z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Depressed

by dm74


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Cloudy days when the sun shines bright

Inside, a storm rages - silent, out of sight. 

Outside, a mask - smiling with all its might.

Invisible feelings consume the soul

At night they battle, stark and cold. 

By day they hide - their shadows bold.

She wonders why these emotions come. 

They're always with her - a gentle hum.

Even when she's having fun.

That's how it is, depression sucks. 

Stealing colors, turning all to dust. 

But once in a while, the light opens up

Spreading joy if only just. 

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210 Reviews

Points: 10015
Reviews: 210

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Sat Mar 16, 2024 6:39 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem <3 My first impression I want to share is how heartfelt this poem felt to me. I really appreciate you sharing this!

Inside, a storm rages - silent, out of sight.

Outside, a mask - smiling with all its might.


I love these lines. Storm to sight. Mask to might. Silent and smiling! The alliteration is so strong. I love the flow. I love how you use opposite words to make a point. Though in a storm, you act silent. You are unseen. You wear this exhausting mask and smile externally.

I noticed you use a very unique rhyme pattern here, it seems to go AAABBBCCC and then the last four lines, there is a loose rhyme between sucks and dust, followed by up, and then just. I wonder, was disrupting the rhyme scheme intentional at the end? There can definitely be a lot of symbolism in that.

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

There are three lines in this poem that do not end with periods, while every other line does. Perhaps adding commas or periods to the end of these sentences.

Cloudy days when the sun shines bright


And

Invisible feelings consume the soul


And lastly, this one:

But once in a while, the light opens up


Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

By day they hide - their shadows bold.

She wonders why these emotions come.


I love this! It really shows the day by day of how this girl feels. I love the idea of shadows being bold. That is a really beautiful, and painful, image <33

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Thanks for sharing this, friend! Hope you have a great rest of your day!

Sincerely,
-Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




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Points: 33
Reviews: 3

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Sat Mar 16, 2024 5:19 pm
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watercolours wrote a review...



Whoa, I love this. I struggle with depression as well, and just being able to relate to your poem already tells me that this was orchestrated with sincerity. I can't help but wonder who "she" is in line seven. Is it the author referring to themselves from a third person point of view? Is it another person in the author's life who also suffers from depression? In fact, is the entire poem written by someone who observes someone else's mental health struggle from their own perspective? There's plenty room for interpretation here.
My favorite line is definitely "spreading joy if only just". What a wonderful way to end the poem, and it ties it together with a bow quite nicely. Depression has its way in stealth- it may allow you to feel happy and cheerful and then it approaches from behind, knife to the throat. It frustrates me that depression can be this way, but I am forever grateful for the moments when I don't feel like sinking.
Again, thank you for writing this, it was a pleasure and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future! ^^





Live your life how you want, but don't confuse drama with happiness.
— Ron, Parks & Rec