No matter what he did, which angle he looked at the situation, Viper could not understand the girl. She had a sort of emptiness about her that gave him the impression that she wasn’t entirely there in the upstairs department. She was a psychic he had no doubt about that. But he felt she was... different. Sometimes he would feel her mind so strongly, that the visual equivalent would be her walking into a funeral entirely dressed in pink. At other times he could barely sense her power, even if he was concentrating. It was almost as though she was able to hide it. He shuddered at the thought. He had known - and killed - a lot of psychics but he had never known any that could shield their minds like that. And her eyes... Viper shivered unintentionally. Those eyes felt as if she was concentrating the sun on his soul. The craziest thing about it all was that she seemed hell bent on finding him. Him in particular. As hard as he thought, he couldn’t think of a single clue in his memory about what she could want. Other than the warehouse incident, he had never met her. This bothered him incessantly now.
He decided that before he did anything he would consult Senra. Her wisdom was as unquestionable as her ancient manner. The fact that he chose to consult her was evidence of the extent that the girl baffled him.
Seeing his mother was generally a last resort to anything.
He stood outside the densely humid room, waiting until she permitted his entry. The girl - 'Nikki' she said - was beside him and he carefully avoided both her gaze and physical touch.
At the sound of a crackled "Enter," He walked into the room. "Craig, is that you? " his mother's voice reminded him of air escaping from a tomb. Her tone was amused - and mocking. She was the only one who dared address him by his real name. He narrowed his eyes in irritation.
"Senra, this is important" he said, lacking sentimentality.
"Ah, that I have no doubt. It has to be a special occasion for you to come within feet of me." She smiled thinly. He took a breath to retort the comment, but decided to brush it away.
"This girl came to me yesterday. She says she needs my help." He glanced at Nikki. The girl was silently studying the old woman.
"Oh! Girlfriend advice huh? That's quite a new one for me." She sneered. Viper scowled at Senra. She was about to make a scathing comment, but then she looked at Nikki for the first time and stopped. Viper could see it in her eyes. She sensed the girl’s uniqueness, just as he had. Senra peered at the girl cautiously, gripping her chair a little tighter and Nikki merely blinked. Senra would be sensing the girl's intensity more than Viper could.
Slowly, Senra spoke. "You, girl. Come here." Her eyes were still wide open, but whether in awe or fear, Viper couldn’t tell. Perhaps both. Either way, this reaction confirmed what he already strongly suspected. This Nikki girl was both powerful and dangerous.
Nikki now stood surveying the old woman, studying her with that disturbing intensity of hers. But Senra did not shy away and gazed back calmly as if to say I am an open book. The staring continued on for several seconds, and Viper felt the hair on his body stand on end. Power rippled silently through the room. Then Nikki smiled ever so slightly and walked towards Senra. The old brown skinned woman took the younger dark girl’s hands in her own, giving them a grandmotherly squeeze.
Viper exhaled audibly. He didn’t know what to make of this; he couldn’t remember Senra being so affectionate with anyone – least of all himself. He watched as Senra smiled, her eyes glimmering as she looked up at Nikki. Nikki gazed back with an expression of mild interest.
Viper was an Outer, and this Inner psychic communication suddenly bored him. “What’s your read on her, Senra?”
Senra’s voice was measured and low when she replied. Like she was attempting to balance something delicate. “She’s hungry Craig... get her something from the bar. A hot plate of pasta.” She glanced at him for an instant before focussing on Nikki again.
“What?! I’m not an errand boy, mother, just tell me what she is!” Viper said in his sulkiest tone. Senra turned sharply towards him, breaking out of her psychic dance with the girl and narrowed her eyes. Viper’s hands went straight to his head in an instant, as he felt the psychic invasion in the very centre of his brain. An itch he couldn’t scratch.
“Arg! Fine! Bitch...” he stormed off in the direction of the bar.
Senra turned her attention to Nikki once again and continued her psychic conversation with her.
I apologise. My son is insolent and I often have to punish him.
That’s alright. Nikki responded in thought waves. He’s alright.
I sense something here, you don’t mind me invading do you? I feel you like my son.
Nikki visibly blushed. He saved my life once. I’d like to return the favour.
You don’t think he is in danger do you? He causes more trouble than he attracts.
Oh, but he has attracted me.
Do you mean to say-
Yes. I’m trouble.
***
Alexia jumped as she heard voices approaching. The odds that the voices belonged to someone who would stab first and ask questions later was high in this neighbourhood. Alexia moved in a crouched position as quickly as she could, staying below the window line.
Her power was not what she needed at this point. If she could compare it to something, it would be broadcast radio. As she crouched around the corner and stood up, flattening herself against the plain wall, she wished she could trade her psychic powers for invisibility. Adrenalin pumped through her veins, and she had to focus on steadying her breathing. The voices were getting closer and she made out what they were saying.
“You know, Viper seemed weird today, did you get that?” A too high pitched but male voice said. Sounding like a man whose voice got stuck at that pitch during adolescence while it was still breaking.
“Hey, I’m no psychic, but I feel you.” A deeper voice replied. “but I also know that you’ve had your eye on Angel Club leader for awhile, Phil.”
A scoff came from the other one. “Says who? I can’t deal with all the moaning everyone insists on, like a bunch of grown ass babies. Nah, I’m not jealous of that spot.”
“So don’t criticise then, bud.”
“Just because I don’t want the spot, doesn’t mean that I don’t think someone else should have it. Is there a rule that the leader has to be a psyche?”
His friend chuckled. “Stirring the waters Phil, stirring the waters...”
They rounded the corner to where Alexia crouched. She stopped breathing, waiting for her position to be revealed.
The two were walking casually, with the gait of people shooting the breeze with nowhere specific to go. One was thin and quite tall, with a hooked nose. The other was shorter but made of more muscular stuff. They strolled right by Alexia’s hiding place.
She breathed a sigh of relief when they created some distance from her, and she became confident that she could move unheard. She went back to her original spot under the window, and flattened herself against the wall, closer this time.
Eavesdropping on a psychic conversation was no easy feat. Thoughts moved a lot faster than words, and even so, the thoughts of these two psychics were moving a lot faster than any she had ever sensed before. Alexia expected the old lady to have superior thoughts since she was a well matured psychic, but this made no sense for Nikki. She was a young novice, yet she was keeping up with the woman who had been honing her psychic skills for decades at least.
If Alexia had ever doubted it before, she knew for certain now that Nikki was different. She now also knew that this was the last kind of place that a psychic with raw talent and no experience should be. Who knew what the Angel club could do if they managed to manipulate her?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi there!

It's been so long since I reviewed one of your chapters. I apologize. But I'm back now to start catching up!
I'm not a big fan of ellipses outside of dialogue. They work well in first person POV, but third person, not so much. In third person there's an outside narrator who is basically watching over the characters, recording their every move and thought. The ellipsis represent the wording trailing off and continuing later. I just don't see a narrator doing that unless it happens during dialogue. Just my personal opinion. Feel free to disagree with me ^_^
Honestly, this kills the effect of the previous line. Senra is talking about how her son causes trouble more than he attracts it and then Nikki says that he attracted her. Obviously she means that she's trouble. I think having Senra ask for clarification is a bit out of character. And out of situation as well. Senra is smart enough to understand what Nikki means by her comment. I'd suggest omitted these two lines and stopping there or showing us Senra's reaction to Nikki's comment. Either one would work well.
This review will be pretty short because I really don't have anything much to say about this chapter. It's written very well, as always
So Nikki likes Viper, huh? Interesting. I can't wait to see what comes out of that. I feel like they're going to get each other in trouble too much to have any romance between them.
One thing I would like to mention though, is the point of view that you're writing this in. Up until this chapter it's been written in third person limited (if I'm remembering correctly xD). In the first part of this chapter though, you switch to third person omniscient. We see things through Viper's eyes at first, but then we start seeing some of his mother's feelings and see things through her eyes. Then he leaves the room and there's no more mention of him. Be careful of that. Sometimes it's hard to choose the right point of view to write in. If you want to add in this conversation between Senra and Nikki, you could always make the second half of the chapter be in Nikki's POV and share the conversation with us then.
I'm looking forward to more about Viper! He's definitely an interesting character. And knowing that Nikki likes him, even if it's just a little, will be fun to see develop.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Well I missed a day, cause...
I wasn't feeling lazy!there was a slight mishap with my dog, who happened to want to eat me. Blasted creature... picking on such a helpless creature, such as a cricket. lol on to my review for you!Well so far, this just might be my favorite chapter! Normally, I wouldn't like how it's not in Nikki's POV, but in this case, I do. Viper's POV seems to add a touch of uniqueness, and it's nice seeing it written for a guy's POV. I know I said differently for the other chapter and Graham (I believe that was the one) was a completely awesome character and all, but I couldn't quite see the scene through his eyes. Here, since the fellow isn't psychic, but is still is someone who has connected with them, it's quite the beautiful twist to it. I guess that's what you could call it.
My main concern would be this:
Apologies for cutting so much, but I had a nitpick here, that I didn't see how else I was going to explain if I didn't.
Alright, I don't remember if I've gone into this before or not, but just in case I'm doing it again. This is waayyy to long a paragraph. Not long in the sense that it's just a bore to read, and it keeps going on and on, but rather in the sense that there is more than one idea here. Where I put in bold is where I though the new ideas started, and ended. Only two spots, but paragraphing is important. A paragraph is the representation of one single idea. Not ten and not five. Not even two really, but I'm sure somebody can get away with it.
OMG, I almost died laughing at this part! Keep up the humor m'dear!
Alright, these two lines I took out of different spots, that are close to each other. The reason is this: He calls her Senra at first, right? Why does he switch so suddenly to calling her mother? Truth be told, I was a bit confused as to why you did that. Senra is her name right? Also, why is her son calling her by her first name? Is it because he doesn't particularity like her or something? Obviously he doesn't like her, but is that the actual reason?
I did have an idea that just came up in my head if you wanted to break it to us gently, or maybe just wanted to surprise us with the fact that she's his mother. (Sorry, if I keep going on about this XD) Anyway... I thought you could have it to where he calls her Senra in the beginning, and then they get in a fight or something, and he tries to insult her by calling MOTHER. That way we get that they aren't exactly close, but are still mother and son. Or something like that. I'm not sure if that is really a good idea, but an entire scene just popped into my head like that, and I couldn't resist sharing it, no matter how dumb it seemed. XD
Just want a teensy bit more drama in that part of the scene, and hope to see it in the final edit!
Comma after "say" is all.
My only problem with this paragraph was that the sentences didn't seem to relate much to each other. For starters she's thinking about her powers, and then she starts thinking about her breathing and then after that, she starts making out voices. Now this isn't something that you do very often, at least so far of what I've seen, but this is definitely something to watch out for in the future. And of course when you come back to edit. Sentences in one paragraph NEED to relate to one another, in basic purpose. At least in my experience.
Awww, man... I feel soo sorry for Nikki sometimes! It's like everybody is scared of her, but nobody wants to really help her. Like they just want to discover why she's so powerful and how, but nobody wants to know about HER? About her actual person. Her personality, and her likes and dislikes... I hope we learn more about her in the future, as I'm super curious!
Overall, like I said earlier, this is probably my favorite chapter so far. It displays a lot of character emotion, and has quite a bit of beautiful description and imagery. Not to mention I found myself really liking the POV of Viper. Keep it up!
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Hey Therese! Thanks for your review, and good luck running away from that dog!


Definitely will note that for the rewrite.
A couple of things, Viper is a psychic. I believe I wrote about his powers in the previous chapter... Next, yes Viper calls his mother by her first name because he doesn't respect her. Your idea about the argument between Viper is quite good actually! Might use that
I appreciate that you love this chapter, but I honestly think this was one of my most awkward chapters to write, because I was so uncertain about setting, character traits, and the general progression of the scene. In fact it was in the middle of this chapter where I took a break from writing Psychic Circle for a few years
because your dog tried to eat me, and when I got back to it, I had to write through my annoyance of all these things just not feeling right. I only managed to get through it because I adopted a "leave it for the rewrite" mentality, and I'm glad, because I was rewarded by the chance to write (in my opinion) much cooler scenes aheadYou're right about paragraphs, I think I will blame that on Younger Me
As for Nikki's needs being neglected, I am [i]so[i/] glad you said that, because that means you won't be disappointed when you get to Chapter 15, where I addressed this in the most dramatic way I could think of...
And you're not the only one who's turned into a Viper fan (nudge to @IamTraunt). I hope you'll like his progress through the story! I'd welcome any tips/suggestions about his character arch, because I find it interesting when you guys see another angle of my characters that I may not have considered.
You're welcome for the humour! I hope it keeps surprising me, because I don't usually plan it until I'm at the page.
Hello Ember!
Um, no, actually. "Within feet of me." is perfectly fine. But if you got annoyed with it, it would be "Within a FOOT", and not 'feet' haha.
Am I the only one thoroughly confused about the location? They left club Angel and.... What? Does Senra live over the bar, so, they didn't in fact go anywhere? If yes, Alexia wouldn't be able to creep Under the window. But if they went somewhere else, how did she follow them?
And, to me, it wasn't obvious that Senra and Nikki were mentally conversing. Maybe add a tic or something she might have when doing so; such as cocking her head to the side, or wrinkling her nose. That way Viper and we would immediately understand? But maybe I'm the only one....
If psychic abilities are hereditary, such as is the case with Senra and Viper, who taught Alexia? Who's the psychic in her family? She's only, what? 17? And the circle has been disbanded for 2 years, so, 15? Just want to follow the timeline here...
What's interesting in all of this is everyone's opinion of Nikki. She IS powerful: everyone says so. But SHE doesn't tell us. So we are not Rolling our eyes at an MC who is powerful and who knows it and such. It's interesting to try to understand her motivations. But I get a feeling that SHE is going to be a villain. We'll see....
Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
WHAT!? SOMEONE BET ME?! CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
Ahem... sorry. On with the review.
Corrections!
You need a hyphen to split this up.
I'm being very picky, but you need a comma after 'pyschics'.
This sentence is worded funnily. Maybe if you put: 'The fact that he chose to consult her was evidence of how much girl baffled him' it would sound more accurate.
Puntuaction!
You need a comma after 'important'.
I think you meant 'within a feet'.
I think to make your description more effective you should put 'The other was shorter but more muscular'. Just a thought.
Characters!
Dun dun dun! Wow, Viper is such a sulker. I found this chapter quite witty and very humourous actually - especially when his mother, Senra, orders him to get Nikki food. Just a few questions though: Was Viper, Craig's, father a pyschic? Why does Viper have Outer powers when his mother has Inner? Is it coincidental that Viper and his mother have powers? Hopefully these questions will be answered further on in the novel. I like how you've developed Viper - not only do you portray him as a Villain who has a weak spot, but you make him quite an immature character as well. This attracts the readers attention because you made your character quite unique as you don't see many Villains having tantrums (LOL).
We also get to meet Senra, which I imagine as being the 'all seeing, all knowing' sort-of character as she doesn't need to be out and about to the events of the outer world as she can see it internally, mentally.
We get to learn more about Nikki's potential as a character, that she's 'different'. I like how you told us on numerous occasions about this 'weak', 'scrawny' teenaged girl who looks defenseless, but could take you out with a touch of her hand. It actually made me curious as you mention how Senra and Nikki are conversing and how Nikki says she is the 'trouble' that comes looking for Viper. What is she going to do to him?
Also, through the eyes of Alexia, you tells us the capabilities of Nikki and how her telepathic abillities aren't like any other - they are way ahead of her years as a 'novice'. By doing this, you emphasis how dangerous Nikki actually is. Good job!
Storyline!
So... the question have occured in the previous review (Still annoyed that I wasn't the first to review - but what can I do about it? xD)... have Nikki and Craig got something-to-be going on? I really want to find out! I must know. But the other question is: Is Nikki going to harm him or Senra in any way? You mention that Craig has trouble searching for him and that Nikki say she's the trouble - is that a threat? Suspense is really building up here. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if Nikki killed Senra with her oh-so-awesome powers!
Anyway... We've got a good mix of action going on in here. I'm curious about the leadership thing that Alexia overheard. Was that Ace and Bulk? Just asking. I think that would be a good thing to carry on with as whoever the leader is now (Is it Viper?) as you could create conflict between them and plot out a battle scene maybe? I read the other review and noticed you got writer's block after this, so it's just a suggestion. To be honest, I'd like to see some romance from Viper and Nikki - it would be nice - but it's your story, I'd love it no matter what you do!
Great work! Keep it up
Hi Traunt! You have given me so many awesome ways to tie up the plot lines! For example, with the two people passing Alexia's hiding spot, I was honestly going to make them just background folks. I think it would be much better if it was Ace and Bulk, creating some lovely foreshadowing of trouble to come in Viper's gang. So many juicy subplots! You also gave me ideas of how to display how dangerous our Nikki can be... (rubbing my palms together with glee)
Let me say my biggest THANK YOU for your reviews, which turned out to be exactly what I needed to see various ways forward. Now I have the perfect solution to cure writer's block, get some lovely reviewers on YWS to throw in their valuable input. Thank you so much. *Gold Star*
*Takes Golden star thankfully and pins it on chest*
Your welcome! Anytime my good friend
Hello, etherealember! It's Mr. Powers here, for another fun and exciting review!

I haven't read the first 9 chapters of The Psychic Circle, but gosh darnit, I'm going to. This review is going to feature random comments on your work, okay?
"she wasn't entirely there in the upstairs department." Although it's be a lot easier to say that she wasn't "entirely there upstairs" or maybe "she wasn't at home, so to speak", what you wrote has a sense of... something. But it fits here.
So Viper's a killer? What's up with that. And he wants to kill this girl, maybe? I'd rather have the two fall in love.
"Seeing his mother was generally a last resort to anything." The way this stands out alone is quite humorous.
"{describe what she is doing/where she is in the room. Something more about the relationship between mother and son}". Were you done writing this? Because they look like notes to me.
"'Arg! Fine! Bitch...'" LMAO. If I ever talked to my mom like that...
And then I like how you cut off the chapter, with two different plots, like you teleport the reader to a different place. I like that, keep it up.
Wait, are Alexia and Viper a couple? Wait... I'm confused. I guess I've got to go read the previous 9 chapters.
Great job with this! Don't write any more until I'm done reading the rest though, I don't fall more behind than I already am
Haha wtppowers! You made my day, for real! I love your random comments, it means you got into my work, and that's my number one goal. :'-) Don't worry, I'm in story workshoping mode, in order to cement the story direction in my own mind. I stopped at this point years ago, because I hit a wall, so it'll take a lot of work to break through it and feel ready enough to draft the next chapter. My goal is to finish the whole story, and then I'm likely to rewrite most of the chapters. Your feedback helps me to recognise the bits that are worth keeping in the final draft.
On that note, thank you for your kind review! When a new reader gets caught up in the excitement that I felt when I first wrote this (12 years ago by the way), it reignites my own excitement about my story. A lot of people that I've shown this story think I have solid plans for the characters, but at this stage I am still exploring options! One of those is the idea of Viper and Nikki's relationship, friends or foes... will see!
You were right about my authors notes, whoops! It's been awhile since I have read through it, sorry about that. There were a lot more notes which I deleted to post it here, but it seems I missed one.
I'm glad you like the scene jumping, I thought I might have been overdoing that. You'll see that I do quite a bit of that in previous chapters, and I am thinking about limiting my POV in the rewrite so that we get more depth in a few characters instead of going on the surface of all of them. I'll see what works.
A lot of your questions can be answered by previous chapters, so I won't spoil it for you.
Enjoy them, and feel free to give honest feedback for those as well!