Young Writers Society

Introduction

Welcome to a literary collection of poems that tell the story of an ongoing friendship between two women. Each poem allows you to glimpse into our lives - from the moment we met, the moment I realized I liked her, to the still ongoing realization that her feelings are not mutual.

In between the poems are explanations of what was going through my mind at that moment - a snapshot if you will. This book does not tell the story of unrequited love or happily ever after. Instead, it explores the emotions, good and bad, that come with all friendships - with a little bit of love and heartbreak in between.

So, if you have ever found yourself navigating feelings for a friend and it didn’t go the way you planned, this book is for you! Join me on my journey of love, heartbreak, and of course some awkwardness as I share my experience with you.

Chapter 1

I chased my dreams with unsteady steps

Inside a world where confidence slept.

My voice was quiet,

my mind quite loud

I collected the courage to sing to large crowds.

Slowly, steadily, I stepped on the stage

ready to leave the confines of my comfortable cage.

The music starts;

my fears roaming wild

but I feel at home -

all doubts now exiled.

Imagine standing on the edge of a stage; people staring, waiting for you to be their main source of entertainment. The lights, blinding; seeping into your eyes almost as if you are staring into the bright, beaming light of the glaring sun. The beating of your heart is louder than that of the intimidating audience - it’s almost too loud, too overwhelming - but you continue on. You hold onto the microphone. The music starts. And you begin to sing.

As the opening notes escape your lips, you find a rhythm and more comfort within the music. People start singing along, making your confidence grow stronger, further instilling the idea that right now, this is your moment and you own the stage.

Finally, the music stops. You hear the roaring of the applause and the crowd cheering your name. You smile, knowing you did your best.

As you step off the stage, you take a deep breath, releasing all the pent up energy that was trapped inside your body. You did it. And now it’s over - continuing to live on only in your memory. But it isn’t just the memory of the performance that you are carrying. It’s the realization that every stage in life, literal and figurative, is a chance to connect and grow within yourself and with other people.

Forever the tortoise

Never the hare

Always overshadowed

by someone who doesn’t truly care.

I try so hard, but it’s never enough;

and when I do succeed I don’t get love.

When I perform I feel at home,

but I feel too stressed to carry on.

I want to soar.

I want to fly.

I’m not there yet,

but soon I’ll thrive.

I started competing in karaoke competitions when I moved to New Jersey. I didn’t know anyone and was feeling very alone. I was longing for connection.

I was a very different person than who I am now. I had spent the last nine years in Philadelphia and was struggling to adjust to a new environment, a new job, and new people.

I wandered into a bar one night and met many people who, not knowing at the time, would become an integral part of not only my life, but also my growth as a person. Unfortunately, it took a long time for many of them to accept me as part of their group.

I was socially awkward and had many sensory issues that a lively bar with new people, loud music, and the more than occasional drunk patrons interfered with. I unintentionally drove a lot of people away.

I’m figuring myself out in ways I haven’t

done before.

I’m listening to my body, its needs, its wants, its core.

To others I’m self-centered, moody, or too much,

but I’m just searching for a place that feels like a gentle touch.

I’m longing to fit in, yearning to be strong,

striving to be better than who I’ve been so far.

Who others see isn’t who I am inside,

but my body and my brain are stalled at a divide.

I see the looks and hear the whispers

There’s no denying it

These people think I’m weird

and I’m stuck dealing with their shit.

I’m longing for a friend,

A person to confide,

but no one talks to listen -

My inner thoughts denied.

I didn’t know what I was getting into. I took a seat at a table and watched the events of the night unfold. The bar was loud, crowded, and thrilling all at the same time. I saw people talking, some loud, some quiet. People got up to sing karaoke. Some truly performed. Some stayed by the screen. Each person was doing their best. Can you guess which person I was?

The DJ called my name and I walked up and grabbed the microphone. It was my first time singing in a place like this. I didn’t know anyone and I was new; a combination that would make anyone feel overwhelmed and anxious. But still, I sang; not moving from the safety of the screen.

My first karaoke contest was an exhilarating, if not also overwhelming, experience. Everyone was so talented and I, still lacking confidence and basic vocal skills, was not. Between the costumes, the new people, and the crowd, I was feeling out of my element. But I still competed and did the best I was able to at the time. Little did I know that this was only the beginning of an internal, as well as external, transformative experience.

I became good friends with a lot of karaoke DJs. One in particular changed my life for the better. She introduced me to genuine people who understood me and didn’t judge my quirkiness. We became good friends, like family, in the process. She encouraged me to find my voice, stand up for myself, and to never let anybody take my power.

Chapter 2

A few years passed. I made some friends and adjusted to living in New Jersey better than I ever expected to. Don’t get me wrong, there were many obstacles along the way, but I managed to overcome them; growing mentally and emotionally with each one. But here came a new struggle.

My friend Roberta was the karaoke DJ at a bar I’ve gone to frequently. I wasn’t going to go out that night, but Roberta convinced me to. She said a bunch of my friends were there and that I would have fun. I joined my friends and watched the qualifiers for the upcoming karaoke competition. Sitting in the back of the bar, I was watching the night unfold in front of me. It was a crowded night. There were familiar people and others who I was just seeing for the first time.

I looked up and there she was; her straight brown hair, her enchanting eyes, her radiant smile, and her melodic voice as she sang beautifully into the microphone. Something about her seemed different than I have previously experienced since moving to Jersey. I wanted to meet her, but didn’t know how. I still experienced debilitating social anxiety at times and that night was no exception.

I tend to mask my emotions when it comes to other people. I’ve had bad luck in the past making connections and was determined to do things differently this time. Keeping things quiet, I decided not to talk about my fascination with the intriguing woman; I was determined not to scare her off before we had the chance to connect. My friends were oblivious and I was okay with that.

I was planning to admire her from afar, but fate had other plans. Roberta called me up to sing. I walked to the front of the bar; avoiding eye-contact with other people. I carefully took my place in front of the screen and sang. After I was finished, I made eye contact with the girl and a warm smile was exchanged. No words were exchanged yet, but I sensed a promising beginning.

I remember the first time;

I noticed your personality,

But, at the start, I saw your eyes.

Those eyes, your smile;

Your comfort, your light.

It’s like a song that resonates; pure and bright.

I had to meet you; see this through.

Were you as nice as you looked?

Or just a beautiful view?

I took a breath, pushed back my fears.

I said hello and saw you were genuine and sincere.

Weeks went by, then a month and more

Our conversations deepened,

opening a door.

I let down my guard, began to trust,

Sometimes it’s hard, but being brave is a must.

A year will pass,

so much will grow.

We’ll be different people;

The future; still unknown.

Chapter 3

After four weeks of qualifiers, the contest began. The first category was “songs from the year you were born” and I sang "Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams. I spent a long time choosing a song and didn’t have a lot of time to prepare. I learned the song quickly after work right before the contest and hoped for the best.

My turn to sing came quickly. I felt my nerves boiling over in anticipation, and I did the best I could. I didn’t think I did well, but there she was again - smiling at me. She walked over and said I did very well and she asked if I have competed in contests before. I smiled, averting eye-contact, and told her “yes.”

I watched the rest of the contestants perform. Everyone did a wonderful job. Performing and putting yourself out there is not an easy thing to do. It takes a certain level of confidence to do this and do it well.

It was her turn to perform. I don’t remember what song she sang, but I know I was immediately captivated by her voice and how easy she made the performance look. I wished I could have her level of confidence and ease while performing. This only made me want to talk to her more.

I decided one day to start reaching out electronically. Instead of talking to her in person - which I was still afraid of doing - I reached out online. I complimented her performance from the night before and she told me I did amazing as well. Her responses were warm and made me feel comfortable. I even started talking to her more in person. To anyone who struggles with social anxiety and wants to talk to someone, reaching out electronically is a great first step.

While I was talking to her more in person, I kept the conversations to small talk and about the contest. But online, I was a little more daring to say the least. I tried my best to ask her out. I sent her a message saying I liked her and wanted to spend more time with her, but my message was not clear. She misunderstood what I meant and thought I was asking to hang out as friends. She said yes, and I thought she meant we could go on a date. When we talked in person about it, the atmosphere was pretty awkward - memorable, but awkward. She said she was flattered, but we are just friends. I was upset, but I couldn’t blame anyone. It was a misunderstanding afterall.

Another week went by and the next memorable moment in the contest for me was Rock Week. I chose to sing a song by the band Halestorm and needed help with my makeup. I decided to ask her to help me and she agreed. As we sat there she was encouraging me to do my best, not to be afraid, and to have fun performing. I did my best to listen to her and it paid off.

Throughout the next few weeks we became closer and talked more frequently. We would send each other encouraging messages about the contest, talk to each other about our days, and talk on the phone before meeting each other at the bar before it was time to perform. If she ever took a while to answer me, I didn’t worry because I knew she would reply eventually. She always did.

Even though we were definitely getting closer, I still wondered what would happen. Would she be in my life just until the contest was over? Or would we continue to remain friends?

I’ve had a lot of people come in and out of my life and I was afraid that this friendship wouldn’t last either. I expressed my concerns to her and she told me we were going to be friends for a very long time. Unfortunately, because I was so anxious back then, that did little to nothing to help my worries.

Will we be friends forever?

Isn’t that what you said?

But what if that’s not true and it’s only in our heads?

I know I’m talking crazy,

I know my anxious mind.

But why am I the crazy one when I’ve been

proved right too many times?

No one ever stays.

They say they will, but lie.

I need someone to prove me wrong.

Will you stay? Or say goodbye.

Chapter 4

The most enjoyable part of competing in these contests is coming up with a routine for each category. For me, a routine consists of choosing a song, costume, hair and make up, props, and how I will perform my song. I was struggling to come up with an engaging routine for guilty pleasures week. I chose my song, but needed to come up with a strong performance. In short, I needed a gimmick. I asked Roberta what she thought and she told me to go with my gut.

I chose the song “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry and everything in me knew I had to ask someone to kiss me during my performance. I wanted to ask my new friend, but didn’t know how to go about it. It wasn’t a secret that I had a crush on her. My face leaves very little to the imagination and some people started to notice.

A few weeks earlier, the category was Songs About Sex. She sang “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls and wore a purple corset. Needless to say, I was staring. A friend who has known me for years even said that she wanted to text me from across the room and say “stop drooling.”

Anticipating guilty pleasure week, I was talking to Roberta about it again and she suggested I ask my new friend. I wanted to, but I was afraid of what she would think. What if she thought it was a weird suggestion given how I already felt about her? What if she decided my friendship was too much? I kept thinking I couldn’t ask her. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with her before it even began.

The week before Guilty Pleasure week arrived and I still hadn’t asked anyone to help me with my routine. I talked to Roberta about it again and with perfect timing, my intriguing new friend showed up. I mentioned what we were talking about and Roberta chimed in to help. With zero hesitation, she said “I’ll do it!” I think I turned bright red at this new revelation. I was excited, but scared at the same time. She has a boyfriend and as if this whole situation wasn’t awkward enough, it was about to get a whole lot more uncomfortable - for everyone involved.

Chapter 5

The following week felt like it went on for decades. I was anticipating kissing my beautiful friend, overthinking like I always do, and making up worst-case scenarios in my head. I needed to talk to her. I needed to make sure this was alright and nothing bad would happen.

I found out that my intriguing friend told her boyfriend about us kissing as part of my performance. I felt uneasy knowing this, but knew it was the right thing for her to do. That led to more questions though. Did he know I liked his girlfriend? Was that going to cause problems within my friendship with her? To everyone watching these events unfold, it looked like I was conquering my fears, but on the inside I was a wreck.

Before I went to the bar for guilty pleasure week, I called my friend. We talked on the phone for a little while. She mentioned to me that she was going to change her song. I told her that she was giving me anxiety. I couldn’t understand changing or picking songs the day of the contest.

I pick my songs weeks in advance and only pick a song the day of if I really am having a hard time. I said she was giving me anxiety as a joke, but there may have been some truth to it. At the time, I got very nervous around her because of my crush - which was intensifying by the day. I couldn’t explain my feelings. I just knew that they were there and that they weren’t going away any time soon.

It was finally contest time. I had mentally prepared for my performance (and the kiss) to the best of my ability. The plan was to kiss her before the song officially started, and right after it ended. It was the quarter-finals; tensions were already high, and I had intentionally made them higher with what I had planned to do. There was no going back.

During the quarter-finals of most karaoke contests they make you sing two different songs from separate categories. The categories for this night were Broadway and Guilty Pleasures. I arrived at the bar a little later than I had hoped, and was told I would be performing first for the Broadway category and last for guilty pleasures. “Great.” I thought. I would have to wait the whole night before I was able to get this kiss over with.

The night seemed to drag on and then finally it was time. I heard Roberta call my name over the microphone. I stood up and scanned the bar to look for my friend. She was nowhere to be found. I knew she was probably outside. I waited awkwardly on the stage for what seemed like an eternity. I looked over at my friend who was judging. She said “Oh I know what you’re doing!” That didn’t help too much. I felt my heart beating its way out of my chest. Finally, I saw my friend and I was ready to perform.

I felt myself turn pink after she kissed me. My heart was a lump inside my throat, but now I had to sing. The performance went well considering how nervous I was. I knew at the end of the song there would be another kiss so the nerves never really went away. After everything finished, I heard the crowd cheering. I couldn’t tell if they were cheering because I did well or because they just saw two women kissing. After all the anticipation, it was finally over. And I knew one thing was certain. I wanted to kiss her again.

My beautiful new friend went on to finals and eventually won the whole competition. I got eliminated after the semi-finals but was very proud of what I accomplished and learned over the last ten weeks. I made new friends, came out of my shell, and as my new friend would say, “conquered my fears.”

Chapter 6

You dazzle in the lights on the stage

where you know you’re the star

sparkling with ease.

Your voice, a captivating melody;

streaming through the air

as people dance and sing.

I see your unbridled confidence

shining through

as the music takes control -

and that’s when I realize;

All I see is you.

After the competition, things slowed down. I focused on myself and worked on maintaining my new-found confidence. I tried going out to new places that weren’t karaoke events. My enchanting friend is the frontwoman of a cover band. I wanted to go support and watch her perform again. I went a few times during the competition, but it was overwhelming for me. I needed to get used to going out where I wouldn’t know all of the people.

One night I clearly remember was when I knew her band was playing at a bar I was familiar with. I figured it was a good idea to go to a place with familiar surroundings first instead of putting myself in a situation where I didn’t know the venue nor the people. At least here, I knew where I was.

I walked in and took a seat at the bar. I ordered a drink and a burger and scanned the room for my friend. She looked stunning. When it was time for the band to take their places on the stage and start their show, I started to relax. Maybe it was the drink finally settling into my body; or maybe it was just my anxiety calming itself down naturally. Whatever it was, I was beginning to feel better.

I watched my friend and her bandmates play. Their show was captivating and everyone in the bar stood up, danced by the stage, and sang along with the band. I stayed in my seat, because people. But I enjoyed the experience from the safety of my seat in the busy bar. Summer was coming and slowly but surely, I was venturing out of my comfort zone one day at a time.

I began to go to more of her band’s shows. I was open to exploring new environments and felt myself becoming more comfortable - as long as I was able to find a seat. I even started going by the stage in a crowd of people while the band played.

I knew it wasn’t just my anxiety going away. My friend made me feel better. I knew that her and her boyfriend would never let anything bad happen to me.

Music seeps through my entire body.

It’s loud, but I don’t mind.

People are all around me -

pushing, bumping, moving.

I look over to see you telling me to

breathe.

I take a breath.

I’m okay.

I know I’m safe when you’re here with me.

In addition to watching my friend in her band, I was also supporting her acoustic duo. I enjoyed watching her and her partner play music outside near the beach. The atmosphere was calmer and there were less people. It also gave us more time to talk to each other without being interrupted by people. My friend is very popular.

Over the summer I had a lot of time to work on myself. I wasn’t seeing my friend every week, and it gave me the necessary time I needed to get over my feelings for her. Though the feelings never really went away, they were definitely less intense and this helped our friendship strengthen. The awkward moments were long gone and I could focus on just being her friend.

Chapter 7

Over the summer I started taking voice lessons. I wanted to strengthen my vocal skills and knew this was the next step. My voice teacher is phenomenal. I was seeing results in just a few short weeks. My voice was stronger and my vocal range was larger. I couldn’t wait for my intriguing friend to hear me sing. Unfortunately, she stopped coming out to karaoke for a while. Life got in the way and she was busy. But, one night, at the same bar we met at, she surprised me. I arrived late with a couple of friends, and she came right up to me. My eyes lit up when I realized she was here. I was excited to be able to sing with her again. I also knew I improved and wanted her to hear me sing.

The bar was hosting karaoke contests all summer. The structure of the contest was set up a little differently. Each week, there would be a new contest and two winners were picked. The night I saw my friend there, we were both competing. She sang Simple Man and I sang Dance Monkey. I anxiously awaited the results. Neither of us won, but we tied for third place. I was beside myself when I learned we both tied. I didn’t win a giftcard, but I won validation. Not only did I score third place, I tied with my friend who is the lead singer of a band. That was a much better prize and I know my friend was proud of me.

The rest of the summer flew by. I was continually competing in the weekly contests, consistently scoring in the top five. I eventually won second place and then I started judging. Judging a contest makes you see everything differently. It also inadvertently made me a better performer. I was able to watch each performer without being distracted and I learned how quickly the smallest thing could change the outcome of a score. That experience helped me to relax more and just have fun while competing in competitions.

As the summer ended, I got back into more of a routine. I still went to see my friend perform as much as I was able to, but less than I was. I started teaching again and was focusing more on the new school year. I teach preschool and this year I only have seven students. It was a nice break from the usual fast-paced classroom. I was able to individualize my students’ education more than what is typical. I was creating lessons and activities I wouldn’t normally be able to do due to large class sizes. I was able to have fun and be creative. I was having a great time.

As I adjusted to a new school year and a small class size, the new ten-week long karaoke contest was starting. It was at the same venue as last year, but this time I was determined to do better. I had worked on my vocal and performance skills all summer and I felt ready to take on another competition. I had grown mentally and emotionally and it was time to show the judges.

I reached out to my intriguing friend to see if she would come support me. She said she would. I was excited to show her what I could do now. I started the contest out strong. I was getting great feedback from my friends and the other competitors, but my friend never showed up. I kept asking, but got little to no response. I kept wondering why. Did I do something to make her go silent? Did she lose interest in me as her friend? I didn’t know what to do.

I also wasn’t able to go to her shows anymore. My parents went to Italy for two weeks at the end of September. Right before they came home, I was going to one of Roberta’s shows and I hit a deer. My car was in the shop for six weeks as I regularly argued with the insurance companies. I told her this and even then, I didn’t get a response. I wondered what was going on.

Chapter 8

I’m staring into a glowing stream

of light and words, as silence gleams.

Hoping for a message, wishing for a sign,

my heart hangs on

in this digital divide.

I start to think

maybe this is it,

maybe you have given up on us,

letting our bond split.

Anxiety sets in,

rationality takes its toll.

I feel the crazy coming on, but I’m no longer in control.

I still haven’t heard from you.

I’m beginning to get mad.

Have you forgotten about me?

I just don’t understand.

I’m giving up!

I’m done with this!

That’s what’s going through my mind.

My heart sinks deep,

I’m letting go.

But my feelings fail to be resigned.

With all these thoughts going through my head, I decided it was time to go to one of her shows and get my answers once and for all. I texted her and to my surprise she did answer me this time. I told her I would come to one of her shows real soon. I showed up at her gig and was greeted with a big smile and a hug. I didn’t say anything just yet. I just enjoyed catching up with my friend. She seemed very happy to see me.

As the night ended, we talked about her silence. She walked me to my car and I was able to tell her exactly how and what I was feeling. She told me she was going through a lot - more than anyone should have to go through. I felt like a bad friend. Here I was, thinking it had something to do with me. I realized my feelings had been selfish. I should have realized there was something more going on. I should have had faith in our friendship. I should have trusted her.

We hugged, cried, and apologized. We promised each other that we would talk more. And we did. She started reaching out more to me and we talked about our lives. She talked to me about what was going on in her life and I offered the best support I was able to give. We needed each other. Our friendship was deepening.

Chapter 9

I started to go to my friend’s shows more. I was seeing her on the weekends and we were talking or texting almost every day. Life was busy, but we made time for each other. She started a new routine that I resisted at first. She walked me to my car after almost all of her gigs. I didn’t understand why at first, but then I realized she was protecting me and keeping me safe - in her own way. Once I learned this, I started asking her to walk me to my car every time. I enjoyed the extra time with her. Not because of my feelings for her, which were almost non-existent now, but because in the short time it took for us to walk to my car, we would be able to talk to each other without other people around. I looked forward to it.

Another weekend approached and I was anticipating my friend’s show that night. During the day my brother, sister-in-law, and my niece came over. We had a nice dinner together and I spent some time with my niece. Then, it was time to go. This bar was also in Seaside. I hadn’t been there in a long time and was excited. My friend set aside some space in the band’s booth so that I would have a seat. I watched the band play from the safety of the booth where I wouldn’t be crowded or bumped into by random people.

After the show, I helped her pack up her equipment, and we walked to her car and then to mine. The atmosphere felt different than it had on previous nights. I couldn’t tell what it was. She drank a bit, but I didn’t think she was too far gone. And she was acting like herself, if not a bit more affectionate towards me than what was typical. I liked the attention though.

When we got to my car we talked a little more and I gave her a hug. It was dark, quiet, and not many people were around. And then she kissed me.

Chapter 10

I kissed her back and let out a giggle. She asked me, “did you just get butterflies?” I nodded. She laughed and kissed me again.

Below the moon

a long awaited dream came true.

Her touch, a spark,

igniting shivers deep and new.

“Just friends” she said

How can this be?

My mind is wide with mystery.

This wasn’t planned

Yet here we stand.

What lies ahead?

We’ll soon find answers

thread by thread.

All the feelings from last year started to come back. Her smile, the feel of her lips; they were forever engraved in my memory. She said we were just friends. She told me that last year and it took me months to accept that. Why now? What about me is different?

I spent the following week contemplating if I should say something to her. I decided not to, unless it happened a second time. It did.

My body

consumed by the events

that transpired the week before

still filled with sparks

trembling at your memory’s touch.

Side by side we walk again

while history repeats itself

on this shared journey

below the moon.

It happened the week after the first kiss. She walked me to my car like always and as we hugged, I kissed her on the cheek; and she kissed me on the lips. I was feeling consumed by the overwhelming emotions this brought back. I knew I had to talk to her, but it had to be just me and her. This proved to be its own challenge.

It’s hard to get a moment to ourselves at her gigs. She is very busy outside of her work life as well. So being able to talk to her about things that need to remain private is difficult. I was planning on talking to her about everything that happened at the next gig I went to, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. I stayed until the end and I was hoping we would talk on the walk to my car, but that night was different. I was waiting for her to say let’s go like she always does, but we all were talking.

Finally she was ready to go, but her boyfriend offered to drive me to my car. I didn’t want to say no. That might seem suspicious considering what I wanted to talk to her about. I like him, but to be honest, he made me nervous. It became clear that I wouldn’t be able to talk to her that night. I would have to wait until the next time I saw her.

Unfortunately for me, waiting on important conversations doesn’t mix well with my nervous system. I have nervous tics and they were getting more uncontrollable each day that I sat on this. I made sure to tell her that I really needed to talk to her privately and she promised me that we would talk at her acoustic gig the next time I saw her.

She kept her promise. She knew something was wrong and took me outside so we could talk. I was nervous and my tics weren’t in my control. I finally just said “Why did you kiss me?” and she told me she didn’t remember. I told her when and where and that I’ve been struggling. She said she was drunk and that we are, in fact, just friends. I said “okay.”

You say you don’t remember.

You act like it wasn’t real.

You told me that you were drunk,

but you don’t know how much you made me feel.

You kissed me once

then you did it one last time.

I desperately want answers, but until then

my heart divides.

I was upset, but I didn’t tell her. I guess she knows now though. My nervous tics were worse around her and she noticed. She asked me if it was because of her and I was honest. I told her I was writing again because of something she had told me a few weeks prior and that a lot of the poems I was writing were about her. She told me we would work through this together and we will get through it.

I’ve had unrequited crushes on a lot of friends and none of them have ever reacted the way she has. I am truly grateful for her. Her maturity, her understanding, and her patience. I am not easy to deal with, but I know I have a real friend to help me through any situation I may come across.

Chapter 11

We have had many good times together, but one night in particular stands out. She had just gotten good news and we were at her acoustic gig in Seaside. She was so happy. The happiest I’ve ever seen her. We were outside talking. I don’t remember the full conversation, but it ended with her calling me her favorite weirdo. When we went inside, I stopped her and said she was my favorite airhead. This exchange is one of my favorite memories of her. My feelings for her didn’t matter anymore. We were just very close friends enjoying a happy moment; and that was all that mattered.

Your face lit up with a smile so

wide

and

bright

As the sun above the ocean,

glistening

with its golden light.

Together we laughed

enjoying the moment

so right,

not afraid to be

anything

but ourselves

in the golden light.

In between the shadows

eyes sparkling

bright,

you turned to me -

calling me your “favorite weirdo”

a bond so

and

oh so free.

As the sun set

into a

calm and serene night,

I grinned and said,

“You’re my favorite airhead”

beneath the setting of the golden light.

Chapter 12

I’ve been reflecting on this entire experience. What I thought I wanted a year ago is not what I want anymore. I’d rather have her as my best friend than a love interest. The bond I have with her is unbreakable. She has helped me get through really difficult situations, even when they were about her. She never made me think she was uncomfortable. She always listened. One night recently, we were talking and she told me “Things don’t happen the way you want them to, they happen the way they’re supposed to.”

That really struck me and was all I was thinking about for a few days. I wouldn’t want to change anything that happened between us either. All of these events shaped our friendship and ultimately made it stronger. These last two poems reflect how I feel about the events of the past year.

Your words struck me like a ray of light.

They stayed trapped in my head much

longer than I thought they might.

Those simple words; they changed my view.

Changing the colors of what I thought I knew.

Things may not always go our way, instead

they fall into place

as they’re meant to - day by day.

It’s bittersweet-

The way our friendship evolved.

Through joy and heartache,

each conflict

easily resolved.

In quiet and laughter,

we continue to stand tall

even with my feelings,

awkwardness and all.

I thank you, my friend,

for always listening to me.

We worked through this together

and my heart can finally be free.