step in their quest. I don't think Zoltar has ever really flexed that kind of leadership role before, so it IS kinda exciting to see him fill that role so easily, but it's definitely very clear that they all just accept Zoltar as their leader.
gosh I hope Shiraku ends up sneaking after them (unless, of course, the cold is fatal for her ahaha though that could be interesting conflict).
I look forward to reading more! I'm just so curious about so many things and I hope it all turns out okay!!
Thank you for another review. Shiraku and Emerald won't stay out of the story for long. They're quite key to the plot later on. For now that it will be just Felistia and Zoltar.
Emerald and Shiraku aren't really giving much to the plans mainly because they're out of their comfort zone. Emerald's never been off the island and doesn't know much about this outside world and Shiraku has only been of the island with her dad (who died on the island).
Anyway look forward to more of your reviews when I write the next chapters.
well weeee! felistia and zoltar are off on their adventure! i can’t wait to see what happens next!
that could probably just end the whole plot. anyways, i’m wondering if you’re going to just focus on zoltar or are you going to also give little updates about shiraku and emerald where they were left behind and about felistia when she goes off on her own. that would be really cool! but more work i guess haha.
emerald and zoltar’s relationship is the cutest honestly! i still have no idea how those two met, but they seem to have been friends for a long time. i should probably look at your profile and see if you have any other works haha.
i really hope zoltar survives and doesn’t die.
keep up the amazing work!! ( ^ω^ )
~laynie <3
Howdy! I'm just your local Gryffindor here to give you a review.
First, I just want to point out a few grammar errors:
-"its golden raze" Rays, not raze
-"Blinking in the brightness of the sun reflecting off the perfect white snow fall," This statement collude definitely used a comma or two. Writing long, adjective-filled sentences with little to no commas makes your audience feel like they're reading a list rather than a story. This happens a couple times, but I only wanted to use one example for each.
-"I presume you had a nightmare." Presumed, past tense is important.
-"He’d barely had any sleep last night. His limbs were aching from resting on the frozen ground and his eye lids felt like steel weights threatening to slam shut at any second." This has a couple issues, The first section is choppy, and you should've strung the two ideas together, as they are related. The second section is, again lacking commas. Small details make a big difference in the overall reading experience.
These were the only major issues I could find, and they both happened a couple times. The story itself was great, and the characters and world building were very intriguing. To remedy the grammar issue, I'd just suggest reading out loud, or having a friend read it and mark all the mistakes they find. Proofreading is important! I hope I was able to help you
Hi! It’s AngelLily for a review!
Happy review day! Okay, so I haven’t read the others chapters, but I really liked this one. The flow and dialog was pretty good. I did notice that you didn’t indent anything, so you may want to check that out. You can press the tab button on your computer or do 5 spaces, it’s the same either way.
I noticed in this sentence: “Zoltar could have sworn held closed his eyes for a moment and the sun was up, spreading its golden raze across the snow cloaked tundra.” That “raze” is supposed to be “rays”
I liked your dialog between the characters. It really moved the story along. I didn’t really notice any grammar mistakes other than the ones I mentioned. I like your writing style, and I urge you to continue writing. Good job!
Have a good day and Keep writing!
~AngelLily 😇