Demon Soul

This is an incredibly brilliant work, in my opinion, Em! It's really beautiful with the comparison and relationship between the angel and the demon. (I think I kinda see your mind-view behind it too)

The first line involving the demon completely changed the feel and mood of the poem and your writing style also changed... but I'll leave all that stuff to everyone else!

You are an amazing poet and writer! If only I could read it and talk about it more often

Mith

I found this very interesting to read and I liked how you took a widely used comparison and made it unique. I enjoyed how even though of the length and repetition that it kept me entertained the entire time. Your choice of words were well thought out and went smoothly as I read it. In conclusion I give it a 4.5/5. (I never go above that score, I don't believe anything is perfect but close.)

I think this is an interesting concept and there are some good images. However, I think the rhyme without meter detracts from the poem, as does the random use of exclamation points. The line breaks are all over the place, which is distracting when combined with a rhyme scheme. It also limits your word choice and ability to create interesting images. Rhyming poems can work well, but I think the structure of this piece would make more sense in free verse.

I'm intrigued by the demonic narrator and his desire for the angel and I think the piece could be improved by expanding on the storyline. What exactly does he do to people? How did he end up a demon (after all, demons are traditionally fallen angels)? What about this angel caught his eye? Has he actually spent time with the angel or is this just a love from afar? Does his love for the angel change anything about his demonic tendencies? The poem doesn't have to answer all these questions, but showing us more about the demon and angel would make it more interesting and powerful to the reader.

That said, there's a cool story here, and I really like the last four lines. Keep writing!