Battle, part two

by emilybrodo

Published April 19, 2012

In Short Stories

I didn't dream this, i kind of added to my dream. This is a face hugger: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/187/7/d/alien_egg_and_facehugger_cgi_by_locusta-d3l599j.jpg As you can imagine they're not very cuddly. They come from a movie name Aliens, there fore this is kind of a fanfiction. This story is a little gruesome and contains a bit of language, just a warning. Your opinion on this would be great XD

I wake up to something clawing at my leg. I scream and frantically slap my thigh when I realise a fire is eating at my skin. I look around, I’m still strapped into the helicopter, upside down with my chestnut hair hanging loosely in the air.

The metal that makes up this flying beast is now twisted out of shape. It doesn’t take me long to realise that there is something seriously wrong apart from the fact that we’ve crashed. A man below me is unconscious, and to my horror, a face hugger is clinging to his face.

Let me give you a lesson about Xenomorphs. There is a Xenomorph queen. The queen is big and all scary looking and lays these sticky eggs that are as big as a child. Each egg contains a goo containing what looks like a skin coloured spider with a long tail. These guys are pretty deadly. How? Well, they like to jump on people, wrap their slimy tails around their victim’s neck and choke them. Now, while their victim is gagging their life out of them, the ‘face hugger’ as we call them, sticks a tube down their throat. It then lays some sort of eggs into the victim’s lungs. After a while, the alien will hatch inside of the victim and burst out of their chest, hence the name ‘chest burster.’ These lovely critters quickly grow into massive demonic like creatures about the size of a big slender smooth black lion. These aliens, Xenomorphs, can transform into a queen if they need to.

So, Xenomorphs are like giant killer bees, no, wasps, that like to eat human flesh.

Now you can understand my fear. There just happen to be an egg sack lying just outside the helicopter, and another one not too far away. If I had had any lunch, I would have thrown up about then. Chances are there is a Xenomorph adult waiting for its siblings to awaken.

I fumble with my seat belt, and with a click, I crash to the floor. I groan as I sit up and carefully avoid the soldier with the face hugger. I turn over a second man, he too has a face hugger. As I climb out of the helicopter, I notice another two eggs which are also empty. As long as there aren’t any eggs that have a face hugger in them ready for pray, I’ll be alright. I find the pilot with a face hugger clinging to his face too. I curse, and then notice the woman who buckled me in a few metres away.

I notice we’ve crashed in a jungle like area. On our way down, we’ve ripped a couple of trees from their proud upright position and have caused them to crack over. I approach the woman, a sigh of relief washes over me as I realise that she has no face hugger on her nor a nasty big hole in her chest. Phew! I nudge her with my foot, then step back as if she were some terrible beast. When she doesn’t respond, I try again, and this time I get results.

The woman murmurs something, and then her green eyes flutter open.

“I’m alive,” she murmurs, “miraculous.” Then she looks at our surroundings. “Let’s get out of here, hey kiddo?” I nod in response. After rubbing her head, the woman takes an electric device out of her pocket. “We’re in luck, base 902 is only a few kilometres away.” She glances around nervously, this makes me even more nervous myself. If there has been a Xenomorph around here, then what has stopped it from devouring us?

“Keep your eyes peeled kiddo,” she says, her eyes looked aged now, “they could be anywhere.” I shudder. She’s more than right.

Before we leave, my lifeline goes over to her comrades with the face huggers laying their doom. She takes out a pistol, and one by one, fires a bullet into their chest, hopefully eliminating the Xenomorphs that were growing inside. Then we set off into the jungle.

It isn’t long before I’m shaking with fear. I get that feeling that we’re being watched. Every now and then I see something move in the corner of my eye. Xenomorphs are experts at camouflage, I know they could be anywhere.

The deeper into the forest we trudge, the darker it gets, and soon I smell something strong and unpleasant. Don’t get me wrong, but something tells me it’s rotting meat. Then we stumble upon and empty egg sack. The woman swears and kicks it with fury. I believe at that moment something let out a low growl, it sends shivers down my spine.

We walk around a large fern, and then the woman stops dead in her tracks. I stop too until I pluck up the courage to walk around her and see what’s shocked her so. Eggs, thousands of them scattered in the thick bush, and these ones aren’t empty. I gulp, knowing that safety is probably on the other side of this sharp drop, this valley full of death.

“No worries, we’ll go around,” says the woman. I stare at her, trying to find a better solution that involves getting the hell out of here, when something strucks us on the back. Over the cliff we tumble and roll into the valley of hell. When we stop rolling, I look up to see an alien lurking in the shadows. She is looking too, “the bastard wants us to be their dam baby’s vessel.” I shiver, imagining having an alien growing in my lungs, a creature eating me from the inside.

Just then, we hear the sound of slime swishing and twinging. An egg, only metres away, begins to open. “Shit,” the woman says, pulling out a gun and shooting it at the spider-like face hugger that springs at her. It explodes into green slime, and the acid eats at the plants that lye at our feet.

Then I feel something tickle my hand. I look down to see a face hugger with one of its stick like legs standing on my hand. I scream and flick it off while springing to my feet. Instinctively, the woman shoots it.

She too is on her feet, “run!” she yells, and soon she and I are sprinting through the greens. I follow her, only a few metres behind. Around us, eggs are opening everywhere. They spring around attempting to get one of us. It’s a shower of ugly little face huggers, how lovely.

I notice that above us in the trees are Xenomorphs, watching us as if we were entertainment. For a few minutes of intense running, we are lucky, not one of the face huggers get us. They do brush our skin though, one jumps onto my thigh and I immediately claw it off of me.

Still running intensely fast, the woman takes out her electronic device, this, though, is a big mistake. She turns her head to me, “we’re getting close kiddo!” she yells over her shoulder. And then a face hugger jumps onto her head. In moments, it has its tail around her throat and she is withheld from oxygen. I stop dead in my tracks, my heart in my throat.

I swear, frozen on my feet, my heart in my mouth. i’m about to try and pull the face hugger off of her when another one jumps onto the back of my head. I tumble to the ground, saying about a hundred swear words at once. This face hugger jumps off of me and goes to help its mate, which is trying to get its tube down the woman’s throat.

“Go!” she chokes, and the face hugger takes the opportunity to stuff its tube down her throat. The woman then falls to the ground, asleep.

I stumble to my feet, tears now streaming down my cheeks and run on.

I don’t know how I did it, all I know is that somehow, my adrenaline kept me going. Even though I swerved around trees and dodged many opening eggs, I somehow made it through that valley. I ran up the hill and burst into a suburb. In the distance I see the giant shopping centre, base 902. I soon find a car, its door is open. I glance back. Nothing is following me. I run to the car. Just my luck, the keys are in the ignition. That very moment, I learnt to drive a car. If only I could have enjoyed it.

I drive peacefully through the city. More like ghost city. Everything is deserted, I see a few hounds dead on the road, they have junks of them bitten out of them. The site makes me ill.

I try not to think about what has happened to me, I just want to get back to my family after all. That willing to see them pretty much gets me to the base. I badly park the car, by park I mean crash. I run to the doors of the base and pound my fists. Inside I see a protective wall.

Then I hear a growl.

I swing around, and then sink into the glass doors. Before me stalks a Xenomorph. It walks in front of me, back and forth. Then it simply turns, and disappears down the street.

The doors behind me slide open, and I collapse inside. I was close to kissing the ground, finally being safe was glorious. I walk towards the wall, it’s black and big and all technical.

“Step inside,” calls a voice. I follow its order. A green light scans me over, followed by a blue one.

Then I realise something is wrong. Really, I should be dead. That whole while I was running, the face huggers didn’t go for me, they went for the woman. And that Xenomorph should of killed me. They only let you live when… oh god.

“I’m sorry,” says the voice, “I’m so sorry. You’ve been infected.”

“No!” I scream. Just then, I feel like something is squirming around inside me. I feel a very sharp pain.

And then my chest bursts open.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
AlfredSymon
Review
AlfredSymon wrote a review Review · Jun 10, 2012

Auntie Em! I'm finally here for a review! Sorry for being so late; I'm just really busy, y'see. Now let me give you a short overview of what I have read then I'll go on with the review based on literature. I'll chop it up into four parts: the Title, the Plot, the Technicalities and the storytelling :) .

First! On the title. Well, as you've stated in a comment, the title doesn't fit much. Y'see, a battle can mean many things, and the title's first impression in my mind was some kind of gladiatorial contest in some ancient place. But it can fit, as long as you include the idea of battling into the piece. About your choices for the title, I would choose something very dark and shadowy. Some of the titles you've given reminds me of Lovecraft (Y'know, Cthulhu), and it seems to science-y for a very dark piece like this. I suggest scary and alien-ish (Me and my weird choice of adjectives). A title that can mystify and scare the reader's mind without creeping it. Think The Ring and The Innkeepers; simple, but the 'the' gives some chills, right? It's your choice, though, so think carefully!

Now the plot! If I read it right, Battle is more of a short story, and it's hard to track the plot, especially in flash fiction pieces. But I'm proud to tell that I tracked your plot easily! Your story had a plot that we can plot down! That's a point from me :) And now the contents of the plot itself. Although this is part two, readers can still understand the story, which is also good. What I noticed about it was the turnout of events; it was full of action, but it's almost all action! There is no point of change in perspective and/or revelation. This is a thriller/suspense piece, so action every now and then is GREAT, and I love what happens in the story. But I think it would be better if the story changes a scene, not only running and hiding. Of course, you may lengthen it to a novel ;) . So, that's all I noticed about your plot.

Lastly, yes, lastly, because the technicalities of the piece is closely tied with how you told the story. Just two punctuation confusions, instead of a comma, use a semicolon in sentences like this: "I look around, I’m still strapped into the helicopter" and "Xenomorphs are experts at camouflage, I know they could be anywhere." Because the two divisions of the sentence can be independent.

Now, on the word choice. I did love you word choice; you didn't use shallow words, but not also deep words (Me and my etc. again). Most of the words you used induced a moderate spark of imagination, which really is a good point. The storytelling is also okay, but I think it's too much focused on what the character sees and feels; how about what the character thinks? You added this statement in a few paragraphs and that is good, but I want more! Since not everyone have read the first chapter, it would be nice to see some history or background; this won't do as flash fiction since the action is GREAT! So make sure that it can stand independently, 'kay :)

That's all help I can supply! I leave everything to you, Em! Make magic :D !

Your Quick Critic,
Al

User avatar
emilybrodo
Comment
emilybrodo commented Comment · Apr 19, 2012

I think the name doesn't really suite this story. Should I name it something like:
Death In an Egg
Growling Doom
Earth Unraveled
Or something like that? Your opinion would be appreciated.
'Elevator music plays'



You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote