z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Misunderstood? Continued

by dm74


Today, I, Arabella Frost, will gather the courage to venture into town. I miss my walks and need to buy a few items anyway. 

I will ignore the whispers and looks of the townspeople who don't know anything about me. They know my mother, but not me. 

Unfortunately for my reputation, my mother is evil. She killed hundreds of villagers and is now serving a life-sentence. People judge me because of who my mother is but know nothing of me. 

I start walking. The rain falls and I keep my head down as to not attract any unwanted attention. 

At last, I made it. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4103 Reviews


Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103

Donate
Wed Mar 27, 2024 11:08 pm
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Today, I, Arabella Frost, will gather the courage to venture into town. I miss my walks and need to buy a few items anyway.

I will ignore the whispers and looks of the townspeople who don't know anything about me. They know my mother, but not me.

Unfortunately for my reputation, my mother is evil. She killed hundreds of villagers and is now serving a life-sentence. People judge me because of who my mother is but know nothing of me.

I start walking. The rain falls and I keep my head down as to not attract any unwanted attention.

At last, I made it.


Oooh well I wasn't expecting to see a follow up to that little story from earlier, not something that you often see. Generally these stories are quite mysterious and never end up giving you more information but here we are and I am excited to dig into this and see what more information we can glean from this about our character and the world.

ANd well right away it seems we're actually seeing the person overcome their apprehension a little bit an step into the village a bit out of necessity there. That definitely adds quite a few interesting points into the matter, especially about how this person must then be reliant on the village suggesting they're perhaps a proper resident here that is being looked down upon and judged.

Getting a little expansion there into what exactly it was that the mother did and a small look at how exactly the villagers react is also quite powerful here. It shows us exactly how powerful this opinion is and exactly what managed to inspire said opinion. There's definitely an extra element that gets added on here once you learn just how strong those crimes happened to be and how the judgement is being handed out.

Overall, we can stat to see how poor Arabella doesn't deserve the amount of disrespect that she gets but you can certainly understand it from the point of view of the villagers too. All in all I think its a good followup to what we had with the first part of this and now I'm kind of looking forward to seeing a little more perhaps.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 2601
Reviews: 35

Donate
Sat Mar 23, 2024 4:50 pm
View Likes
Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello, I hope you don't mind that I am back with another review. Once again this piece is a little on the shorter side so I might not have much feedback. Once again we do get a lot in such a small amount of lines and that's great I do enjoy the extra context on why she is seen as a monster.

However please do not take this the wrong way because it might be due to my tendency to write novels and third-person prose but I still feel it veers on the side of tell not really show. I would have loved it if we got glimpses of the town what does the buildings look like or do people catch a glimpse of her and hide their children. Is her mother's old wanted poster stuck somewhere tattered? Does the rain pelt her hood stuff like that can add to making the world richer without having to tell your audience point blank if that makes sense.

Overall Keep it up and stay hydrated.




dm74 says...


Thank you for the feedback! I mostly write poetry and I%u2019m not used to writing fiction and wanted to try something new. I love the feedback and will try to implement it in the next part! Thank you :)




So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6