z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Psychic Circle: Chapter 11

by deleted3


Viper carried the hot plate of pasta through to Senra’s domain, not bothering to knock this time. “Listen, I’m not going to serve her too if that’s what you’re expectin-” what he saw made him freeze.

Senra was in a seated position, but she was now hovering above her chair with an astonished expression frozen onto her face. Nikki was staring at her, mesmerised and stunned, clearly only realising the extent of her own power in that moment.

Viper dropped the plate, letting it clatter onto the low table next to him and moved to Nikki quickly. After a second’s hesitation, he grabbed her shoulders and yanked her backwards. Viper was just trying his luck, and was surprised when it actually worked. Senra dropped heavily onto the chair and gasped like she had just surfaced from the ocean. Viper recoiled with a yell as he felt power discharge off Nikki like static electricity. She staggered like she was about to lose her balance then steadied herself.

Viper’s eyes were wide, staring at Nikki. “What the hell just happened?” he said on the verge of hysteria. His eyes flicked from Nikki to Senra, begging for an explanation.

Senra blinked as she panted and quickly caught her breath as she stared up at her son from her uncharacteristically demure posture. When she spoke it was with a quiet reverence. “She... she has tapped into the Crystal.”

“What? Crystal, what do you mean, crystal? You’re not making any sense Senra-”

The Crystal! The source of all psychic power on the planet, the very reason you can even lift a paper clip!” she glared at him, back to her usual condescendence. Glad to see she’s recovered, Viper thought with an eye roll. Senra got up with a slight shiver but with strong resolve and opened her vast cupboard. She immediately reached to the back of the top shelf, and pulled out a book.

Viper knew this book well, and even knew the story of the Crystal was one he had heard enough times to get bored at the thought of it. Even now he was starting to recall the story.

The Crystal was in a hidden somewhere in the world, and old psychics like Senra believed it was a source of all psychic power. But a long time ago the Crystal was damaged by a meteorite which was believed to have crashed in its location. Since then, psychic powers were at their weakest levels in all psychic beings.

Viper had often daydreamt of what new heights his own powers might reach if the Crystal was released. But this was just fantasy, since the Crystal was Senra’s pathetic attempt at a bedtime story. Senra was flipping frantically through the battered story book now.

He looked at Nikki who had quickly honed in on the pasta which he had spilled on the table. She didn’t seem to mind the mess, as she began tearing through it with her hands, hungrily devouring it. Viper’s eyes widened and he stared at her. She must have not eaten in days. Where was she from?

“Hey, girl,” he moved towards her “Uh, Nikki. Do you want to sit down to finish that?” She ignored him, she was that hungry. “I guess not! Don’t choke.”

At this she looked up, becoming self aware suddenly and grinned shyly. Viper couldn’t help laughing and shaking his head. She wiped her hand across her mouth and swallowed, clearly preparing to speak.

“I’m – er, super hungry.” She said, stating the obvious.

Viper shook his head with a bemused expression as he leaned on the table next to her “By all means, help yourself. Biggest compliment the crappy chef has gotten in... ever.”

She glanced at him, starting back on the pasta in a more self conscious way. Viper looked away to spare her the discomfort of being watched partaking in the act that every person should have the right to. He turned his attention to Senra who seemed to be having a revelation, pointing repeatedly at a page of the ancient book.

“Here it is! The prophesy of the Crystal! Craig my boy, this is what I’ve been telling you...” She went to him and grabbed him by the hair to bring him down to her height. Viper growled with repressed rage. She ignored this but released his hair. “This girl, Nikki, she is the key to the healing of the psychic energy.”

Viper snorted and smoothed his hair back. “What psychic energy, Senra-”

All of it! The psychic sphere has been suppressed for too long!” She began pacing frantically. Nikki simply watched her passively. “Let me put it in terms you can understand... your power is shifting iron in mid air, right? Well imagine your capacity increased tenfold.”

Viper’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Senra smiled and thought, finally it gets through his thick skull. His breathing began to deepen as his mind ran through the possibilities. “I could expand my empire in a day...I could move entire banks.”

Senra rolled her eyes, exasperated. “I could never beat that materialistic habit out of you could I? It makes you seem like a scavenging rat, it’s not a flattering look, son. Think b-i-g-g-e-r. The balance of power can be tilted in our favour. Who needs to vote when you can physically change the lay of the land with your own mind?”

Viper blinked and shook his head. “But wait a moment, how exactly does this crystal work? Can you direct the power of the crystal to a few of us, or will there be a power surge everywhere? Because if everyone becomes powerful, then that just throws a spanner in the works.”

“The key is in the girl’s power. She can absorb the flow of the crystal’s power and whoever she touches will – should – absorb it as part of their own.” Senra replied thoughtfully.

Viper glanced away and back to Senra. “So she is the absolute key?”

“Yes, she is the only one with the power to do this, I’m certain. I learnt through our mind link.” Senra seemed a bit proud of herself at this point.

Viper closed his eyes and took a breath. “So it’s a good idea to know where she is, right?”

“What-” Senra swivelled around and saw that the room was missing a person. She clenched her fists, her nostrils flared, and Viper could hear the static in the air around her. “Find. Her!” Viper hurried out of the room before Senra’s anger caused a mini hurricane.

***

Alexia made what she hoped were calming hand gestures as she pulled Nikki into the ladies bathroom. It was cramped, with not enough space between the door and the cubicles to allow the door to open all the way. This meant they were quite close together, and Alexia had mere seconds to convince Nikki to trust her enough to escape the Angel Club.

“Uh... hi.” Alexia said

“You. Why did you pull me in here?” Nikki said. Her eyes were narrow with suspicion and she pulled away.

“I want to help you.” Alexia whispered, trying to keep the franticness out of her voice. “My name is Alexia, and I’m a psychic – like you.”

“I am Nikki. No one is like, me, I’m different.” Nikki said, and Alexia noticed a sad flicker in her eyes.

“Well,” Alexia said as she reached out to rest her hands on Nikki’s shoulders, “I happened to know a gang of crazier misfits than you, and we always help each other when any one of us is in trouble.” Alexia checked herself as she said these words. At least I know I live by that... she thought.

Nikki looked straight at Alexia in that soul searching way of hers. Alexia couldn’t help but suck in a stream of air, but she held her gaze. I am an open book, she thought at Nikki. The words themselves were not sent straight to her mind like a spoken sentence, but it was rather a feeling that Alexia directed to Nikki. As if she was opening pathway through which she welcomed Nikki’s exploratory gaze.

Frantic footsteps passed the bathroom door, not far from where they were hidden. Alexia controlled her breathing as her anxiety grew... but she had to allow Nikki to make the decision for herself.

Nikki’s eyes softened, and the tiniest trace of a smile surfaced. “You want to help me...”

Alexia exhaled. “Yes. Yes I do, but we have to leave here now. I don’t know who the Angel Club people are, but they’re most definitely bad news.” Her eyes shifted to the window she had used to climb into the building.

But time had run out. The door handle was frantically turned by someone very intent on getting through. Alexia spun herself and Nikki into the first stall, and swung the stall door open so that it jammed against the main door. The door opened only a few centimetres and a hand reached through.

“Quick, through here!” Alexia said waving Nikki frantically towards the window. It was a slight squeeze for Alexia, but as she turned back, watching Nikki reaching her arm through to grasp the ledge, Alexia saw that she had a much easier time getting through. There were loud shouts from within the bathroom as Nikki dropped quietly to the ground next to her.

Alexia took in their surroundings and instantly ran left. It turned out to be a bad choice. A skinny man with leathery skin ran around the corner blocked her path. Alexia raised her fists awkwardly and the man grinned triumphantly and walked towards her with his arms out stretched to grab her. Alexia took an involuntary step backwards, cursing this obvious sign of one who was about to lose a fight. She compensated by raising her fists even higher until they were just under her eyes. The man’s face fell quickly.

Alexia smiled as she made a mental note of the level of her fists that seemed to be effectively threatening to her opponent.

However, his eyes were not on her, but on Nikki’s. She had a hand raised and began walking in determined steps towards him. “Sty. We have met before. I will hurt you the way I did before - and worse.”

Alexia watched in amazement as the one called Sty took a step back for every step forward Nikki took. Like someone who was about to lose a fight....

A black 4x4 Kia Sportage screeched around the corner and braked hard on the road next to them. Alexia dropped her fists (scratching that pose off her mental list of Aggressive Positions) and ran to the passenger door. “Nikki! Let’s go!”

Nikki turned to Alexia and hurried after her. She gave the panicked Sty one last narrow-eyed look, then opened the passenger door, and before she even shut the door, the car began racing away.

Alexia turned to the driver. “You’ve always had the most dramatic timing. Just before I had to fight off a bunch of thugs.” Her words were scolding, but her tone was warm and she was grinning widely.

Jake glanced at her and grinned before keeping his eyes on the road again. “You’ve always had a hell of a way of saying hello. What about ‘Hi Jake, how have you been for the past two years?’ Small talk, remember that?” he was equally playful with his scolding.

Alexia laughed. “I got all of that in our Mind Link!”, to which Jake responded with a scowl and a pout. Alexia turned to him. “Good to see you Jake, and thank you for coming when I Called.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and he seemed happy.

Alexia turned her head to the back seat. “Now. This is Nikki. You’ll meet her properly when you’ve parked your tin can. Nikki, this is Jake, he’s a psychic too.”

“Not just any psychic, love, part of the Psychic Circle! The most awesome psychic team since Jean Grey cloned herself 10 times. Well, if that ever happened.” Jake said.

He winked at Nikki through the rear view. She responded with a bewildered expression, a giggle and a shy “Hi.”

Alexia rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind Jake. You won’t be shocked when you hear what his ability is.” She twisted in her seat to face Nikki and give her a significant look. “Welcome to the Psychic Circle, Nikki.” 


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Mon Oct 27, 2014 3:58 pm
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there!

Viper dropped the plate, letting it clatter onto the low table next to him and moved to Nikki quickly.

I'm not sure how I feel about this description. When I read that he had dropped the plate, I imagined him dropping it on the floor. Reading on, however, I realized that he dropped it onto the table. Maybe find a way to make it apparent that he's actually dropping it onto the table instead of letting it fall to the floor?

Glad to see she’s recovered, Viper thought with an eye roll.

Thoughts should be in italics. That way they'll be separate from the rest of the story.

So now Viper actually believes in the crystal's powers? I got the impression that it was just all a stupid story to him. Then all of the sudden he's taking what his mother is telling him seriously and seems to actually believe that the crystal has these powers. I didn't see that one thought or sudden realization that makes him realize that not believing in the crystal's powers is stupid. You get what I'm saying? This sudden change in feelings would be more believable if we saw him change his mind.

“I am Nikki. No one is like, me, I’m different.” Nikki said, and Alexia noticed a sad flicker in her eyes.

Hm, this doesn't seem like something Nikki would just come out and say. Okay, so maybe she would (don't you just love my indecisiveness? xD), but from what I've seen of her, it seems like she would spit the words and be angry about them instead of being sad about it. That's what I see in her at least.

Yes! We're going to get to see the Psychic Circle come together!! :D I've been looking forward to this since I started reading. I'm interested to see what they actually do and what kind of trouble they're going to get into. I feel like the real story is about to begin. Not that it hasn't already, because it totally has, but I mean the intense part of the story. You know, where the conflict is introduced and the hero(s) go after the bad guys.

Overall, this is a great chapter. What I really like about it is that it moves the plot forward while it connects the events from the last chapter as well. In other words, the chapters are flowing well together. It doesn't seem like the chapters stand alone. Each time I read one, it feels like I just finished the last one and all I did was turn the page to find start the next one.

I can't wait to read more! :D

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




deleted3 says...


Yay! Your instincts are on the money, it definitely does get more intense from here... I hope you'll enjoy the ride! From here onwards are my most recent chapters, whereas the ones before it were originally written about 14 odd years ago. Perhaps that will explain a lot... :-P

In my description of Viper's action with the plate, I did mention the table, if you read the piece you quoted again... table is definitely there.

Noted about the thoughts in italics. I usually have to manually italicise text again, because for some reason it doesn't copy formats when I copy/paste from Word. I must have forgotten that bit.

As for Nikki's quote, I see your point, and I think it would be more in line with her character if she was more intense about it. I'll think of how to adjust it. To be honest, the dialogue on this page is on probation hehe. Something I'm not quite happy about - it felt awkward even to myself, but I got it down anyway so that I could move the story forward.

Thank you for your awesome review! Looking forward to your next ones :-)



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Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:43 pm
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review! :D

For starters what I really liked about this chapter is that we got to see what Viper's and Senra's real intent for Nikki was. Well not exactly their actual intent, as in what they were going to do with her, but rather you made it clear that they didn't have anything good planned for her.

I actually liked Jake this time! He had this sarcastic sense of humor about him, but was still super sweet. Girls gotta love that, right? Jake and Alexia didn't seem to have anything romantic about them, but rather were just having fun being good buds, and weren't afraid to show it to each other.

One more thing that I thought you did well was your constant reminder of what certain things looked like. There was always some little bit of description, that seemed to give me some reassurance of what everything looks like. What I would tell you to work on when doing the final draft is working in another sense, rather than just sight. Sight is pretty easy to use, but doesn't grant a full picture to the reader. I'd really suggest using more of the other four senses when writing. Like the sound of something in the back round? Or maybe the smell of the pasta? Give a well rounded picture of everything, using every resource you have.

What I'm really curious about is this Crystal. Now I know that's she's like the only one who can tap into its power and all that, but there's still soooo much more that we can know about this incredibly cool element and I'm just super excited about it! :D
And this meteorite thing is also super. Damaged it, huh? Hmm, one thing that I'm wondering is if this Crystal is some sort of actual crystal or if it's something totally just energy. (Hope that made a bit of sense) I'm sure I'll find my answers to this in the later chapters, and I can hardly wait! :D

Viper carried the hot plate of pasta through to Senra’s domain,


Through? From where? Forgive me if I sound a bit dumb, and this question was answered in the previous chapter, but I'm kinda confused. I'm assuming he got it from the kitchen, but I'm thinking a little clarification could be used. Just a idea.

“What the hell just happened?” he said on the verge of hysteria.


Hmm, before he had acted all blustery... seems he changes and has a different side to him! lol A weaker side... but that's the natural reaction for someone who see's something completely out of their world. XD Just remember to keep his character constant in the future, and don't overdo it in his character arc. I know it's hard, as I struggle like nothing you've ever seen with it, but I think you've got a serious grip on it so far. Just a little reminder is all I'm giving you for now.

Glad to see she’s recovered, Viper thought with an eye roll.


Uhh, I don't honestly know if I've talked about this before, but always put the thought process in italics. If I've already talked about this, then I'm sorry and just ignore this part! :P

She can absorb the flow of the crystal’s power and whoever she touches will – should – absorb it as part of their own.”


One thing I'm curious about is if she can control it. Like if Viper is trying to get power from her, and she doesn't want to... can she just say no? Or can they force her to give up her power to them, without her being able to do anything about it? :D Super curious on this one, actually.

As I read on, the plot just keeps getting better and better! I've actually never gotten bored with this, so good work with that. It's actually rather hard to keep my attention for very long. ;)

I guess the main thing I guess you could work on is the show not tell, and keeping Viper a constant character. Although I have noticed that the show not tell is getting slightly better. I'm sure it will get better as I keep going but I thought I'd say that it is truly getting better.
Overall the work had very little error, and I'm going to head over to the next chapter first thing tomorrow! :D

Keep writing, and uhh, sorry that this is short... got to many awesomish reviews and this work is just amazing besides! :D

~Cricket




deleted3 says...


Hehe, if this is short, are your long reviews longer than the work itself? Lol don't worry, you gave me lots to consider, and sprinkled plenty of compliments to make me grin from ear to ear (shall I pretend I get tired of those? No I shall not!)

One of the edit notes I have made about this chapter is that I want to info-dump less, as I did feel like I threw it out there in a cheesy way where 2 characters discuss a topic like "Remember that thing we talked about in detail before?" "Why, yes, you mean the dream about you flying off a bridge into a pile of shark infested jello, while wearing pink pajamas? "Yes, that's the one! Let's discuss it in detail again for the benefit of the audience!" Hehe... So less of that in the next draft.

I think I need to draw a floor plan of the Angel Club to solve all logistical confusion about the place. I'll also try to better define my characters' emotional states too, that seems to be pointed out by a lot of reviewers. I think sometimes I may forget I am writing through their eyes and write their reaction in the way I think I would react.

Good questions about the Crystal... IamTraunt asked similar ones, and that triggered a brainstorming session right in the comment section. I was thinking of Nikki as a conduit for other-worldly powers. So she has her core one, which is transferring her emotions to another person, but then all these abilities leak through her because she has the right "conduction" qualities, which I decided to define as: her parents and all four of her grandparents are psychics. This concentrates the psychic vibe in her, and forces are attracted to her. I haven't yet figured out a way for this information to be known to the reader, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Can't wait for your next review! Meantime I'm stretching my fingers for Review Day (Team Green secret wink)





*winks back* we're gonna be kicking some serious butt this review day! lol I think I might review the rest of your book as part of my review day, so watch out "notifications"!





Oh, yeah. lol this review was only 3000 characters. Sorry. XD My normal reviews are usually around 5000 to 6000. But when I'm reviewing an entire novel, I found that it's best to comment mainly on storyline and stuff, as it seems to help a bit better. Or so I've been told and experienced. You think that's working, or do you want more nitpicky stuff? :D



deleted3 says...


Go ahead and do your style! I think a review works if the reviewer is taking the care to read through and gives me notes on what they think I need notes on. Then I'll get different perspectives all around, and whether or not it is "short" is irrelevant as long as it's got helpful points. I can't tell you how to review, but I will say I am gaining a lot from your reviews, both on the nitpicking side and the plot/characters side :-) Whatever you do, go with your strengths.





Alright! Thanks! :D



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Thu Aug 28, 2014 4:55 pm
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borntobeawriter wrote a review...



Hello, Ember!

Ok......... Ok! Well. Viper? Eh..... You remember when I mentioned Wishy-Washy? Well, he definitely was in this chapter. He is ALL over the place.

He becomes 'hysterical' upon seeing his mother floating, then eye-rolls at her, mocking the bed time story, then SUDDENLY he believes the crystal's power, and so on. I mean, I had trouble following him here. Of course he would seem... panicked. But hysterical. And, again, work on the Show, don't Tell. How does he react in his 'hysteria'? And he's seen what Nikki did to Sty... What in the name of the good lord would he TOUCH her? I mean, yeah, he panicked, but I would go to my mother first. Or snap my fingers in front of her eyes, or something. But I would most definitely NOT touch her.

I liked the whole 'food-conversation' scene between him and Nikki; nicely done.

And Jake. Yes. I most definitely love Jake.

On to the next!




deleted3 says...


Noted! (all of it) There are definitely parts that I was thrilled about writing, and parts that I hurried through to get to the next bit that excited me. The bits with the interaction between Viper and Senra were written with the mindset that they were necessary stepping stones. I wasn't one hundred percent satisfied with them, but chose to write on, tally ho! They will, however, be the first things I go back and fix when the time comes. What you've done here is mention specifics which I wasn't consciously aware of and that has got me thinking. His actions and reactions from moment to moment have to flow logically, I didn't realise how jarring it can be for the reader if they don't...



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Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:52 pm
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Rosendorn wrote a review...



Hello.

I haven't read any other parts. Just going off what I read here.

So first things first: You're describing feelings with the feeling's name instead of actually describing how it looks for that person. There are dozens of ways to be astonished, and I don't actually get a sense for the character just looking at the description you have here. "Hungrily" is in a similar boat, as is any word you use as a sort of shorthand to say "this person felt this way."

It's better to describe how they actually look and let readers draw their own conclusions for what the character is feeling. Readers usually get it right, and they in turn get to find out far more about the character than they can with simple words like "astonished".

Then, you introduce the Crystal. I honestly don't think we need him recalling the story as his mother flips through the book, simply because you could portion that information out in an actual, practical sense for how it relates to the immediate situation. We don't actually need to know that much about the past, but instead the future. All of the information where he was summarizing it can be in dialogue as they figure out what's going on, which, in turn, would make the story stronger.

Overall, this feels fairly new age-y and you'll need really strong characters to carry this through. One way to get them is to describe how they react to things instead of saying how they reacted, which'll give them more life in general.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey




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Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:29 pm
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IamTraunt wrote a review...



Hey! IamTraunt here to review! Its been a long, long time :)

Nitpicks!

She staggered like she was about to lose her balance then steadied herself.

If you read this out loud you find yourself needing a breath. I suggest putting in a comma after balance and then putting then she steadied herself to make it run smoother.

The Crystal was in a hidden somewhere in the world, and old psychics like Senra believed it was a source of all psychic power.

These three words aren't needed.

Viper had often daydreamt of what new heights his own powers might reach if the Crystal was released.

I think daydreamed would be more appropriate than daydreamt.

Viper shook his head with a bemused expression as he leaned on the table next to her, “By all means, help yourself. Biggest compliment the crappy chef has gotten in... ever.”

Firstly, I just need to point out that you need a comma after her. Secondly, instead of ever, why not put forever because it sounds a little better.

“Uh... hi.” Alexia said

You missed a full stop.

I am an open book, she thought at Nikki.

I don't think this sounds right. Thought at is not put to its full potential and meaning, why not put signalled or thought as Nikki read her mind or even mentally spoke? Its up to you.

A skinny man with leathery skin ran around the corner and her path.

There should be an and in there.

Alexia watched in amazement as the one called Sty took a step back for every step forward Nikki took. Like someone who was about to lose a fight....

Ellipsis is usually three full stops, not four.

Characters!

So, yes, its been quite a while since I've read and reviewed the Psychic Circle; I'm a little rusty. I still am impressed with your story and your characters, ever more so know its up-to-date in a sense (meaning your writing because this is the chapter that had been most recently wrote for the Psychic Circle).
I really enjoyed reading about how powerful Nikki is, you've always mentioned her capabilities in previous chapters but not actually taken it to that level of greatness. Its incredible to see what she can do, I mean, making an extremely powerful Psychic levitate? That is marvellous! You really pulled through and blew my mind. If she can levitate one person with ease then imagine what else she could do! No wonder Sty is terrified of her. I would be. You really have taken your story to a new height. Well done.
Then there is Viper. I had to smile to myself at this point when you mentioned his goals as we discussed this not that long ago. He is quite a simple achiever as he thinks about robbing a bank as his first opportunity after unlocking the secret to The Crystal. That is quite an unsatisfactory goal. No wonder his mother is disappointed. It shows his limit in intelligence which again is another great character development.
We also get to learn about Senra, Alexia and Jake a little more in depth, even though the focus isn't really placed on them. I won't go into detail as it will take forever and bore you :-D

Storyline!

Very exciting. That's plainly put. Your pace is fast, your flow is pretty much smooth, your plot is good and thrilling. I love all the action going on in this chapter - it gives me an urge to keep on reading and spurring me on.
Viper and Nikki? No? I kind of liked them together. I think it would be interesting to see what will happen between those too. I was interested by this line:
Viper shook his head with a bemused expression as he leaned on the table next to her.

In the previous chapters you describe him as fairly moody, aggressive and authoritative, but here you see some form of a connection - maybe even a happy relationship for him. It seems to me that Viper can be a very different person. Ooh! Drama. I can't wait to see where this story goes!

Can't wait for the next! ;)




deleted3 says...


Hi Traunt! Thank you for another stellar review!I will work on the nitpicks, but I just wanted to say it's interesting what your impressions of my characters are. For example, Viper's short-sightedness, and your agreement with Senra's disappointment in him. I found that funny for some reason haha!

Not to mention a strange but pleasant feeling of having my own work reflected back to me. This is a first draft, and I wrote it on pure instinct, without thinking "Let me make Viper shallow" or anything like that. So it certainly helps when you make me conscious of the impact of the plot and characters on the reader. My main concern is any places where I lose the reader because I wasn't conscious about how my decisions affect you guys.

I realised in order to make progress, my first draft goals have to be mainly to get from Point A to B without too much finickiness over how I get there. My least favourite scene in this chapter was Alexia and Nikki in the bathroom - I needed to have Alexia convince Nikki that she should go with her, as well as get them out of there quickly and successfully - but believably. I ended up writing a scene which I feel I could do a lot better with in terms of making it more believable and original, but nonetheless, it got me to where I wanted the characters to be by the end of the chapter. I shall leave those worries for the rewrites!

I'm pleasantly surprised that you enjoyed Nikki's confrontation with Sty! As for Nikki and Viper... all I can say is there are plenty more words in the story budget to explore that ;-) I hope to add more dimensions to all of my characters, like how Viper was shown to have a softer side.

Off I go to my keyboard to bang out the next chapter! Hopefully I get better at achieving my story goals as I go.

:-D



IamTraunt says...


Yes, yes, yes! Next chapter here I come... When its ready.
I always enjoy reading your comments as you have so much to say. It bugs me when I give a constructive review with a comment that just includes the words 'thank you'. I appreciate the lengthy discussion we have.
As for the scene where Nikki isn't too sure whether to trust Alexia, I would personally say to look to the movies/books. I notice that there is a flashback or a memory given to have as evidence, maybe you could include a memory from the old Psychic Circle or maybe past use of Alexia's power like for instance a good act? Its all up to you, but I suggest giving the whole memory idea a try, maybe branch it off into different scenarios ;) Then your plot may flow a little better and have than more realistic viewpoint to it.
Wow - its an amazing first draft. Question: Are you a Panster or a Planster? By which I mean do you plan or just dive straight into it?
As for the confrontation with Sty... Even little scenes can add onto the value of a character and I thought you definitely succeeded in doing so. Well done with that!
To be honest, I have a soft spot for Viper. You have built up that empathy for him because of his mother, and I have a feeling he's just trying to please. (Plus I have a thing for characters that aren't protagonists. Strange - I know).
I can't wait to read more. Hopefully your other fans will review this incredible chapter! They need to. Irs amazing.
See you soon!



deleted3 says...


Am I a panster or a planster? Haha! I think I started off as a panster, back when I began Psychic Circle, because I didn't know any other way. I did write notes on characters and what I wanted them to do, but not a full storyline. Nowadays I'm definitely more of a planster but I go off plan so often. The plan is like looking at the story from afar through a telescope and planning my route through it. When I get down to writing though, I find that the details start steering the plot in a different direction. I learn more about my characters when they are in action, than from my background notes. Then I tend to follow the decisions they make rather than sticking strictly to the plan. What about you? panster or planster?

I happened to like side characters too! I think they can be the bravest, smartest and heart warming characters in the story. They can influence our protagonists so much that the story is incomplete without them. I guess my appreciation for side characters was bound to leak into my writing!

By the way, would you like me to review any of your work? I am reading Traunt :-)



IamTraunt says...


You are? Oh, wow! Thanks :D I'd love that. You'd be a breath of fresh air! Though I do love my other reviewers of course~ That would be lovely.
Me? Well, I'm a definite Panster. Though I do research things and plan teensy little bit when I'm doing realism. It is a must really. Even with my short story The Silent Game I did a little research.
That often happens to me - I begin to love my side characters more. The author of Divergent loves Four more than Tris, that is why she wrote 'Four'. I mean, I quite like Kris as a character in my book, but I'm bringing in a bad guy soon *no spoilers* that will have a big impact on my story. (I've even thought ahead and I even know how my book is going to end. I even know what I will do for the sequel). Hee hee.
Hm... I'm trying to think of a side characters that I like... Hm. Well, in the X-men cartoon I've always liked Gambit, in Vertical Limit I like Tom (who was murdered), and many, many others I can't think of.
Thank you for reading Truant! You're amazing!




We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
— Mark Twain