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140,733 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
Hey Emily!
I loved the title of the poem, all about war and that anger and sorrow. There was a lot of feel to the poem and yes! The poem has actually conquered my heart <3. I loved the way you rhymed in this poem. It was perfect! And definitely the ending was really dramatic.
Though that line, didn't very well go in with it. Its just to left out and... Well, I think you should change it.
And of course, there are some mistakes to be taken care of. One thing off, the capitalizing of every starting letter. I wouldn't say that its wrong, the thing is its not really necessary to start a letter with a capital the very next line unless the previous line has a full-stop to it. Think about it. When we write, after a comma, we don't usually start with a capital. I'm just saying, but you may choose either one. Not really much of a mistake.
Now, this stanza was really confusing.
The last line, didn't really give out the really meaning your trying to express. The whole lot of the last sentence, I tried reading it over and over again, but I just can't get it. Maybe its because my mind hasn't working lately (xD) or its something to do with the sentence.
Like Roxy said, the poem was quite even but to the end, you lost it. It would be nice, if you add just one more line, and the poem would have an even end to it. And I loved the part where you say "infinite to zero".
Overall: As usual, keep up the GREAT work!
Keep Writing ~
Cookie
*You're.
*It's.
*Too
*Hasn't been working
This is very good, and dramatic, and kind of scary. But I liked it a lot. There were only two things I'd like to point out, though.
1. What does null mean?
2. I found the
It’s been said,
We need our med, or we are dead.
Rather odd, only because 3 words in a row ryhme. Oh well, that's just me.
Anyway it was a very good poem, I liked it a lot.
~WritingLUV (or just Luv whatever works)
Hello Roxy here!
Let me start off by saying you really have tallent as a writter!
a few little things though;
"My mind is going null,"
I know it fits in with the rhyme, but I dont think it really makes sence..
"Stop fighting the bow, oh yes, we sure know."
I'm not too fond of the "sure"in there, I think it brings the sentence down
"Oh yes, we sure know,
They’ve buried us in the snow,
It’s infinite to zero,"
I would love if you put another line in there, all the other stanzas have five lines, except for this one!
"This show… is over…. ‘Silence’"
Again, not too fond of the "...", I dont think you need to put them in
But I loved it!
PM me with any Q's!
--Roxy