So if you have read my book, Unspoken Melodies, here is an update. I told my friend I think I might be in love with her. I needed to get it off my chest. I don't know if she remembers it happening, but as soon as I got home, I texted her everything and now I'm waiting to hear from her so we can talk. I wrote poems all weekend about it and I wanted to share one here. If you haven't read Unspoken Melodies yet, here is the link. Unspoken Melodies
Are we going to get through this?
Honestly, I don't know.
My feelings need to process,
but step by step, I think we'll grow.
Am I too much for you to handle?
You said for you I'm not.
But I've heard this said
and each time again
I'm left alone within my thoughts.
Will these gut-wrenching feelings pass?
You said in time they will.
I've never been through this before.
I never knew my thoughts could kill.
I wrote this very quickly the other day and I'm not sure how good it is. As always, feedback and words of encouragement are welcome!
-Dani
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi friend!! I have missed seeing you around a lot lately! I noticed this lovely poem of yours in the Green Room, so I thought id offer you a quick review
You poem has a really nice simple format. I like how you would ask a question and then share a few internal thoughts and observations about the topic. 'Are we going to get through this' is a bold question to start the poem. It caught my attention, so great work with that!
These are some super relatable feelings! A desire to be 'enough' but not too much for a friend is what I am getting from this section of the poem. The idea that some one says you are not, but you still feel that guilt. I can imagine the person in this poem (maybe you) could have low self confidence from being treated badly by others in the past. They just want to be loved and appreciated.
So poetic! Thoughts killing, gut wrenching, wow! We have a lot of physical metaphors here, which I love. This is very powerful and I know you said that you wrote it quickly, but that doesn't change how meaningful your words are. I love your writing and I hope I can see more soon
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey, Kaerae here! I know this is quite a bit late but I wanted to pop in and give a review. I know the time that you are waiting for someone to reply after pouring your feelings out is very stressful. In any case, this was a very heartfelt poem, one that you can just allow yourself to feel vulnerable for. First of all, the title was on point… it can’t get worse than overthinking everything going on, and “Questions of the heart” gives just the right impression for what is in the poem.
okay, so this feels like a free verse, but I like the way that it is set up, answering the question that is laid out. Like I said , perfect title for this work l, as we can now assume all of the questions are making the MC vulnerable and stressed out. But it’s not of all sadness and dark. You talk about growth, and I think that is a good thing to mention. It shows that there might still be hope.first impression:
middle:
this is where it gets very deep. The two questions posed in this bit are very relatable. Just a weird suggestion, maybe like italics the “for you” after the question am I too much to handle. We have all had someone say we aren’t to much to handle, and italics makes the words stand out, like a big question, are you telling the truth or just saying it just to make me feel better. (And again in the other question “for you”)
last part
welp. This was beautifully set up for the end. It comes to a strong close and those last two sentences are so important. “I never knew my thoughts could kill” is definitely my favorite line. It’s very relatable having your mind go crazy. A saying that I like to quote is “it’s crazy how your mind can make you feel so worthless” and this last part reminds me of it. Overall, this is beautifully written, and I hope all works out well with the person you confessed your feelings to~
Keep writing,
Kaerae
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. First I want to say it does get better I've been there twice with the same person. I think if you would want to refine this perhaps morph a few lines together, since they are shorter. for expmaple and do keep this is just my opinnon.
" Honestly, I don't know." and " but step by step, I think we'll grow. " could become
" Honestly, I don't know but step by step I think we'll grow. "
Along with this maybe to help with flow, maybe this line " Will these gut-wrenching feelings pass?" could become, " Will these gut-wrenching feelings pass? I can only ask Am I too much for you to handle?"
overall this is just my rambling I promise it gets better, please take care of yourself!
"I'm left alone within my thoughts." - Very relatable.
A Cute Poem,
"My feelings need to Process"
"but step by step ithink we'll grow" You're really Good:)